You look like him
by MelodiousSchemer
Summary: When Roxas is searching Hollow Bastion he finds a little something different. With a head of matching blonde hair and a set of blue eyes Cloud steps suddenly into his life. How far can these strangers come friends fall? CLOUDROXAS Sweet, gradual shouen-ai
1. Nobodies Welcome

He trudged stiffly along the huge stretch of canyon floor known as The Great Maw. He suddenly readied himself when large, dark spots pooled on the dusty ground. A few dozen dusks formed from the black and white tendrils that ribboned from the darkness circles.

When the jerky dusks didn't linger over to him he decided not to arm himself. Instead he held his hands out to the pale forms. "It's only me, Roxas."

The flimsy Nobodies jittered a little before sinking back into the ground.

Roxas mentally sighed, imitatively relieved that those feeble dusks still considered him to be in command.

But he needed to calm down, he was overly paranoid that the Organization would be sending those white spirits after him, making him hold himself on high alert.

He made his way slowly across the landscape, taking his time to study his surroundings, though paying no attention to the dipping sun and the on-spread of deep blue across the vast sky.  
His blank mood lifted slightly when he came to a set of man-made stairs that wound up to where a roughly built, small building was set.  
Yes, buildings, structures. This looked more promising than the uninhabited wastes of the canyons. He was beginning to worry that there wasn't actually anything here like Xemnas had once droned on about.

For that is why he was here. The super-computer that had belonged to Ansem the wise. It was said to hold untold answers about Heartless, darkness, Kingdom Hearts, other worlds, hearts, Keyblades, Keyholes, secret doors and much, much more according to his former Superior.

He fled the Organization. He left it for answers. About Sora, about what made that boy so special. But mainly answers about the Keyblade and its connection with him.  
It was told that Keyblade was meant to choose someone with the purest of hearts, which is why innocent kids were often burdened as KeyBearers.

True, they sometimes slipped into the wrong hands, those kids had better ideas than to run around and fore fill the destiny of a KeyBearer.  
They could then fall into darkness, sometimes it would get so bad that the Keyblade would move on too chose a new holder, though that would only happen if the bearer abused it to the full extent.

But why, why would it choose him? Someone who never even had a heart to begin with, someone who was considered a much lesser half of a greater Keyblade Master. Why did this legendary weapon stick around for him too?  
If he could find those answers anywhere it would be on the super-computer.  
And that's all he wanted now, to know himself, it was not right that a computer could know more about his destiny as a KeyBearer then he was allowed to. And it was Xemnas's fault for not showing it to him.  
The man would sometimes become annoyed at being questioned by Roxas so much. But in the end his Superior hadn't given him all the answers he wanted, so now he sought after them himself. Xemnas had told him it was in hidden within Hollow Bastion, where Ansem and his apprentices had worked, and not to go looking for it.

Roxas stopped when he entered the small, shabby room at the top of the stairs. He was staring at the back of two brunettes. One a woman in a pink dress, the other a tall man with black leather pants and jacket. The two stared out across the plain below from a wide brick window and talked amongst themselves.

It was the woman with the long braided hair that turned to greet him when he shuffled past. "Oh! Hello." she smiled sweetly.

He wasn't expecting to be welcome here, but was glad to find he was. Then suddenly, looking into the kind faces of both these people made something stir within his memory. Yes he knew these people, their features, voices, their eyes, all so familiar. He knew this woman was kind and held wise words. And he knew this man, Leon, yes Leon was his name. He knew Leon was a good leader, and strong as well.

He held pictures in his mind of these two, though he saw the two in a line of vision that was framed with long, cinnamon locks.

Ah, so these where Sora's friends, of course.

"We saw you coming." Leon said.

"You uh, saw me coming?"

The man tipped his head in a gesture outside the window. "Overlooks the whole valley. We saw you coming up," he turned to the lady in pink. "You were right though, Aerith."

Roxas looked questioningly, raising an eyebrow into his overhanging hair.

"We thought you were our friend." she explained. "You look like him."

The blonde grumbled. He had had enough; he had never liked being compared to Sora.

He started walking off, not caring that it was rather rude to do so. It wasn't like they were HIS friends or anything. "I know." he said quietly, stopping in the doorway and resting one hand on its frame. "Sora..."

Aerith perked up. "You know Sora?"

"I look just like him don't I?" he asked viscously, daring them to agree.

It was Leon that picked up that they had hit a sensitive nerve in the boy. "No." he said. "We thought you looked like our friend, Cloud."

Roxas paused for a moment, eyes searching Leon's. "…Roxas." He mumbled, feeling it was only fair to reveal his name as he knew theirs.  
Without waiting for a response he carried on his way. "Cloud..." he murmured softly to himself. What kind of person could Cloud be? Had Sora meet him before? The name did sound a little familiar to him... or maybe that was just because it was the name for the white, fluffy masses in the sky.

--

--

Cloud had seated himself, alone in the small room. The substitute for a headquarters of the 'Hollow Bastion Restoration committee'. He enjoyed the dull hum of the lavish technology that had been fixed to the floor for years, gathering dust.

Open books lay tattered and torn on uneven planks of floor and a few biffed up pieces of furniture were gathered up in one large corner, waiting to be arranged in the space.  
He had found a creaky chair amongst the old collection of things and leaned it against a wall for him to nestle into.

The young man had been absently allowing his deep thoughts to fall through the cracks of consciousness and meld into dreams.  
The slam of a nearby door brought him wavering into awareness. At mention of his name he opened an eye.

"Oh, Cloud. Sorry, I didn't see you here."

"Hnmh." He responded lightly to the man.

"What are you doing, sitting here alone in dark?"

"Resting." he grunted with his soft voice. "Yuffie's finding bulbs for the lights and Merlin's finding candles for the fire."

"Looks like their settling in well." Leon's lips thinned in slight amusement as he spoke. "But what about you, Cloud?" he turned to a question he had been long wondering. "What's your reason for staying? This is no home to you."

"I need to know... did you see anyone... different. Someone-"

"For three days you've been asking us the same thing."

"It's the reason I'm here."

Leon decided not to press the matter, he knew when to respect a mans privacy. "Well, some newcomer did blow past me and Aerith this morning. Looked like you."

Cloud's mind became unsettled.  
It was him then, it must have been him. The one winged angel had taunted him before about how they were so similar. Though Cloud had always denied any similarities between him and his embodied darkness.  
It hit him hard to know, from an outsider's point of view, that they actually were growing alike.

"Yeah..." he murmured. "Sephiroth." The named sounded like a curse on his tongue.

Leon paused. "Uhm, no... Roxas."

"...Excuse me?" He graced the brunette with a flicker more of his attention.

"The new kid, name was Roxas, looked like you." Leon thought maybe if he spoke in short, incomplete sentences, Cloud would be able to pick up on his own language.

--

--

Roxas steadied himself against a wall in an open square. His hope and been running thin when he entered a town of small building. The computer could be anywhere.  
But it was not just his hope that was wasting away, the fact that he had been on his feet for two days and two nights, wondering around worlds without rest was eating away his physical state.

He had been ignoring the pain in his calves that threatened to reduce him to the ground for hours, and food hadn't even passed his sights since the soft, bruised apple he had picked off a tree yesterday morning. His stomach wasn't bothering him so much as his head was though; it felt weightless and at the same time, like something was trapped within it and pushing against it from all sides. It had been aching a little all day, but now pain waves washed through it.

He groaned; the brightly painted signs and lights of shop windows forced him to close his eyes, the brightness felt too overpowering to even look at.  
A noise buzzed angrily in his head.

"Hey kid, you... okay?"

"Hmgnh." he swaggered on the spot, his hand coming to rest at his temples.

"You-hey...What!?"

He heard an irkingly familiar swirl of black and jitter of white. Oh man, not now. His head felt like it was being pumped with helium, his legs were about as strong twigs and he was SO not in the mood.

He cracked open a lid, wincing at the blearing white dusks that surrounded him... His attention caught a man in black, the back of his head was layered with long blonde spikes of hair. The man raised an unbelievably thick sword with two, defined arms and leaped forwards to deliver a blow to the dusks.

"No-o!" Roxas moaned loudly and in a blinding flash he was staggering to meet the mans sword halfway, one keyblade in hand. He braced with two hands as the weapon's clashed.

The other was not so ready; the unexpected shock of impact knocked his heavy sword right from his hands and sent it clattering across the pavement.

"What the... Keybl- why did-"

"I can talk with them... just let me..." Roxas weakly explained to the blurry face in front of him. "Dusks! Don't attack us, it's only me again... only Number 13..."

Once again, the ghostly Nobodies jerked in realization and then dove back into the ground.

The man frowned at him, but he didn't notice. He was too busy with trying to keep himself up.

"Why did those Nobodies listen to you?"

The simple question was like an explosion in his head. Then he went down.

Knees connected to the ground, a slip forwards... hands also meet pavement. An uncontrollable sway and the rest of him collided with the concrete. A cradled pair of hands saved a hard knock to his delicate head.

A shift in the body above him, an arm lifted him at his waist, another arm slithered under his legs and he was off the ground, resting against a chest.

--


	2. From Sleep to Sleep

In what felt like a mere brush of a minute later he was coming back to consciousness.  
A door slammed and he jolted awake, he distinguished the feel of a comfortable couch beneath him. He was looking up at a boarded up roof.

"How long was I out?" he asked the unattractive paneling, not knowing if there was anyone to give him an answer.

"About one or two minutes."

He turned, looking around the bashed up little room he was in. The one in black was there and leaning a small chair against the opposite wall. Roxas could feel the dull thud of his pulse pumping through his head. "T-thanks." he mumbled.

"Yeah..." the blonde man didn't look at him, keeping a pair of startlingly bright blue eyes fixated on the task of avoiding him.  
Well, not only was this guy a blonde like him but he had cliché blue eyes to match his as well... wait...

"C-Cloud?" he guessed.

Their ocean hues meet. "You know my-ah... Roxas?"

"Yeah."

Roxas paused awkwardly when his stomach cried out.

"When's the last time you took a bite to eat?"

"Around... 35 hours ago." He said, trying to be exact.

"Leon will be back with food… are you trying to starve yourself out there?" Cloud asked, sliding off his chair.

"I've just been busy." he defended.

"Too busy to eat?" Cloud curved an eyebrow at him.

"Kind of, actually." he used his arms to push himself up, though his head swirled angrily with pain, forcing him back down. "Hngrhh... god..."

"Careful there..." he was warned, the man coming to sit on the armrest at his feet. "What's wrong? Neck injury? Head problems?"

"My head is damn near killing me... some very intense headache."

"Could be due to the lack of food. Anything else you've been neglecting? Water?"

"What are you, a doctor?"

Cloud slumped down a little in the couch cushions. "Lets just say I'm... experienced with injuries..."

"…I haven't slept in a while..."

"How long have you been 'forgetting' sleep as well?"

"Didn't sleep last night... or the one before I think... nothing during the day ether."

"Jeez, you ARE just asking to be killed."

Roxas huffed. "Tch. Like you care."

"I care that some kid, so fatigued on food, water and sleep was still able to knock the sword right from my hands." the lightest of smiles pulled at his lips as he tilted his hand to the thick weapon that was leaned against the wall next to the creaky old chair.

A rusty handle rattled, and Leon swung in through the door, stopping Roxas in mid-sentence. "I have food for the prisoner." Leon joked, setting two rustling bags of food on the ground. "Ah you're awake, you gave us a bit of a scare there." He switched to a concerned glare. "Figured out what's up with him?"

"Just skipping the essentials, chuck some food here, he's pretty weak."

Roxas took note on how they talked as if he wasn't in the room. "Hey, I'm not weak... just... sore."

After munching down three Nutella sandwiches and four bananas swirled down with a glass of milk the boy was shrugging nicely down into the sofa. He rested his head onto the armrest and felt content with the food inside him and ready to catch up on the much needed sleep.

He barely noticed the cold blanket being swept over him, and he fell asleep as the soft cover warmed around him.


	3. I Hate My Other

Cloud tucked the smooth sleeping bag around the boys' shoulders, observing the dull shade of pink that was now spreading over the boys' cheeks.

It seems that food had done him some good, giving a healthier glow to his sheet white skin.

"Do you know why he's here?" Leon asked in a noticeably serious tone.

"Not fully. I think it might have something to do with Sora..."

Leon nodded gently. "Yes he did seem to be quick to mention Sora before... though he did not seem fond of him. Roxas may be here to find Sora and end him."  
Cloud could not imagine this boy wishing to kill another. True, he did seem scornful of Sora, but he was sure he wasn't planning to harm him.  
"He would have asked if we had seen him. That subject of Sora was brought up between us too, though he didn't seem to want to even mention it."

Cloud felt pity growing within him at the sight of Roxas. Alone and broken was how so many people ended up slipping into the wrong sate of mind.  
He did not want to be fighting this little Nobody a few years on.

"I don't want to think what will happen to him if he carries on like this." Cloud murmured softly, not taking his eyes off the docile blonde. "...He's a very lost kid."

Leon sighed. "Weren't we all? Well. We can ask him his business when he wakes up, he looks like he needs sleep."

"I'm going for a walk, take care of him." Cloud informed as he paced to his sword and carefully slid the huge weapon into its sheath on his back.

"If you're looking for Yuffie she's now gone to see if she can get through more of the hallways of Ansem's old place, though as for Aerith I have no idea." Leon explained.

"And what of the Wizard?"

"Who knows? But I'm not sticking around here ether, I'm meeting Yuffie to look through that mess." he waved off as he swung open the heavy wooden door and exited through it before Cloud had a chance to.

The blonde man stood in the tranquil nose that was left in the large room. The passing's of Roxas's heavy breaths joined the ever buzzing song of the large computer. It reminded Cloud of the sound of the ocean tides.

Just as he made it to the door, he spotted a sleeve of black peeping over the slick, deep red blanket.

He walked back to the boy and once again tucked the sleeping bag around his shoulder, then turned away, determined not to look back again as he took his leave.

It was Hollow Bastions usual eerie self, all the more reason for him to suspect Sephiroth lurking around the corner. He should've probably been watchful, alert or even tense but he was finding himself getting too lost within the empty atmosphere around him. That deathly silence that had been hanging around him his whole life, always the same depressing lack of noise and company.

It was own his own fault though, it always was. He wouldn't let anyone come close to him, no one would be able to keep up with his dangerous lifestyle, and the second they fell behind they would be lost in the darkness that followed him, namely Sephiroth.

----

He returned with a bitter air about him, this 'walk' had done him no good whatsoever, only reminded him of how miserable he had forced himself to be.

His chain of thought was broken by a string of mumbles as he walked in the door. He came to the bedside of the sleeping Roxas, eyes fixed on his lips to see if anymore words would form. After a few slow seconds Roxas spoke clearly. "Where'd you guys go? I woke up and..." He opened his eyes slowly.

"I didn't think I was gone for that long." he said, noticing the stretch of late afternoon sun that splayed over the floor through the open door. "Was I?" It hadn't been the first time he had lost all sense of time within his own thoughts; he had been doing that too much lately.

Roxas sat up. "Something wrong?"

"It's nothing I would explain to a stranger." he said, refusing to look the boy in the eye.

Roxas huffed, slipping back down into the blanket. "They're right, you are cold."

"Who are right?" Cloud asked, eyes narrowing.

"Leon and Aerith. They came back here for a bit and said some things."

Cloud turned away, crossing his arms. "What did they say?" he asked, his attention peaked with curiosity as to what his 'friends' had to say about him.

"That you keep to yourself and just walking around this place looking for someone you need to kill."  
Cloud's lip twitched with distaste. How could they make his life seem so trivial? "His name is Sephiroth." He informed the boy.  
"Leon seemed to doubt his existence."  
As much as this annoyed Cloud it didn't surprise him in the least.  
"Aerith was fonder of you though, she says you've had it tough."  
"What about you then?"

Roxas paused, eyes flying over the man as if searching him for something. "What about me?"  
"Why are you here, kid?" Cloud retrieved his chair from the corner on the room and seated himself in it in front of the sofa. The boy pulled a face. "I might tell you if you use my name." he said, pulling himself off the couch.  
Cloud chuckled mentally. "Okay then, Roxas."  
"Forget it; I don't have time to waste here." He tucked his hands into his pockets and headed straight for the door. He suddenly decided sticking around was pointless. "I've got more important things to do."  
Cloud thought how rude he was for walking out without so much as a 'thanks'. But when the boys' hand was grasped on the doorknob he spoke. "What do you want with Sora?"  
Roxas hissed through his teeth. "Don't mention Sora to me." He warned, turning back for a second.

Their eyes caught. Roxas's brow creased. Those determined eyes glared into him and it triggered something inside him. A deep and vague memory sprung up. Cloud's mouth was covered in deep red cloth and beads of sweat inched down his temples. A thick blade, held by Cloud's two hands stood between them…and then it was gone. Another wave of pain replaced the vision. "Agh…"

He saw Cloud standing in front of his before he was carried back to the sofa. The pain resided quickly. "S-sorry…"

"It seems you've forgotten yourself and said something kind to me."

This comment was ignored. "You fought Sora? When...? Why?"

"Organized battle." He quickly replied with. "But how-"

"…Who won?"

"A three headed dog." Cloud found some kind of pleasure in the boys' startled face.

"You're weird."

"How is it that you commanded our white enemies?"

"They're called Nobodies." He corrected.

"I know that."

Roxas blinked, taken by surprise. "You do? What else do you know about u-" he caught himself and stuttered. "About them?" For a few seconds he was under Cloud's intense stare, a stare that made him look slightly twisted. "…So you are one of them." He finally said.

"How much to do know?" he asked wearily.

"I know that you must be one of the high up Nobodies, so you would've lost your heart to someone with…oh." Cloud's gaze returned to him as everything in his mind unraveled. "You're Sora's Nobody, aren't you?"

He scowled. "Yeah, so?"

"You really don't like him do you?"

Roxas sat up and hugged his knees. "…I'm like a little disobedient shadow of a Keyblade master. How would you feel?"

"Then why do you have a Keyblade?"

"I… I don't know. I'm here to find out."

"You're not here for Sora?"

"I'm trying to be as detached from him as possible. I'm here to find a computer that supposed to have answers about all this stuff. My old master said it's here somewhere."

"You're part of that Organization?"

"I was…" It seemed Cloud knew a lot about Nobodies. Though they had been attacking this place for a while. It makes sense to know your enemy.

"So answers is all you're here for?"

He nodded. "I don't know anything about myself, so if I want to start a life away from Sora and the Organization I'd like to know a bit about me."

"Once you know something there's not escaping it…" Cloud trailed off, eyes distant.

Roxas rolled his eyes. "You can't understand, you're a human. You could never understand living like this… with nothing but Sora's memories to tell me what to do and how to act… it's just maddening. I thought the Organization could help me obtain what I needed to have an existence of my own but they got me nowhere. They'd just tell me to stop acting like…anything. Apparently we don't eve have emotions, we're not even humans because we don't even exist, I couldn't handle that for very long."

"And you truly believe a computer will tell you who you are?"

"I just need it to tell me _something_ about me. Whether it's about Nobodies or Keyblades or hearts or-or other worlds out there."

Roxas's face was calm but Cloud could hear the pain behind his hollow words.

"Right now I know more about Sora then I do about myself. So…maybe… if I learn some things about me, some thing to relate to my own being then I could live more as me and less as a…an imprint of someone else."

Roxas had never told these things to anyone. Loose bits of it had been voiced to Axel, but never it's full extent. He knew he had been keeping it hidden for a long time now and he had anticipated it to burst from him soon. But he didn't think he would be spilling it all into a strangers ears. But he almost felt it was better this way. A stranger doesn't know who you are, they can't judge you.

Silence had ensued for a while now. It was Cloud who eventually broke it. "You're young… do you have any friends?"

Roxas sighed, giving into this man. "I left one behind with the Organization."

Cloud opened his mouth for a second before half shutting it and then opening it once more. "Whatever. Do…what you want. But in the mean time you need to be cared for here."

"Yeah I know. Maybe Leon and Aerith and maybe even you could help me."

"Yeah…" He didn't sound so sure.


	4. Lies and the Loft

He was growing quickly fond of Cloud, sure he was a bit anal sometimes and overly sorry for himself, though Roxas couldn't blame him.

But he was so... knowing, he had a strong been-there-done-that sense about him.

Cloud talked a little about Hollow Bastion, and that he was here for Sephiroth. Roxas didn't delve too much into that subject; he could see a show of teeth whenever Cloud sneered into that name which he clearly despised with a passion.

Next came his turn when he was asked what his business here was.

"A computer. Some kind of super computer. Belonged to some guy called Ansem."

"Ansem? I don't think you'll need to look far..."

"Huh?"

"Leon and his friends have been looking through some abandoned place of a guy named Ansem. "

Roxas edged forwards slightly. "Could you take me there?"

"I could help you look… Why must you find it?"

"It holds information. Things that I don't know, things about me..."

Cloud didn't ask any further questions, though Roxas almost wanted to tell him. He hadn't talked to anything sane in who knew how long. He was thriving on human attention right now, not that he noticed it.

He was a Nobody, a feelingless nothing, not even human. Why would he need humans? And yet here he was, basking in ones attention.

They chatted more and more, Roxas was soon telling him about the old Organization XIII and Sea-salt ice-cream, struggle matches and homework.

"You know..." he considered, inching his face up to Cloud's. "I think I remember you, you were holding that sword..." he closed his eyes, leaving Cloud only to guess what was being pictured behind closed lids. "...and you were all... sweaty?"

The man chuckled.

"Did you fight Sora?" Roxas asked as his eyes opened to their full, blue glory again.

"It was merely like your Struggle Tournaments. Organized battle." he explained, failing to reveal the full truth behind it. Working a part time job for the God of the Underworld was not something he talked lightly of, even if it was a while ago.

"Did you win?"

"Couldn't you figure that out for yourself?"

Roxas shrugged. "I'm not fond of digging too far into his memories."

"You'll need to eventually. There not just his memories, they are just as much yours. Like it or not you were both the same person once and you can't just forget 13 years of your life."

"14." he corrected.

"Anyway, you'll see what I mean after too long. How long have you been separated from Sora?"

As soon as he was about to answer Cloud's question, Leon came in, trailed by a girl in the smallest amount of clothing, and highest boots he has even seen. She had short, angled black hair and a perky smile abroad her features.

"Hiya Cloud! Hiya... Cloud-mini?" she said, biting her lip at the sight of him.

"Hi Yuffie." Roxas found himself saying.

"Oh? Meet you before have I? Sorry I have an absolutely terrible memory for faces."

"He's the one I mentioned..." Leon said, striping his heavy leather jacket off his frame.

"Oh. He doesn't look threatening, Squall, you're just getting paranoid. So where you from?" she said, wiping a smudge of dirt off her cheek.

"Uhm." Roxas caught on that Cloud hadn't told them about him being a Nobody, and he was grateful for that. "Small town, probably wouldn't have heard of it."

"Oh? What's it called?" Yuffie asked, hands perched on her womanly hips.

"...Twilight. Twilight Town." he responded, thought trailing off to time when he had people he knew and loved surrounding him. Good times.

"Hmmmm. Nope. You heard of it, Squall?"

"No." the brunette replied, busy taping away into the old computer terminal, his face flicking up and down from the green screen to the dusty keys. "_Leon _might of though, why don't you ask him?"

Roxas leaned over, watching Leon's fingers hover over the keyboard with an excited smile and an exuberant mind. This computer could be it.

Yuffie grumbled. "What's the point of your mother naming you if you never USE it?"

"How many times, Yuffie? We've been through this-"

Roxas felt himself being pulled back by his shoulder and the tips of blonde spikes meshed into his own and tickled his cheek as Cloud whispered in his ear. "I see the look in your eyes... you're thinking this is your super computer?"

"It's got to be!" he hissed happily.

"I'd think again, it looks nothing like an advanced computer. Nether do I think it belongs to Ansem."

"I'll just ask, no harm in that right?" Roxas shrugged.

"I think there could be."

"That computer..." Roxas said, breaking out of whisper to pull Leon's attention from his argument with Yuffie.

"Yes...?"

"What does it do?" Roxas eagerly asked. He felt Cloud's hand that was still clinging to his shoulder, tighten further.

"Oh, the computer runs the town. I'm trying to get the defense system to work again." he said, still clicking away.

Roxas ignored the signs from Cloud to keep quiet. "Is that all it does? Work the town?"

"That's what it was built for, yes."

"I just need to…know… is it Ansem's?"

Leon's gaze narrowed on him. "How do you know about Ansem?"

Yuffie joined in, with crossed arms and a sticking out hip. "The only thugs who have been looking for Ansem's old things have done thing but attack us. Those freakish ghouls." She shivered.

"Not to mention that man in black…" Leon swept his icy eyes over Roxas's black attire of the Organization pants, boots, and under cloak t-shirt.

The young blonde swept the sleeping bag over him again, not liking the feeling of that guy's eyes creeping over his body. "I'm not here to nick whatever you're looking for!" he said, curling in on himself, bringing Cloud's ever lingering hand around him.

"Cloud, can we trust him?" Leon said, switching his attention.

"He saved me from the very white ghouls; he's hardly in league with them if that's what you're thinking." Cloud defended.

"I thought _you_ dragged _him_ in here."

The aggravated Cloud stood, matching Leon's harsh glares. "What are you suggesting now? That I've brought a curse upon us? This boy is no curse; he assisted me when I was but a stranger."

"Cloud you must understand, these creatures are attacking us from all sides, Maleficent has moved back into the ruins of the castle, her heartless are growing again too and now we've been paid a visit from a man in a black jacket snooping around the same things we're looking for. It's all very dangerous... and suspicious."

"And you want us to throw a 15 year old out into all that?"

"Would you risk all of our safety?" Leon growled in return.

"I'm doing that already just by staying here myself, yet you still insist I stay!"

Roxas had had enough. "Look, stop! I-I'll go then, I don't want to cause so muc-"

"Sit down, Roxas." Cloud ordered. "And don't leave, we'll work this out."

"Mind if I help?" A light, floaty voice chimed as Aerith made her gracious entry into the large room. "Oh, I see I'm just in time." She said, watching the tension set onto each face.

"As always." sighed Cloud.

Roxas settled back into the familiar sofa, confident that this would get sorted out under the influence of Aerith's kind nature. He hated to be the cause of this trouble; he didn't like to be 

the upset of this conflict. Maybe he really didn't belong among people. Nobodies and humans didn't seem to mix well at all.

But for now, he sat it out. Not something he often did.

"I'm just saying, an uncomforting number of threats and dangers have passed through here all looking for the same thing!" Leon pushed his point to them.

"Communication, boys!" Yuffie said, finally jumping into the quarrel. "Why don't you ASK him why he wants to find it?"

Roxas saw the tiny double take that Cloud did as he nodded in agreement. The man looked at him, bright eyes frowned over, telling him to take caution.  
So he was to make up a story? Some reason more innocent than how he needed it to find things out about himself because he was very oblivious to whom he physically was and what would happen to him now that he was one of the heartless creatures that were attacking Hollow Bastion. Ah, shit.  
Now what would someone need a computer for… knowledge? Research?

"So, Roxas?" the gentle woman with the gentler voice asked, kindly remembering his name. "Why are you looking for this computer?"

"Research." He said, maybe a little too quickly. "Ansem, he was… well he was my uncle." He hurriedly formed a story in his head, based on how Axel had always called Xemnas 'Granddad', it reminded him of Ansem. Roxas had always thought Ansem would look just like Xemnas. Tall, grey, and burning orange eyed like Nobody himself. They were the same person after all. After quickly deciding that Ansem probably wasn't that old he settled on an uncle. "He set me out to gather information he needed about-"he pretended to clear his throat while thinking up what to say next. "Those Nobodies. But now that he's disappeared I decided to come back to find his computer and enter in what I found out myself into his personal computer."

Not too shabby, he thought. Sure he started out with saying he needed it for research and ended up telling them that he has already done said researching and now needed it to enter in his findings, but he still thought it was pretty good for a few seconds of panicked piecing together.

"Oh, I'm so sorry." Aerith said.

It took him a second to figure out what she meant. "Oh, that's okay. Me and my uncle weren't very close."

"But you still went out and did that for him?" Yuffie asked, cocking her head to the side.

"He offered to pay me. He was getting a little old and needed me to go for him, plus Mum said we needed the munny." Mum… hah, that was rich.

"You left you mother? Oh, you poor thing."

The girls seemed to be very sympathetic, probably because of his age. "Nah it's alright. I haven't spent more than one week at home since I was about 10."

"Where do you always go?" Leon asked, now more interested than suspicious.

"General travel, training, and I do jobs for cash." He shrugged.

"Sounds like all of us." Yuffie said. "But you're like, what? 13?"

"15." He corrected stubbornly.

"Well you would need a lot of training at your age to save Cloud's sorry ass." The dark haired ninja laughed.

"So… am I cleared now? I'm just here to punch what I know into the computer and that's it." Roxas said.

"You could help us then, do you know where it is?" Leon asked eagerly.

"He-uhm. He never even told me where the actual computer was. Only to enter my knowledge into it if anything should happen to him, I-uh, I think he might have known he was in danger…"

"Oh. Yeah, he would have known if he asked you to do that if anything would happen." The tall brunette said, sounding slightly disappointed. "Well in this case we will be able to help each other… I apologize for before… for suspecting you; I mean you're just a kid."

"Do I get to stay with you guys then?" he asked, feeling his false happiness wiggle into his stomach.

"Of course." He nodded, hands sliding into leather pockets.

"What are the sleeping arrangements for tonight then?" Yuffie said. "It's already dark and I am not giving up my bed!"

"Can't I just go back on the sofa?"

"Not a good idea."  
Roxas smiled when he felt Cloud's hand rest on his shoulder again as the man stepped up behind him. "Why not?"he asked.

"In here alone? With no door lock? At night? Not a good plan." Cloud said, looking down at Roxas with blank eyes.

"He can stay in one of the nearby houses with us." Leon offered.

Roxas looked back up at Cloud. "With you?"

Cloud lead him out of the room, shutting the heavy door slowly behind them.

The night world outside was a usual bitter cold one, a thick layer of clouds hazed all the nights shinning sky beacons. Nothing could be seen beyond the walls of small houses that made up the walls of the maze-like town… nothing could be seen to a human anyway.

"Think that was a good story?" the boy asked.

"I warned you not to ask, didn't I?"

"Well… I got out of it."

"That's not the point." He said as he led the way down the small street. "You should have listened. Leon was already weary about your presence and all odds were against you, and yet you foolishly dug yourself into a bigger hole."

"Well I didn't know that he was all the suspect on me, how should I of known?" Roxas shrugged.

"By- forget it. It doesn't matter now. A few peoples trust is hardly worth the trouble. Just keep to your story, or we'll have some serious trouble. This is the thanks I get for letting you share my place…" He stopped suddenly, making Roxas walk straight into him.

"Warn me next time!" the young Nobody stammered as he staggered backwards.

"Watch next time." was his reply.

He was shown into wooden house, which had just one large room. There was a small black stove in the corner and a large open fireplace set into the far wall. In the middle was a large, circular table with three old chairs sticking out of it, all wooden as well.  
The room flickered in and out of light as a small light bulb that stuck out from a wall socket flickered dimly. Under the failing bulb was a stack of grand, yet dusty pictures, all nicely framed in gold carvings.

"Useless things." Cloud muttered approaching the dying light sphere.

Roxas watched him scowl and flick his fingers against the glass, looking guiltily up and down his back.  
He had screwed up be time back there, ignoring good advice and running himself into shit with the others. He thought he had done fine but Cloud was right, it was a very stupid thing to do. And now Cloud was angry at him and he would have to pretend to be an actual person to everyone else.  
He wasn't cut out for his human interaction stuff. Half a day and he had already screwed it up. Humans were so complicated! Faking normality to the others was hard; all his emotions were fakes. He had found himself a good friend and managed to cock it up straightaway, how could he handle a room of people.

Nobodies and people would just never work. Maybe what Xemnas had always said was right. Maybe they did belong on opposite sides.

"Hey... You okay?"

Cloud was by him again, fingers about to rest back on his shoulder.

"No." he turned away from his touch. "I-I mean yes. It's just… nothing." He shouldn't tell Cloud, he was annoyed enough as it was.

"I doubt it. Tell me after then. But come inside, no use standing in the doorway." Cloud pushed the small of his back, guiding him into the room.

He didn't belong in the house. He was supposed to be residing safely in the grand white castle with his fellow nothings, he didn't deserve these peoples kindness. So did they deserve his?

Cloud picked up a long wooden pole from the floor with a tiny metal hook at the end of it. He hoisted it above his head and caught the hook around another metal loop on the ceiling. Roxas looked up to see there was a large trap door in the ceiling, obviously opened by the hoop that Cloud had latched onto.

He pulled down and a large ladder came rolling out of the door and landed with a clunk on the floor.  
"What's up there?" Roxas asked, squinting into the darkness beyond the mysterious door in the roof.

"Well once you take into account that there are no beds down here you might be able to work it out for yourself." The man said, taking a step onto the ladder, hand gripping the rails.

He followed promptly behind, up narrow set of stairs and up through the floor of a cozy loft. It was reasonably wide and long, with more wood floors and rows thick beams ran through its triangular ceiling.  
There were two, large windows set into the far wall, taking it up entirely. The view out of the 

pristine windows was spectacular.  
The whole town was captured within them, only a few lights were sprinkled throughout the colorful city from tiny windows of shops. Stretching past the small town canyons and maws of blue rose and fell in rocky slopes, and near the end of this expanse of land was a shinning blue star-like light wedged into the stone. It glowed mysteriously and distantly, just a small glimmer in the end of the horizon where the night sky capped the vast landscape.

"Wow…" he breathed. "Look at that… its so…" He stepped forwards and weaved his way through the beds that filled the long room, stopping right up to the window and sliding his hand onto the chill glass.

He vaguely heard Cloud scuffle forwards, knocking a bedpost and losing his footing for a second as he came up behind him.

"What is that?" he asked, covering the alluring glow with but a fingertip.

"The light?"

"Yeah…"

Cloud shoved his hands deep into his tight pockets and spoke. "It's a small passage way between the canyon walls that's covered with huge crystal figures and that's all them glowing away there."

"You have such a nice view. With the blue hills behind the red rooftops and all the lights over that grey. The colors and light are so pretty" He sighed. He remembered the view from his old bedroom window in Castle Oblivion. Nothing but artificial neon greens and blinding yellows on black buildings.

"I need to be able to see everything, for Spehiroth anyway. But it is nice up here as well." Cloud shrugged, looking back over the half constructed town. "It's more pleasant in the day, you can see all the colors of the t-"he paused, suddenly aware that he had just had the colors described to him, yet the dark of the night had blurred nearly everything into a single black void. "How did you just tell me what that looks like?"

"Oh?" Roxas blinked, almost startled as if he just realized something. "You can't see that?"

A similar head to his shook back at him. "Only darkness. And the street lights and crystals."

"Light." Roxas breathed onto the glass, watching it mist over lightly. After a while he reached up and traced a pointed symbol from his memory into the frosted haze. He shook his head at it and turned his back on the Organization logo he'd drawn, looking around the not so dark room. There were more than two large beds up there, about five of them jumbled around the floor 

space they shared with a large padlocked wardrobe. No wonder Cloud had tripped up in this mess. He drew in a breath of the bitter cold air around him and echoed his last word, putting some kind of meaning behind the simple syllable this time. "Light!"

The roughly scribbled symbol on the window clouded over and the bright outline of a shinning key blared out through it. It glowed lightly for the moment before bursting out, illuminating every inch of the triangular room in one, effortless burst.

Clouds eyes captured the soft glow that enhanced the room in one blink. It wasn't a harsh, burning white glare of brightness, but a gentle inviting touch of pale yellow that traced the room.

At first it appeared to be hovering around on its own accord, no apparent source of it.  
But the cause of the kindly light revealed itself from the place most unthought-of.  
In the middle of the window, usually the fuel of darkness by the night outside was now the origin of its opposite. The shimmering silhouette of the key defeating the black above all. Roxas liked to think that it must of have some kind of meaning, but meaning is worthless to a meaningless Nobody.

"That's new."

"That's a Nobody thing." Roxas replied, silently pleased with himself at the impressed look about Cloud's eyes.

They pulled up two beds right to the window, the foot of the beds pushed up to the glass so they could look out at the town.

Heavy thuds and ringing clangs echoed loudly around the small room when boots, belts, hidden amour and leather sheaves piled up on the ground, all from Cloud's attire.  
The boy looked strangely up at him from the pile around his feet, pulling a face. The man snorted into his hand as he quickly held back a pearl of laughter. The look of Roxas's face, mouth agape, lip twitched up with one eyebrow frowned down and the other cocked up. It could have made a cold rock laugh.

With his face now in his pillow, Cloud dared to look again. He could have sworn that cheeky thing has only his ridiculous expression larger. He gathered a roll of soft pillow in his mouth and bit down into it to release some sense of amusement. Stupid kid, what kind of lame joke was this?

He shook his head and threw the feather filled object at Roxas, who ducked, caught and threw it back. "It's all drooled on!" he squealed. Cloud rolled back onto the bed to kick it away again, 

making the cushion smack into the deserving Nobodies face. "What's that for?!" he complained, wiping saliva madly from his cheek that wasn't really even there.

"Throwing it back."

"Well I threw it back because you threw it in the first place… why'd you throw it in the first place?"

"You were being foolish."

"Well you should lighten up."

Cloud climbed under the thick duvet, it had no sheet on it, he had never seen much point in sheets. "Yeah well I don't see you setting a good example, light boy."

"What do you mean?"

"You were rather jumpy… and you were talking very…meekly before. What's on your mind?"

Roxas sat at the end of his bed, pulling the black silk of the oversized pajamas that Cloud lent him up his shoulder. "A lot, as usual. But mainly that…Y-you're mad at me aren't you? I know you're trying to act like you not…"

"Hold on, why am I mad at you?" he asked, sitting up to rest his back against the wooden head rest.

"Digging myself into a bigger hole…"

Cloud sighed, pulling his shirt over his head and folding it neatly. "You think I'm still sour about that?" He laid the clothing item on top of his pile.

"So you're-you're not? It seemed you were pretty pissed when you lectured me on asking about the computer and then you didn't really talk to me and you were angry at your light fixture and then you laughed at me and threw your pillow at my head and-and… yeah."

"Wow you've really been paying attention haven't you?"

"Haven't you?"

Cloud wrapped his arms around his knees and rested his head on top. He kept his eyes peeked under his golden yellow tresses at Roxas. "You can't take my annoyance at you seriously. I was a little bothered that you still asked, true. But I'm not even sore about it anymore, I've already forgotten it. Emotions just come and go, like me and that light bulb and laughing. It's just what you feel at a time, and then something else happens and it's gone."

"Emotions are so hard to comprehend." Roxas whined, falling across his bed, head lolling down one side of the mattress. He brought on some kind of pleading look, but what he was pleading for he wasn't totally sure, maybe he was begging for some sense.

"Annoyed?" the man teased.

"No. That wouldn't be possible."

"…Do you remember what it's like being annoyed?"

"Yeah." Roxas rolled and twisted until he was under the blanket, hitching his pajamas up in several places as he went. "But then when I feel something, Sora likes to break through. He comes into my mind and I just remember his memories of being annoyed."

Cloud settled back into a relaxing rest on his mattress. "What kind of memories?"

"There's…" Roxas hesitated for a moment, twisting a finger in an already curled wave of hair. "A boy. I know him really well, he's with me all the time even when I was little. He's with me in a lot of emotions but now… He's irritating me about something, he's making me feel frustrated."

"How?"

"Ho-How what?" the smaller blonde did a small double-take, as if pulling himself from a trance.

"How's he annoying you?" Cloud asked, genuinely interested. He enjoyed hearing about this Nobodies supernatural life.

"He's showing off a little, reminding me how he beat me at something… again. He's kidding, that much I can tell, but he'll wont let me forget it anytime soon. But because he's my friend, I know he'll keep it to a minimum."

Cloud shifted onto his stomach, folding his arms onto his feather pillow and sitting his chin atop his bare forearms. While Roxas watched how much Cloud moved around. _Maybe it's some kind of human thing to be restless. Or a human fighters can't sit still, like they're always on their toes. _He thought.

"Do you yourself know this guy?"

"Don't think so. Just Sora's friend… probably best friend. Yes, best friend. His name is… god what was it? R…ra… Sora and R… kk, kka? Ka…akka? I don't know. But I'm… well Sora, is jealous of his hair, but I don't tell him this, especially now since he's teasing me."

"So anytime you feel an emotion you get Sora's memories of feeling that same emotion? It must be a bit overwhelming."

"Last time I was annoyed that same boy was getting on my nerves, but this time about some girl that he thought I liked. But you learn to ignore it after a while, it just becomes apart of everyday non-existence."

Roxas curled in on himself, lids dousing his wavering eyes.

"You exist as much as anyone, I hope you know."

"But I have nothing to exist _for._" he murmured.

"Something we both share." Roxas heard more scuffling from Cloud as he no doubt changed position once again. "But we both don't share the ability to make light as special as that, and I'm hoping the one of us that can is also able to undo what he's done to my window."

With no response from the weathered boy, the shimmering logo dulled out. It threw blackness against Roxas's lids, relaxing him further into untroubled sleep.

_**I fell into darkness, and I couldn't find the light.**_

_You'll find it. _

No… not Sora again.

_I'm searching too._

_**For your light?**_

_**Don't lose sight of it.**_

_Hey, how about a rematch some time?_

Cloud?

_Fair and square, no dark powers involved!_

_**I Think I'll pass.**_


	5. Lover from Another Other

"Up."

Roxas flinched away as a cold slap of material landed against his face.  
For a while he lay there, content with not forcing himself out of the warm sanctuary of the bed. But soon his breath was unpleasantly steaming back into his own face against the shirt over him.

He sat up, pulling the rest of his clean clothes over to him. He pressed the neat pile of black cloth to his nose, taking in the fresh sent trapped within them. "Who cleaned these?"

"They're new."

"Eh?" he looked through them and sure enough instead of the heavy organization pants was a black pair of jeans that were faded grey around the knee area. The shirt was relatively similar to his old one expect it was without sleeves completely and under it was a long thin, black and blue zip-up hoodie.

He changed quickly while Cloud selected blades from the wardrobe to slide into the large sheath on his back.

"What's supposed to be happening today?" he asked, wiggling his foot into his boots and tugging his pants legs down over them.

"Leon should be organizing more clean up of the town." Cloud said.

"And… we help?"

"Not if you don't want to." Cloud kicked open the trapdoor to the lower level and started down the ladder.

"Well what are you going to do?"

The man touched down onto the floor planks below. "Searching…"

"Sephiroth." Roxas muttered as he followed down. "I need to find the computer, and you said they were clearing out Ansem's old place?"

"Yes." Cloud confirmed, helping Roxas down the last few stairs and pushing the ladder and door back into the ceiling.

"So I should go with them and we might find it, right?"

"That would be the best idea, just make sure you stick to your story and let nothing slip."

Cloud walked to a small kitchen unit in the rooms' far corner, selecting a decent looking apple from the small bowl on the bench top. He then led the way out of the house and onto the street.

"So… I'll go with the others right away…"

The man looked back, nodding. "Yeah I guess so." He didn't know why, but he had been expecting to spend the day with the boy at his side, walking the lengths of Hollow Bastion together and talking over more things. Even though he knew Roxas was looking for the computer and also that he wouldn't let Roxas with him if he tired to track down Sephiroth, it was too dangerous. Then why had he woken up this morning expecting the day to be planned to his liking?

As Cloud's teeth where positioned on the skin of the green apple, ready to delve through it for a bite, he took a question to Roxas. "You didn't take anything to eat?"

"Not hungry."

Cloud rolled his eyes, turning back suddenly to take the others hand and place the smooth apple in his palm.

Roxas watched him carry on down the street, eyes shifting from the apple to the twin blondes back. "Don't you want-"he stopped himself, he knew Cloud wasn't listening.

As they came to the house-like building nestled in the corner, a person skidded around the opposite corner and bolted through the door. They had gone past too fast to be able to tell anything about them, but it was obviously not Leon, Aerith or Yuffie.

"Who was that?" Roxas asked, rather startled.

"I don't know… Let's find out."

Roxas wasn't entirely prepared for what he was to see past that door.  
It was the figure of the boy from his dreams, memories and emotions. He wasn't much of a boy anymore though, his arms were well worked into lean muscle and he'd grown much taller than Roxas had seen in his mind. His hair came down in long layers of glimmering silver that spread down his shoulders and over his face as he was bent over, one hand against the wall and another supported on his knee as he gasped. He seemed rather short of breath.

Then he looked up. A distinguished pair of enamel aqua eyes dominated through his snowy hair. He smiled, just a delicate, illusive lift of his lips is all it was, but it made Roxas mirror it thrice as large.

Another set of pounding footsteps made the grown boy tilt his head up; his delicate nose tip peeked out through his curtain of strands as he did. He then hurriedly composed himself to a staunch pose, arms crossed, one foot lapped over the other and a hip kinked out against the wall. A smirk was set high on his face.

Roxas gulped, cupping his hand around the back of his heated neck. He instinctively walked backwards into the safe hold of Cloud's hand that familiarly slid onto his shoulder on cue. He felt like a timid puppy scampering back to its owner.

"I win, ahah!"  
Roxas cringed when a happy, burningly familiar voice stumbled into the room.

He bowed his head, fingers balling into a trembling fist and his nails drew juice from the round fruit. He dared not turn around, but the face and memories of the boy in question ached inside him more than ever.

"Not a chance, Sora."  
Roxas looked up as the memory pretty-boy spoke, just in time to see him smirking almost sweetly.

"Gah! How the heck did you get here so fast? I thought I lost you!"

He willed himself to turn, throwing the apple into the wall at the nearest brunette head he could see, and then pelted out the door.

He heard a call for him. "Roxas!"

"Screw off!"

He spilt open a dark swirling portal and raced through. He closed it instantly behind him in case he was followed.

He came out along the rocky ledges over the canyons of where he started in this world.  
He thought he must be acting like some angsty teenager, then realized he was and kept on running.

Everything had been going so well, he was making the beginnings of his _own_ life. Now Sora had come to take it away. Sora would reveal to everyone he was a Nobody, Sora would take Cloud's care and attention for his own and Roxas would have to leave. Why did he always have to steal everything of his away? Tears started to come as he swore to himself, not attempting to keep quiet about it.

It was with his cold wet distress in his eyes that he landed a foot too close to the brink and his heel slipped off. He cried out and tried to grab the ledge as he skidded down, only managing to smack his hand against it. He rolled and flipped brutally down the drop of the canyon wall. He was battered badly as he tumbled down, fast approaching the ground. His head connected with the rock wall on many occasions and he was becoming very disorientated. He felt he was going to vomit, his head was thrashed into a dizzied state, and there was dust in his lungs and blood in his mouth. Then his calf collided with a large rock and he cringed with pain. Why couldn't he just hit the floor already?

B L A N K

The world was still spinning around him when he was sprawled over the ground. He coughed out something at some point, and then turned onto his back to watch the clouds do flips in the sky. "Cloud…" he moaned. "I can't be with you… not like this. I can't have a friend when I don't even have all of myself." He started to consider whether Cloud even saw him as a friend when he blacked out.

A crunching by his ear was all it took for him to stir. "How long?"

"Hmm… half hour I'd say."

So it wasn't Cloud. Cloud would've asked what he was talking about. He liked to be specific.

Now how could his foggy brain figure that out when it couldn't even process whose voice it was? Shit, what if it was Sora?

He curled in on himself, scraps and bruises all down his body painfully reminded him of their presence. "You look extremely beaten up, I saw the slip and made my way down. Are you okay?"

He peeked open an eye upon the admittedly feminine features of the silver haired memory boy. "Riku!" he cried, voice breaking into a high squeal. He crawled back, flinching obviously under the pain of his body. "Gaah…ahmm." He wasn't going to lie to himself: Riku's presence did unnerve him though it also forced him to be slightly happy. How rude.

"Take it easy, please." Riku asked, kneeling down beside him.

"I-I'm sorry. You… you don't know me but…"

"What are-… Look you're hurt. We'll get you some help, okay?"

Roxas gulped and shuddered. "Just listen to me. You don't want anything to do with me. You don't even know me but I know everything about you."

Riku studied the younger's face. Roxas knew it should have made him felt uncomfortable, but it didn't, and that scared him slightly.

"Well of course you do. But you're also wrong. I believe I know you quite well too."

Roxas felt rugged under Riku's perfect gaze. His bruised body and blood tasting tongue didn't help. "I'm not… him."

"Not Sora? I know you're not Sora. But I've still known you just as long."

"I'm not him… get away from me."

"No. I've been waiting too long."

Roxas's breath hitched. "Waiting?"

"You're my best friend!" Riku pushed, willing his words to get through it Roxas.

"Sora is, not me."

"You're him, he's you, you're different, you're the same. It doesn't matter which way you think about it you're still everything to me that he is."

Roxas had never really considered it that way… he liked it. "How can I be _anything _to you?"

Riku shrugged. "Like it or not we've been friends for nearly our whole lives, and that IS something… I've been wanting to meet your for a long time, Roxas."

"Y-You have?"

"Yes. Ever since I found out about you I've felt like there's something missing, so I had to meet you."

Roxas had never remembered feeling so important in his life. "I…. thank you?" He held out his hand, ignoring the discomfort it caused him. "Friends?"

"We always have been, but yeah nice to meet you. Aha." Riku took his hand, pulling him slowly up as he did so.

Roxas swayed were he stood before taking one stride forwards. He yelped suddenly, crippling under the awkward pain in his right leg. He fell hard onto all fours.

"Roxas!" the elder came to his side. "What's hurting the most?"

"It's my leg, I think I've broken it."

"Damn." Riku got his arm around his waist, pulling Roxas's weight against his chest. "Which leg?"

"Right."

Riku nodded, taking his left leg carefully in his other arm and standing, leaving his shattered limb dangling down.

"Am I not too heavy?"

"You're alright."

Riku started on their slow way back, picking up conversation were he could.

"Look at you, you're just like Sora. Those spikes are mad, how do you keep them all up there?"

"It just stays that way." He laughed, admitting he was a lot like Sora. Though Riku could make him feel good about it, Sora was the link that connected their newly refreshed friendship.

Everything happened fast after that, they talked the whole way back like they'd never spent a day without each other. They knew each other so well, there was so much that didn't need to be said.  
Riku could tell Roxas anything he wanted about all the flashes of emotion and his disconnected memories.  
They seemed to both of forgotten their only resent meeting.Roxas was so much like Sora and Riku was so much more then he'd expected.

They came out on a stone platform that overlooked the small town, stairs ran off it, down onto the street below off. A large crane sat, unmoving at its far end.  
It was here that Roxas felt his support tremble beneath him. "Hey, are you alright there?"

"I'm sorry but can I let you down for a second?"

"Yeah, sure."

Riku propped him up against the rusted base of the large crane. The silver haired boy began to roll his shoulders.

"Thanks by the way."

"No problem."

"We're so close." The blonde looked over the rooftops. "But I don't know what's going to happen once we get there. With no luck they all know I'm a Nobody, then what will happen?"

"Luck is on your side today. A man pulled me and Sora aside, Cloud I believe. He made sure we weren't going to tell anyone what you were. That was before we went to look for you."

"Good old Cloud. How many people went?"

"Me, Sora and Cloud. It's a good thing that only me and Sora were in that room, otherwise you'd have a lot of questions to answer."

"Ahem, yeah. I Suppose I've caused some trouble."

"We must think you're worth the trouble then." Riku gave a quick glace and an uplifting smile. "Let's move on."

"Already?"

"We'll need to get you some treatment."

Another cautious lift and they trudged carefully down the stairs. A short time along the street and through the door and they were into the small house again.  
The whole single room was cleaned up completely. The old couch he'd been sleeping on the day before was gone and desks and chairs were all placed a round, this time organized nicely, a fireplace had even manage to squeeze itself into the far wall and rugs were over the wooden floorboards. Books while piled in corners and candles sat around on tables.

Roxas slid himself out of Riku's arms, landing on one foot and supporting himself against a wall. "Why is no one here?"

"I think they all have jobs to do here and there."

Aqua eyes flicked around the room as the male they belonged to wondered around, searching for anything to help the other boy. He opened a cabinet that was fixed to the wall, peering into it. He was drawn back immediately by the rows of dodgy looking bottles of all curious colors and shapes. Some glowed and some things smoked. "Maybe not." He carefully closed the door in case he'd set anything dangerous off.

"I'm alright." Roxas assured. "I don't actually feel that sore. Just one or two knocks."

"Oh yeah. And just a broken leg too." Riku chuckled deeply turning back to the boy and dropping onto one knee in front of him.

Riku cast his hair away from his face between two fingers, tucking it behind his ear. He was looking at him with much scrutiny. "What do you want?"

"What?"

"You have the eyes that he does, but they tell me different things."

"Like what?" Roxas was starting to admit feeling like himself among Riku, everything about him was so familiar and natural. He didn't feel like the Nobody duck out of water around people.

"Sora's say generosity yours say desire. But _what_ do you desire?"

Roxas pondered this for a bit. "An Understanding of myself… and a life."

Riku nodded.

"Do you usually read peoples eyes?"

He earned a laugh from the other. "I suppose I do." He then reached out to Roxas's face, smudging some blood from around his mouth. "I-"

A rattle sounded and they both shoot their gazes to the door. Riku immediately jumped up and stepped back.

"Oh, hey you-"Leon waved as he walked in. "Whoa, Roxas. What happened to you?"

"I took a bad fall." Roxas said, remembering that Leon had no idea of the events of the morning. "Down the cliff side."

"How'd that happen?"

"Slipped."

"Damn. Well it looks like you were lucky, you could look a lot worse." Leon said, taking a glass bottle of glowing green liquid out from a pocket on the inside of his jacket. He handed it down to Roxas then went over to ruffle through some papers that sat around the computer.

Riku perked up. "What, you're giving him a potion for something like this?"

"Well it's all physical injuries so yeah, it's fine, they're cheep around here."

Roxas uncorked the top of it. "Do I uhh… drink it?"

"Yeah." Riku confirmed for him. "That's probably the most direct way to heal you. Have you never had a potion before?"

Roxas shook his head. "What does it taste like?"

"Hmm, what would you say, Leon?"

"Grass… and seaweed."

"Yeah that sounds about right."

Distaste crossed the youngest ones face. "Great." He took a swing of it and swallowed.

Every break of his flesh and discoloration of his skin shone green his entire right leg shone also. When the glow cleared he was left with a perfectly able body. He flexed his leg confidently. "Awesome."

"I need to go out to the site again, Yuffie just forgot the map which I now have." The young man held up a flooded square of paper. "If there's anything you need you'll probably find it in one of our surrounding houses so help yourselves."

"Thanks Leon." He said, placing down the bottle with a 'clink.'

"No problem."

Again the two boys were left alone.

"Its like heal magic in a bottle." Roxas said, watching the remaining mixture settle in its small flask.

"Essentially it is. Hmm I wonder when those other two will get back."

"I hope they don't look too long for me. I've done enough damage around here." Roxas shook his head, running a hand through his light locks.

"Am I sensing some stress?"

"I don't know… more great things have happened to me in two days then what has in a year. I think it's all too good to be true."

"I…" Riku looked hesitantly into Roxas eyes. "Let's hope I'm not one of them."

"One of what?"

"One of those 'great things.'"

"But…" Roxas glared questioning up at him. "Why?"

"Tomorrow me and Sora are leaving."

"What!?"

The door swung forth again, giving way to Cloud's touch. The man's stomach jolted at the sight of his twin blond. He heaved the heaviest sigh of his life and hurried over, kneeling down in front of him. "Thank god you're, okay. Where the heck did you go, Rox-"

He made a light noise when Roxas pressed his hand on his chest and pushed him out of his view.

"What do you mean, leaving?!"

"Hello, Cloud." Riku smiled.

"Hi…" he was at a bit of a loss what to say. He felt caught in the middle of their conversation and the reaction Roxas gave him made him feel all the more unwelcome.

He stood and edged out of the way, throwing some long locks of hair into his face.

"We've been travelling all over to visit everyone who has helped Sora."

"I-but-you… gaah. Hmm…Well…" Roxas recoiled with a pleased lift of his lips. "I suppose we'll have to make the most of that time together then."

Cloud gazed into the floorboards, sensing the happiness in the boy's voice. "I need to go."

"You only just got here." Riku said.

"I need to be searching for Sephiroth." Cloud replied hurriedly. _Bullshit. _His mind laughed miserably. "I'll be seeing you two." He left before Riku could say otherwise, or before Roxas could freaking agree.

He caught another boy on the winding stairs away from the town. "Walk with me." He watched a young brunette smile a smile that he'd just seen on another face a minute before.

"Alright." Sora nodded.


	6. Pain

"So what are you going to do?" Sora asked.

"Do? What can I do?"

Sora balled his hands onto his hips. "I'm going to go talk to him."

"Whoa! Hold on." He grabbed hold of the boy's shirt and tugged him back. "Not a good idea."

"I know he doesn't want to see me, but-"

"More like he doesn't want anything to do with you."

"Whatever it is, he'll listen to me. He has to! I'm half of him!"

Cloud grumbled, pressing his forehead into his fingers. "Don't say that in front of him, he'll kill you."

"You really do know him that well, huh?"

The blonde shrugged and smiled sadly. "Not as well as Riku does."

"Oh pish, Riku knows me, not him!" Sora grinned in assurance.

"Pish?"

"You know! Like: Oh pish posh!"

"You're attitude's going to get you killed one day, I hope you realize that." Cloud muttered.

"Look, do you want my help or not?"

"Not."

Sora shook his head of spikes and rolled his cerulean eyes. "I can _really _see what you were saying before now. Roxas _has _changed how you treat everyone. Big improvement."

"Shut up."

"Well at lest you're confident... Hey! Where are you going?"

Cloud looked back. They had both been heading back to the Bailey, but now he had turned for the other direction. "I might as well stick to what I said I was coming out here for."

"What's that, then?"

"Sephiroth hunt."

"Ah okay…how long will you be?"

"I'll be back before dark- no wait." He stared into the sky. "Damn, late afternoon already? What a waste of a day. I'll be back whenever. "

"Good luck then!" Sora waved.

The fifteen year old pulled his blue hood over his head and wriggled one of his two belts further up his waist and walked on, away from Cloud. After giving in to the urge to slide down the thick, handrail-like ledge instead of going down the stairs he preceded to the small base of the Hollow Bastion Restoration Committee and wondered if Roxas would be able to tolerate his presence.

--

Riku and he pulled a large round table out of the corner and into the middle of the room and placed seats around it. They went into the nearest unlocked house and through an open arch into a nice little kitchen full of white marble benches and dark wooden cupboards. Roxas pulled a large plastic bottle of orange bubbling soda out of a small fridge and Riku took two glasses off a high shelf.

--

Roxas looked warily into his glass of sugary fizz. "I've never had soda before."

"Why not?"

"I never came across it, and Xem-I mean the leader of-wait do you know about Organization XIII?"

Riku hoisted his feet up, crossing them on the table top and tilting back on his chair. "Isn't that where you headed after you and Sora got separated?"

"Yeah. Anyway the leader of that made sure we couldn't get any. He said sugar sends children off the wall."

"Ha, you're hardly a child."

Roxas set his drink down hard onto the wood in exclamation. "That's what I told him!"

"Fizzy drinks have sugar, sure, which can make your energy levels go up. But if it's a lot of sugar it will just make you tired again."

Roxas slid his arms onto the table, crossing them and placing his head into his folded arms. "Do you know _everything_?" he smiled.

"I try."

"Aheh." The blonde gave himself a metal shake. "So while I was kept off the sugar, I knew at lest two guys who are keeping alcohol in the place!"

Riku laughed.

--

"Hey, Leon!"

"Well it looks like you're okay now, Roxas." Squall said, closing the door behind himself and Yuffie.

"Ah, looks like you've found my little guilty pleasure." The small ninja said, eyeing the almost empty orange soda bottle. "We might as well break out the salsa now!" She dashed out the door with those words.

"Guilty pleasure? I doubt that Fanta is the worst thing she has in that house…" Leon shook his head and returned to the large computer, starting to click away at the large keyboard. "I'll join you two in a second; I just need to see if I can get this defense system going."

"So where did you say you were going next, Riku?"

"After this…uhmm we'll be in a castle for the night to visit the Beast and Belle and then a quick stop in China. But after that I'm not sure, we'll work it out."

"A castle? Wow!"

"Yeah I know, Sora has friends from all walks of life."

Roxas nodded, taking a small curl of his hair between his fingers and fiddling with it. _What is a castle like? Castle Oblivion was nothing like one, the destroyed Hollow Bastion one wasn't like one either. The Castles he heard about are made of big stones and colored glass windows with towers and balconies. Riku's so lucky, what I wouldn't give to go with him-oh shit I've been staring at him the whole time. _Though Riku was staring right back at him with his confident eyes shinning through his striking fringe that lined his face. "Aheeh…"

"For goodness sake!"

Their gazes broke and turned to Leon who was slamming his fist down onto the keys of the computer. "This is hopeless."

"Baaaaack." Yuffie chimed, edging through the door with two packets of corn chips and a jar of salsa in her arms. She put the chips on the table and popped open the lid of the jar, bringing it up to her nose to inhale its tomato sent. "Hmm!"

"I don't have a clue what I'm doing here." Leon muttered. "We need Cid doing this."

"Call him over! He can use one of his precious ships to fly over." Yuffie said. "He's been spending too much time in Traverse Town; it's about time he got his ass over here with us!"

The boy's started into the corn chips and salsa. "You know what this food is, right?" Riku asked.

"Yeah! Come on, I'm not THAT oblivious… and still I guess I am. There's so much I don't really know much about." He tried to keep his voice low incase the others might hear. "I've hardly been outside two worlds were as you've been all over! I'd do anything to see all those worlds-"

"Heh. Then we should take to Atlantica, I know this mermaid there who you strikingly remind me of."

Roxas would have responded with 'Yes please!' if Riku was the one saying it. Only, he wasn't. A blue figure had now come to their attention. He was the one who'd said it and he was standing in the doorway. And Roxas knew just who he was.

Sora, keeping up his royal blue hood, walked around to the table. He stopped at Riku to shake his head. "Why do you sit like that? To have some kind of image? You'll break you back one day." He shoved the back of the chair forwards, forcing Riku's feet off the table and onto the floor.

"Lay off, Sora. You're the one trying to be all mysterious here."

Sora took a seat between them, while Roxas remained stiff and nervous.

They all talked. Riku talked, Leon joined them and he talked, Yuffie did as well and talked. And while Roxas and Sora talked, never would they talk to each other. They might relate to what each other was saying for the sake of conversation, but not once did they direct words at each other.

Aerith came in late while they were dishing out the pizza that had been warmed in Yuffie's oven. By then Roxas was starting to feel comfortable with ignoring Sora's presence, even though his hood was now pulled off. He just had to concentrate on Riku and he could easily block him out, in fact he could have blocked out anyone this way. Sometimes he wasn't even trying, but when Riku would laugh it would capture all his attention. And only now it was starting to dawn on him why.

"Sora." Riku said.

"Hm?"

"You've been yawning you head off. Time to pack it in?"

"Uhg, yeah." Sora gave in easily.

"I told you that you shouldn't have stayed up so late last night, let's go then."

"Yes, _mother_."

"Ha yeah." Riku stood. "Don't make me count to three young man."

After dragging Sora up, they both waved goodnight and departed to one of the nearby houses in the dark.  
Five seconds afterwards, Roxas suddenly stood up. "Crap, wait!" and he bolted out of the room.

He caught up to them very quickly, the light from Yuffies kitchen lights revealed the street beneath his shoes. "Riku, wait please!" He tugged on the others arm.

"R-Roxas? Is everything alright?"  
Sora frowned, probably one that Roxas was not meant to see, but he did.

"I'll leave you two turtle doves in peace." The brunette said, leaving them a view of his back as he walked away.

"Sora!" Riku pleaded.

"Make it up to me later." He waved off.

Roxas looked from Riku to Sora. "What's that about?"

"Ah… nothing. What's up Roxas?"

"Am… am I going to see you tomorrow before you go?"

"Oh of coarse!" he assured. "But it is late and unless I get some sleep soon I wont be able to get up early enough to see you before I go."

"Oh okay." He felt his face flare. "Uhm, goodnight Riku."

"Sweet dreams." Riku said, sliding Roxas's hand off of his arm. "See you tomorrow." He smiled brightly.

"Yeah…" and that's all he could say as he watched Riku follow Sora's tracks away from him.

--

Roxas couldn't remember a time when he had sighed so much. He decided to go to bed as well and ambled into the house he'd slept in the pervious night. The roll-down stairs were already down for him to climb up. The light blub was flickering worse than before, turning off for long periods of time before lighting the room for a spilt second and shutting off again. With this short time of vision he had managed to get into the loft. He unzipped his jacket and flopped onto the mattress of his bed, enjoying the small bounce it gave before turning onto his side. "Oh, Cloud! You are here."

"Y-yeah I'm here."

"I didn't see you after you left before. I suppose you must be tired, you spent a long time outside." He said, flipping onto his back.

"I'm very tired yes, I feel like I'll be lost any minute now." There was some moan in his voice; Roxas could tell he was trying his hardest to stay awake.

"Hey, before you nod off can I ask you something?"

"Hmm uhm."

"Well…" the younger wasn't sure were to begin, it was one of the strangest things he'd have to ask someone, and wording it would be hard as it was a thought that had never crossed his mind before.

"Okay, humans' right? Males, being you and Leon and all, get into relationships with females. Men and woman get married and girls and guys fall in love. All that stuff. But I've been thinking that… maybe Nobodies are different, maybe we go the other way around or something. Though I'm really not sure… so uhm _can_ human males like other human males and females like females in that… sense?"

Roxas was expecting some kind of complicated answer that would have something to do with the way people worked and human's brains or something. The last thing he was expecting was a flat and simple. "Yes."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Aheh, well that just made my life a whole lot easier. So it's not weird or anything?"

"So-some people look down on it and can't really accept it, but it just depends on your morals."

Roxas looked over to Cloud's silhouette, a flicker of worry passed over him. "Why do people think it's bad?"

"They… I guess they just don't see how it's possible and don't really get it."

"Oh… Do you get it?"

There was an empty silence between them. It was long enough to let them both wonder what the other was thinking.

"Yeah, I think I get it." Cloud muttered.

"You know when Riku came here; I thought it was going to be the worst thing ever with Sora and all. And… I never imagined that when I first looked at him that it was an extreme feeling of like that I felt."

"So it is Riku…"

It went quiet again. Roxas gazed into the black ceiling thinking of that first look of Riku's face while he briefly heard Cloud turn over and moan drowsily.

"He's really pretty. I mean for a guy. It's kinda weird that he is pretty like a girl… but I like it." Roxas smiled suddenly.

"Roxas… I'm sorry."

"What for?" he asked, still contently focused on the ceiling somewhere above him.

"I've tried to give you your own life… but there's nothing I can do now. You've turned so much into Sora I hardly know who you are anymore…"

"What? What do you mean?" Roxas sat up, head cocked at Cloud's dark form.

"When I first meet you, you might have gotten rather enraged if someone told you that you were so alike to Sora, but it seems that you hardly m-mind now. If you have to be like Sora to have Riku then that's alright with you... but that's not right. And you… I think you've lost your sight. You're only seeing nor-normally now in the dark... I think."

"Eh? What are you talking about? It's fine! How the heck would you know what my eyesight's doing?!" Roxas frowned, finding it hard to keep his patience with Cloud, who didn't seem to be making any sense.

"You can't s-see…"

"What the? Are you drifting off over there, Cloud… Cloud?"

"Hmm?"

"What's the matter with you?" he asked bluntly.

"…"

"Cloud?!" Roxas grumbled. "You're not sleeping until you tell me what you're going on about!" he warned stubbornly. "…Light!" the cast his hand out to the direction where he thought his magic symbol was drawn in the window.

The space burst with full brightness, casting shadows behind the beds. "Well my light making power works fine thank y-"he halted, even his mouth stopped. His eyes had fallen on Cloud.  
With a cry of distress you ran to the others bedside.

"Cloud!"  
The man under his gaze was torn of his shirt, and his shoulder guard was shattered with a large hole and many cracks ran over it. His pants were ripped up the thigh to give way to a very large gash that couldn't be properly seen under all the blood that it was weeping. All over his body breaks, deep red abrasions and grazes tarnished his pale skin, spread especially over his chest. His rouge colored life was filtering from his mouth and dried, deep maroon down his chin. His usually neatly flared up hair was spilt into buzzed wisps of blonde blood. His lids lolled over his eyes and one arm hung over the side of the bed lifelessly.  
"NO! Who d-Sephiroth!" he cursed. "Talk to me, Cloud! Say something to me… CLOUD!"

"Mhh." His bottom lip twitched and eyebrows creased slightly. "Sleep…"

"No! Don't go to sleep! Anything but that. Stay awake! I-I'm going to go get help." Roxas looked around the room quickly, as if he might find some assistance in it, and when he realized that he wouldn't he then pelted across the floor. He jumped down out of the loft, onto the floor below, ignoring the ladder. He hopped a little in his run out of the house, ground shock buzzing in his feet. He saw more blood that he didn't notice before. It stained the floorboards and was smeared against the door handle.

He cleared the length of the street in 7 seconds and banged open the door of the Restoration Committee house Leon and Yuffie wore puzzled faces at the sight of the distressed Roxas. "Wh-"

"It's Cloud! He's all cut up and he's not talking, I think Sephiroth got to him." Roxas said quickly.

"What!?" Leon rose from his seat.

"Cloud's in trouble _again_?" the girl rolled her eyes.

"Come ON!" the blonde pleaded.

--

The three raced up the ladder, two potions clanged together lightly in Leon's jacket as he hurried up to Cloud's room.

"Wholly shit!" Yuffie stared over Cloud's beaten form. "Ow…."

The brunette was the one to take action, he eased open the other mans mouth and poured a large portion of potion in him. Cloud seemed to swallow some, but much of it still sat in his mouth. He coughed and spluttered some out, still remaining unresponsive otherwise. Leon poured the rest of the bottle onto the various wounds he was finding all over.

Roxas waited. "Nothing's happening."

"…What the hell, Leon?" Yuffie said.

"I-I don't know what's going on." Leon quickly took the second potion and emptied it into the man's mouth and cuts. "I've never seen this before."

"You think he's sick or something?" Yuffie asked when nothing happened again.

"Sick?!" Roxas said frantically.

"What's Sephiroth done to him? Cloud, can you hear me!?" Leon called to him, earning no response.

"Is he poisoned?" she wondered over his shoulder.

"No, it can't be… we need Merlin. He'll know what's wrong… Merlin! Get here, it's an emergency!"

After only a few seconds dense purple smoke curled from the floor in a loud pop. It disappeared quickly to reveal a thin old wizard in blue robes. Roxas thought he looked like a very stereotypical wizard, long white beard and a large, pointed hat, but if he could figure out what was wrong with Cloud then it didn't matter what he looked like.

"Goodness, what is it? It had better be something good or I, or I-Oh My!" Merlin jumped back when he saw Cloud. "What did you do to the boy!?" his eyes went wide.

"WE didn't do a thing! It's Sephiroth! And-and you have to help him!" Roxas cried.

Leon stepped in to explain. "Potions aren't having any effect, I've tried a Mega one too and it's done nothing."

"So this is why you've called me here? To find out what's wrong?"

"Excatly."

Merlin rolled up his sleeves, revealing his arms that were thick with veins. "Well there are many things it could be. But-ah-but I simply can't have all these people crowding in around him, we have a very sick patient here. Get out, go on!"

"Hey!" Roxas moaned. "No, I want to stay!"

"Oh no, no! This man is sick and I don't need people crowding around and catching whatever he has. But I will need someone to help me…"

Roxas perked up. "I will-"

"Leon can stay."

"Why not me?!"

Merlin sighed. "I think Leon would do what I'd say to help … no matter what it might do to Cloud at first."

The small blonde hugged himself and pressed his cheek into his shoulder out of fear. What would they possibly have to do? "What's gonna…" he could bear to finish his sentence.

Leon offered some comfort. "Go on Roxas, I'll watch out for him for you."

He looked to Yuffie as she spoke to him as well with a hand held out kindly to him. "Come on, one sick blonde guy is all we can handle right now."

"O..." he gulped harshly and squeezed his eyes shut to help hold back some tears at the horrific sight of Cloud. "Okay." He left with her, casting his eyes over his shoulder as he stepped down the ladders rungs.

"Hmm, skin color is normal aside from a little pale…" he heard the wizard mutter.

He muttered something of his own. "I'm sorry, Cloud… hold on."

They waited together, backs against a wall in the room below and bums on the floor. Yuffie got up once or twice on wonder around. The last thing Roxas really remembered was seeing was one of her numerous pairs of boots pacing up and down and up… and down… and up… and…

It was the last thing he remembered before being woken.

"Maybe we should let him sleep."

"I'm awake…" he murmured softly.

"Merlin could- oh… Merlin has summoned that couch into here if you want to get some proper sleep."

His eyes fluttered open and they started to twitch closed again as he spoke.

"Yeah okay." He lent on the wall to support him as he got up and shuffled over. Leon held his arm and guided him around the sofa. He took the unzipped sleeping bag that was at the foot of the sofa, laid down and threw it over him. He sighed contently, it was much better than the hard floor. _Maybe someone will hold me… that would be nice… as long as they were warm. _He thought. _It would be so nice to have Riku lie near me._

At was at this point that the bright light behind his lids was shut off and a door was attempted to be closed as quietly as possible.

_Ahhh, not that there's much chance of having Riku lie beside me. Cloud had made it clear enough that not many would find it-_

"Shit!" he snapped his fingers closed around the smooth sleeping bag. "Cloud!"

Darkness and silence surround him and he noticed, with a queasy stomach that his eyes couldn't see a damn thing past his own nose.

He lay there for a while, thinking about how much of a horrible night it has been.  
He noticed something strange once he had been staring right into the blackness a while; the room had seemed to get lighter when he didn't notice. He could now see the brightness of the streetlights breaking through the windows square panes. He could make out all the dark silhouettes of things all around him.  
Now this was weird… perhaps his eyes were returning to normal…

Then he decided that he wanted to see Cloud. Maybe they had made him healthy again? But if not he wasn't sure he'd be able to bear seeing Cloud like that again.  
But he had to know…

With his sight, still in limbo with darkness and light, he found the ladder and felt his way up it. He pulled himself up and saw his light drawing in the window was dying down. "Light… you silly thing."  
It flared up once again.

He walked slowly to the beds, leering his neck over the headboard of one of them. His throat made a kind of distressed gasp.  
A twisted mess of sheets was all that he saw on the bed. All covered in wet and soaked up and stained blood.

Roxas shuddered as he drew in breath. He walked almost timidly around to the side of the tarnished bed and fell into it.  
He was sprawled sideways over it and he tucked his dangling legs into himself. He found plenty of blood on the mattress too, which he just pressed his cheek into.  
Taking the blotched pillow from its place, he hugged it into his chest. The cold stains pressed into his chest, ruining his new cloths in an instant.

"Come home Cloud." His voice was high and shattered into a small cry. He clenched the pillow with all he was worth and when his breathing hitched, he realized he couldn't hold it in anymore.  
He closed his eyes, bringing tears out of them.  
He'd cried before, but this was the first time he'd ever heard himself cry, the first time he'd felt anything painful enough to force his body to feel the false emotions inside him.  
It was the most pathetic sound he had ever heard, and yet it was all that was left inside him. Cries and gasps, small squealing moans and his stomach ached all the while.

His tears were the only warmth he could find now, alone in this room.  
He felt so fragile, like he was floating around in absolute stillness. He didn't want to think what would happen to him if the stillness was disturbed.  
Roxas opened his usually clear as day eyes, which now seemed cold as death. He saw through the watery mess to his hand, which was now white from squeezing the pillow. He let go of it and lay his hand beside his face to look at the red smears upon it.

He imagined it to be Cloud's, twitching and blood smudged hand. He took his other hand, acknowledging it to be his, and laid it over the other one that he pretended to be Cloud's. He held the _Cloud's_ bloodied hand, then the _Cloud's_ bloodied hand held his, he laced fingers with himself before closing his eyes.

"Goodnight Cloud…" he whispered to his hands.

_**Goodnight Riku.**_ Sora spoke in his head.

It seemed nothing would let him be happy as he lied in another's blood. "Leave me alone." He sobbed. And it did, and still he wept until he could deny sleep any longer.

--/--/--/--/--/--/--/

Yeah, it's kinda intense, but ah well. Let's see how this chapter goes. Review if you please. I reply!


	7. My Own Advice

"Please wake up Roxas, you can't stay here like this."

"Hmgh…"

"Come on, please?"

"Aerith? A'right then." Roxas rolled back his shoulders and yawned. He opened his eyes to a miserable sight of him in what looked more like his grave then a bed.  
Ah…oh…" he looked up to the woman dressed in pink, what could she possibly think of him?

"You poor boy." She smiled somberly. "It looks like you're having a hard time like Cloud."

"How-how is he? Do you know?"

"I found out everything this morning, Merlin told me. He said that Cloud's all bandaged up now in a health care center. There are none in Hallow Bastion, so they've taken him to our old home called Traverse town. But he has a… hm..."

"A what?"

"Merlin says it's a disease that's stopping potions from working."

"Oh." Roxas gulped. "How?"

"When a potion touches the wounds, the disease will just take it away and consume it for itself , making it stronger." Aerith said simply.

"Can it be fixed?"

"Oh yes. Me and Merlin both think we know what will. It's called Holy water. Merlin usually had plenty, but they've been stolen." She sighed distantly.

"By Sephiroth?!"

"No, by some fairies."

He moaned. "This place is crazy. Fairies and potions and diseases…"

"We'll heal Cloud. Our friend, Cid in Traverse Town can find Holy water through the markets. He'll come here later on today on his ship and he'll bring Cloud back with him." She smiled.

"Okay." He tried in vein to smile back.

"...You think you might want a shower?"

"Yeah." He really wanted to stay here for a while longer and drown himself in his thoughts again, but he didn't object, he didn't have the will power to right now.

"Come on then."

She showed him out of the house and onto the opposite side of the street. The building he was taken to wasn't much different from all the rest around the town, but it had rows of flowers in the windowsill. "My house." She said, looking pleased at the sight of it. "If you go in, it's the first door to your left. Towels are under the sink."

"O-okay."

He thought a nice long shower would have made him feel better.  
It had just made him sick at first when the blood, still stiff in his hair began to wash out, turning the water red as if fell over him. But by the time he left the shower he was feeling warm and light, soothed, pleased and rosey.

When he stepped outside, the late morning air clung to his cheeks and chilled his damp hairline. He shivered uncomfortably. Back to square one. The thin, fleecy jersey Aerith had left out for him offered some warmth, though the singlet top underneath didn't. Yet he had to admit, he had liked how a low neck, sleeveless shirt had looked on him.

He came to the door of the Committee house. Locked. He knocked his knuckles against it, but no one was inside to answer.  
He sat on the small step by the house entrance. He held his face in one hand, smothering his cheek into his palm while he thought. It was hard to drive his mind from thinking of the one person that pained him so much. After the bond he thought they'd had, Cloud walked out with next to no words to him and then hide in the dark, almost knowing Roxas couldn't see him.

_Was he trying to make me feel guilty? Somehow he knew I wouldn't be able to see him… and he wasn't going to even let me help? Not even a friend?_

"Well you weren't acting all that friendly_**."**_

_Oh my god, Sora, get out of my head!_

"Okay then, turn around and I wont be in your head_**."**_

_What?_ Roxas turned to see Sora standing behind him. Sora had never been talking to him in his head, just reading his thoughts. Great, now he could mind read? "That's invading my privacy I hope you know." He scowled.

"Well you can do it to me if you want, it's all fair."

Roxas switched to his next compliant. "And what the hell did you mean that I wasn't acting friendly?"

Sora shook his head. "You kinda ignored him! Riku wasn't the only person in the room ya know!"

Sora knew about his attachment to Riku? He must of been reading his thoughts before. "You bastard…" he stood up and tried to leer over him, but of course he just came to Sora's exact height. "Why did you mind read without telling me!?"

"If you're on about your little crush on Riku, anyone can of see that from a mile away. Plus… Cloud told me."

Roxas froze for a second. "He… what?"

Sora sighed. "We talked for a while… before he went after Sephiroth." Sora bit his lip and looked away, suddenly distressed. "Damn I shouldn't of let him go!" his fists clenched. "I could have stopped this from happening…"

"You know about what happened?"

"Yeah…No one else seems to be that concerned about him and…" Sora trailed off.

"They say he'll be alright…" Roxas filled in.

"But what if…"

"He won't be...?"

"Then it will be all…"

Roxas blinked, looking into his palms. "…my fault?" He closed his eyes. "What did Cloud say to you?"

"He told me how he felt and what you did-"

"No!" he defended. "I didn't do anything-"

"Exactly. But what you did do was everything to do with Riku." Sora frowned. "How do you not see that?"

"But-I… Cloud didn't say anything to me. So why don't you tell me how he was feeling?"

"He asked me not to tell you, and he's right. If you want to know, you can ask him yourself later."

Roxas fell into a sit again. "So I made him feel bad?"

"You hurt him… but it's easy it fix."

"Hurt?" Roxas asked, puzzled.

"Emotionally." Sora said, sitting beside him.

"Hurting someone emotionally… I never knew you could do that… a Nobody wouldn't know though. Emotions aren't what I do best…"

"Well I'm sure Cloud can show you all about them. Ya'know he's never the most joyful of people, but for a while there, you really made him happy." Sora smiled at him encouragingly.

"Think he'll forgive me?" Roxas asked.

"Oh yeah. I know he will." Sora looked past him, down the street for a few seconds. "Well, uhm we need to go."

"Wha-?" Roxas looked behind, seeing Riku walking towards them, carrying two decent sized bags, one over each shoulder.

"Making me do all the tough work again Sora?" he called up the street.

"I'm sure you and your bulging muscles can manage." The brunette smirked happily.

"You said goodbye to everyone?" Riku dropped the bags down by them.

"Where IS everyone?" Roxas asked them.

"In their houses, though Yuffie was still asleep." Sora began to mutter. "Wish I could sleep in so late…"

"Not if you want to make it to the Castle in time you don't." Riku laughed, shoving him sideways.

"Yeah sure, you're right, as usual." Sora pushed Riku back.  
Roxas rolled his eyes and stood up by them.

"Well." Sora held out a hand to him.  
Roxas looked at it hesitantly.

"What's wrong?"

"What if I go back inside you? If I touch you we could…"

Sora shrugged. "I reckon it will be fine. If we were supposed to go back, it would have happened by now. Don't you think?"

Roxas smiled partly grasped his hand and they shook. "Cloud once told me I couldn't go on pretending you didn't exist. I kinda knew it was true but… I never thought I'd be shaking your hand."

"And after calling me a bastard too, miracles do happen."

He laughed a little. "Sorry about that, I just got-"

"-A little emotional?"

"You're the most emotional Nobody I've ever met." Riku teased.

"Hmm, thanks?"

"Ha, see you Roxas." The aqua eyed boy nodded.

"Yeah." He resisted the urge to hug him. It felt like he'd just swallowed down his happiness, but if he went with Riku, he knew Cloud really would never forgive him. He couldn't do that.

They walked off down the street to wherever their ship was and Roxas watched them go, ignoring the tremors in his legs. "We'll see you on the return journey!" Sora waved.

He grinned. That's why there was such a quick goodbye, because he'd see them again. "Since when did you decide on coming back!?" he yelled after him.

"Since now!"

Sora was rather spontaneous...  
As he watched them walk off as memories flashed through his mind. None of them were his though. It flickered between reaching out for Riku while he was being surrounded with darkness or by waves or him getting shut behind a shining door.  
All the images reminded him of something, which he suddenly thought he should ask about.

"Hey!" he ran after them, catching up very quickly. "I need to ask you guys something. Uhmm, has anyone got a pen?" Riku and Sora looked at each other strangely before answering.

"No…" they both said.

Roxas looked around and then ran to a nearby house. He brought his face up close to a window and breathed heavily onto it. "Over here." He beckoned. His breath had left a layer of heated mist on the glass. He quickly drew a shape into it; a star with rounded tips with a small leaf growing from it. "What is that?" he asked, pointing to his scribble.

"That?" Sora laughed.

"It's a paopu fruit." The eldest answered.

"If you share it between two people, their destines get intertwined together." Sora said, crossing his fingers.

"That's how the story goes. But how do you know what it looks like, but you don't know what it is?" Riku asked with a look of scrutiny.

The blonde shrugged. "My mind sees it sometimes. I wanted to know what it was."

"Well that's what it is." Sora said.

"And that's what it does." Riku finished.

"And now we need to go." But before leaving Sora brought them all into a large hug.

"_**That's the closest I'm going to let you go to hugging Riku. Be grateful, Roxas." **_He heard the words echo in his head.

Roxas almost laughed. _**"You intrusive little mind reader." **_He replied, poking Sora in the back while they hugged.__

With a final bid goodbye they disappeared down the path. He didn't know when he would see them next, but he knew it would be soon.

A while later, Roxas started wondering exactly where their ship was and what it looked like. He knew he could have dung into his memories to find out, but he found he was too tired.  
He took his time to amble down the streets all alone until he found that same square that he'd meet Cloud in. He kept his eyes fixed on the spot that his unconscious body was picked up from.

"I owe him a lot." He chuckled to himself. He followed some stairs that led up to a nice altar that sat above the market square.  
He looked down. He could've easily jumped onto the roofs of the shops from here.  
He walked into a corner and nestled down in it. It wasn't very comfortable but he liked the feeling of being enclosed, pressed in on himself till he could feel his own body heat.

His head lolled to the side and connected with the side of the concrete altar. "Ahuhm…" he rolled his eyes, realizing he had been falling asleep. So he hugged himself tighter and let sleep claim him.


	8. My Own Friend

It must have been the searing late afternoon sun that woke him.

He thought people must have been wondering where he was. The sharp frost of the morning had been blown away when the sun had fully broken into the sky.  
He found himself testing the door for the Committee house again. Yuffie answered with her usual enthusiasm. "Hey! Here you are Roxas. Did you go for a walk?"

"Uhm, yeah pretty much." He said. "Hey is Cloud about? Or is he still…?"

"Oh, nah he's here. He keeps telling me I should get back to work and help Leon…" she grumbled. "Five minutes back and he's already being all sour. I wouldn't go in there!" she warned as Roxas ducked past her. "I think he wants to be alone. Or not listen to me, okay."

"Sorry Yuffie, need to talk you know." He shrugged. "You going to help Leon?"

"Yeah the towns still in a state and Squall keeps complaining that I take to many breaks." She waved off and ran down the street, jumping up on some windowsills and flipping onto rooftops for an alternate route.

The man was slumped over the table, his fingers curled around the neck of a half full glass of wine. He wore his usual black pants and zip-up shirt, while his shoulder pauldron, sheath and cloth around his arm and waist had gone.

"Cloud."

He looked up to Roxas, his stunning blue eyes peering through breaks in his hair.  
When he didn't say anything, Roxas came around to sit opposite him at the table. "I'm glad-so glad that you're okay."

"Sorry for the scare."

Roxas's stomach tightened. He never realized he had missed hearing that calm voice the belonged to Cloud.

"Thanks for helping me out back there." Cloud spoke again. "You pretty much saved me." He took a long sip from his glass.

Roxas nodded.

Cloud set the glass down and easily caught Roxas shooting uneasy looks at it. "I haven't had much and it's pretty weak stuff as well. Don't worry."

"'kay."

Cloud watched him for a while, just keeping a trained eye fixed over him. It forced Roxas's own gaze away. Cloud sighed and rubbed his temples. "It's almost painful to watch you like this… what's happened to us, Roxas?"

"To little…" he bit his lip hard. "I'm sorry!" he cried, squeezing closed his eyes. "I love Riku but you had always been there for me from the instant I came here and I just… stopped being your friend and turned you into some vent for my feelings." He slid his head onto the table and started to laugh cynically at the word 'feelings.'

"You're not mine. You can't think that you need to be with me all the time."

"I don't belong to Riku ether." He spoke into the wood table. "I've been through a lot for him but that was a long time ago and I'm Roxas now, not Sora."

He heard Cloud's chair scrape along the floor and footsteps over to him. Then the familiar hand on his shoulder. He reached back to hold it with his own hand. "Did I hurt you?"

"Hmm, no. Sephiroth hurt me."

Roxas looked up to see the quickest of smiles disappear. "You talked to Sora didn't you?" Cloud asked, looking down to the boy.

"Yeah…" he admitted.

"I probably shouldn't have complained to him." Cloud considered. "I knew he'd try to get involved."

"Why did you?"

"I wanted to talk to you, so I ended up talking to Sora. Though I'd rather you wouldn't have found out through him."

Roxas started back at him. "If I didn't find out then, I might have gotten on the ship and gone with them."

"Hmph. I made you chose didn't I? Between me and him." Cloud reached back around the table to pull his chair close to Roxas and sat down by him.

"I guess you did, but I'm glad you did. Now I know who my true friends are. Not the one's Sora knows, but The ones I've earned myself." He smiled shyly. "Listen to me, I sound like a story book."

"It sounds like your thinking like Roxas again." Cloud half laughed.

"Hey!" he punched him lightly in the shoulder. Cloud responded by ruffling his hair and shoving his head to one side. "Gah! Lay off!" he said, kicking the others knee.  
"Your hair is in a mess anyway." Cloud defended.

"I just slept on it okay?"

"God, how late do you get up?"

"I feel asleep in the sun…"

"What were you doing taking a nap?"

"…Waiting for you." Roxas rolled his eyes away, embarrassment warming his cheeks. Cloud on the other hand, didn't see the big deal.

"Thanks."

"Cloud, please don't do that again. Never… What if you don't make it next time?"

Now Roxas was hurting. This experience hadn't been easy on ether of them. There was a pain in those young eyes, identical to his. A worry and a fear. No doubt he was remembering the sight of his half dead body. He was sorry Roxas had to see that. He sometimes forgot how young the boy was.

Cloud wrapped an arm around the boy's shoulders and pressed hand on the side of his face. He stroked his cheek for a while, and then pulled his head against his chest. "I'm done looking for Sephiroth, he'll just have to come to me now."

"It's good to have you back." Roxas smiled. He fiddled with his hands in his lap, wondering whether he should bring them around Cloud.  
But the man pulled his shoulders back. "You'll miss him though wont you?"

"Riku? Yeah… he's the best friend we've ever had, me and Sora… I couldn't keep away. Hah, it wouldn't of worked out anyway." He said, trying to brush it off.

"You never know." Cloud shrugged. "What now though? Are we still looking for that computer of yours?"

"Wha-oh!" Roxas laughed. His mind hadn't swayed to the computer in so long now. The soul reason he was here had been replaced so easily in his list of priorities. And when he stared up into Cloud's eyes, he began to see that it was no wonder that had happened.

"I'll go out with you and help you look okay? First thing…tomorrow. Today I think we both want to take it easy." Cloud said, tightening a hand on his shoulder.

"Oh yes. That sounds great." Roxas agreed.

The next hour was spent laying around in the sun outside talking about things like important people in their lives, what music they've heard and things that really annoy them.


	9. Hallways to My Purpose

"This place needs a river."

"River?"

"Or a lake… or the ocean." Roxas sighed, pulling back hair from his sweaty brow.

"Are you that thirsty?" Cloud sat up on his elbows to get a better look at the boy.

"I just want to go swim! This place in one big enclosed town sitting on dry ground."

"I'm sure the old canyon would have been full of water once. Now it's just filled with Heartless." Cloud frowned at the thought. "Pesky things. They get troublesome for Leon and Yuffie sometimes."

"Really? I've never seen any down there."

"They're all crowded at the base of the castle. Something is drawing them there but we're in no position to find out what it is."

"Hey, what about the Nobodies?" Roxas remembered while pulling off his jacket. "Last time I saw them was when you saved me."

"More like _you_ saved _me_ from them. But since then they… must have moved on."

"They've probably been called off. Maybe the Organization's given up on me?" he said hopefully.

"Maybe…" Cloud considered as he looked at Roxas's lean, too pale arms more than his face. "They're probably just as tired as we are."

"Yeah." Roxas stared off distantly. "I could use some action though. I don't want to get too lazy."

"Around this town? Not likely, it's never peaceful for long here."

"Oi!" A gruff voice called. "What the hell do you think you're doing up there on the roof, Cloud?!"

"I'm resting and recovering, Cid." Cloud smiled for a second then turned to Roxas. "Don't worry, it's only Cid. He's harmless… Unless you touch his airship."

Roxas crawled to the edge of the shop roof and peeked down into the square below.  
"Whoa." The man below cocked his head. "Cloud you never told you had a brother." He laughed, shielding his eyes from the suns glare with one hand.

The boy gripped the roofs edge and swung his body off it. He landed cleanly below, right beside Cid. "Light on your feet eh? You _are_ like Cloud. What's your name, kid?"

"Roxas."

Cid rubbed at his blonde stubble. "Roxas eh? Good name. Not too common but not too strange." He clapped a hand against his back. "I'm Cid."

"Good to meet you, thanks for helping out Cloud." He smiled shyly.

"Hey, no trouble! We've already on good friend terms." His voice broke to a shout. "Aren't we Cloud?!" before he got a reply he went on. "But he must mean something to you too eh?"

Roxas cast a look back to the rooftop were Cloud was looking down at him, his head held lazily in one hand. The sight put another smile to his lips. "Yeah he kind of does. Don't tell him though, or it will all go to his head."

"I've had enough of you two whispering about me down there." Cloud announced, leaping down with equal grace and planting an extinctive hand to Roxas shoulder. "Cid, have you had a chance to tinker with the computer? Leon needs that defense system running, everyone's job here is hard enough as it is."

Cid snorted. "While you're lying around in the sun? Maybe if you pulled half your weight their jobs wouldn't be so hard." He gave both of them a hard look, which very quickly turned back into a grin. "Come on then, you show me this computer." He said, turning around and gesturing for them to follow.

In the Committee house Cid tapped away madly.

"A bit of an ancient old thing isn't it?" he had said upon arrival, but now he was right into the data systems of the decrepit technology. After a few minutes of furious tapping he grinned with satisfaction. "Candy from a baby." He pressed the large 'enter' key and leaned back in his chair.

A digitized cylinder of light shot up from the ground in front of the blondes. Roxas gazed for a moment. "This place IS crazy." He laughed.

"It's a Claymore, and it's gonna help us get on top of the heartless around here." Cid said, cocking his head back.

"Really?" Cloud pulled a face.

"Yeah, Cid." Roxas edged towards it, pushing a probing finger forwards. "What can some pillar of light do-" the boy yelped as he was suddenly thrust backwards by an incredible force that had shot through his body. The instant he touched the strange light he was blow back into the far wall.

"Ah, Roxas!" Cloud skidded around to see Roxas's winded body sliding onto the floor. The boy gasped uncomfortably and shot an impressed look at Cid. "Whoa… that's kickass."  
Cloud smirked into his hand, holding back a small laugh.

"I damn well told ya." Cid said, pressing another key, causing the light cylinder to disappear. "Those heartless are in for it now." He drew his eyes back to the screen and his fingers went back to the keyboard.

"What are you doing now?" Cloud asked him while pulling Roxas up by the hand.

"Getting the defense program all over town. Now THIS might take a while. So why don't you two go make yer'selves useful and do some work instead of lazing around."  
Roxas opened his mouth but Cloud tugged him back suddenly by his hood before anything came out. "Come on, he's right, we should go."

"You shouldn't argue against Cid, not unless you want to hear some words that you never knew existed." Cloud warned him as they got outside into the blaring sunlight.  
"I wasn't going to complain." Roxas replied.

"Really?"

"Yeah. I was going to ask how we could help."

Cloud smiled a little. "Let's go see how we can help then, shall we?"

Cloud lead him to the small building where he first meet Leon and Aerith. Large windows overlooked the valleys of blue stone. A decrepit castle stood, rotting away in the distance. "So where are the others? Are we going to help them out?"

"Yeah. There at Ansem's lab, stilling digging it out."

Roxas's mind completely halted for a second. His enthusiasm for Ansem's all-knowing computer that had slowly been dyeing out was suddenly ignited again. "So that's were we're going?"

"Yeah."  
Cloud tensed up when Roxas grabbed both his hands within his. "Ah-"

"Come on!" Roxas stared with his excited, bright eyes then tugged at his hands

Cloud rolled his eyes away from Roxas's. "Yeah okay, let's go." He slipped his fingers from the boys grip and walked on.  
_'Hm, too close for comfort…_ _he must be pretty excited to get to that computer.'_

Roxas's sudden glee fell as soon as it came. He ran to catch up with him. "Wha-" he started, but chose not to say anything more when he saw the troubled, yet thoughtful look Cloud held in his face.

'_Did I do something wrong?' _Roxas wondered_. '__he_ _Hah, he looks unsettled… _did _**I**__ make him so uncomfortable?' _He looked into his hands before resisting the urge to smile. _'I wonder what's going through his head… too bad I can't read his thoughts…'_

Cloud led him through a small valley and onto a metal platform with a towering structure looming over one side of it, and more canyons of blue down a long drop on the other side. They walked on past, down a ramp that ran off the platform and into an indoor corridor littered with rocks and ruble. Dust coated the floor and cracks lined the celing.

By now Roxas had been going over Cloud in his mind.  
He had now come to the conclusion that he himself had needed unsettled him. It made a lot of sense to him. Since Roxas had told him about his taste in males it must have made Cloud quite nervous about being around him. He was probably worried Roxas liked him a bit too much.  
It was true that Roxas did enjoy everything about Cloud, even beyond how much he had ever liked in any other boy or man.  
Cloud made him feel safe and cared for, like the mother he could never remember having. Always there for him before anyone else.

But it was nothing physical, there was nothing about Cloud's looks that dizzied up his head like Riku's flawless looks did.  
Cloud had the blonde bunch of locks just like his and identical glossy blue eyes. Maybe it was because Cloud looked so similar to himself that he couldn't find attraction within him.

He turned to Cloud to tell him that he had nothing to worry about. To assure him that they were the most platonic of friends. But his mouth was stilled.

He willed himself to see appeal in Cloud for a moment, just to see if he could. He wondered if there was anything more in Cloud for him, because it made sense that there should be.  
The care, the compassion and all the understanding between them was there. He'd cried for him and longed for their hands to be intertwined last night, and he would've given up anything he had just to know he that was okay that night.

So maybe… just maybe this was love. It was probably there all along without Roxas noticing.  
Appeal was one thing, but if this was love, it was something even more wonderful.  
_'Whoa! Slow down. I've jumped from a little hunch to love. I'm getting ahead of myself here.'_

He shook his head and focused on Cloud again. The man was still so like him, though all of his features were matured. From his lips and their natural downward curl, flat chin and jaw line that curved so smoothly into his neck. Though his Adams apple was still small in his throat. His eyes were always a little narrowed by his lids; he never held them fully open. And shyness was constantly portrayed in those almost glowing blue eyes and light eyebrows.

Roxas was marveled over how much he could tell about Cloud in his face and neutral expression, though out of everything, the pierced ear was something he could never of picture Cloud doing.  
And really, he didn't look half bad. His feminine yet handsome face was desirable and his lean muscled arms were like a teasing gesture as to what could possibly be underneath the rest of his shirt.

'_Hmmm, I've seen his face often before but not really like this. Maybe I was so used to it that I never really took a proper lo-'_

Smack.

"Whoa, you okay?" Cloud caught him in one arm as he fell back from the wall he'd just walked straight into.

"Uhm, yeah." He nodded, rubbing at the dull throb in his nose. _'Oh my god, I walked into a bloody wall…loser.' _He laughed embarrassedly, trying to shake it off. He pulled out of Cloud's arm.

"What's wrong today, Roxas? You keep throwing yourself at walls." Cloud shook his head apologetically.

"Sorry…" he shrugged.

"Well let's try to turn around the corner next time…Hm." Cloud looked around him. "Come on, I think we're nearly there."

"Okay, thanks."

Roxas flinched as a hand swept over his hair, pushing all the locks the wrong way. "Hey." He swatted Cloud hand away and then pulled him a teasing glare.

"Hah." The man walked on again.

As they went deeper, several corridors all around were blocked off by piles of rock and twisted metal. Then they stopped at a massive pile of debris that was lodged from floor to ceiling in the hallway. Yuffie was chipping away at the tower of rocks stone by stone while Aerith was sitting on a large slab of rock talking to her.

"Hey." Cloud said to the girls.

"Hello." Aerith smiled. "How are you doing Roxas?"

"Good." he said. "Good to have Cloud back."

Roxas could almost feel the hand land on his shoulder before it was there. He smiled up to Cloud, as if trying to say 'What do you think? Do you think we love each other?'  
He got a faint smile back, Roxas wished that was some kind of answer, but he knew it wasn't.

"Are you two here to help out?" Yuffie asked. "Because that would be great."

"Yeah, that's why we're here." Cloud nodded.

"It's such slow, dull work." The small ninja complained.

"Really?" Roxas said. "Can't you just blast right through it?"

"Naw, Squall says we can't." Yuffie huffed.

"Why not?"

"He says it will probably cave in all together."

"But…" Roxas looked up and down the large obstacle. "Isn't that what you want to happen?"

"I suppose…"

"It's just a little dangerous." Aerith said.

"Let's try!" he said eagerly.

"I dunno." Yuffie shuffled her feet. "Squall's not here, and if we mess it up he'll blame me."

"Don't worry." Roxas threw out his arms and a shinning keyblade burst into each hand. One dark and glossy, the other bright and full of sheen.

"Roxas." The hairs on the back of his head jumped on end as Cloud called his name. "Aerith is very right. This is dangerous." Roxas rolled his eyes. "So I just want to be sure your going to be careful."

The young blonde grinned. "Yeah, I promise." He winked cheekily back at Cloud. The man shook his head in disapproval. But he also saw the reluctant smile cross his lips.

He turned to the wall of tightly packed rocks. He took a breath and then lunged forwards, slicing past the rock and flying through the other side. A rumble echoed around and stones fell all around, tumbling over the ground. Some flew at Roxas, but he was fast and ducked around or kicked away every last one.

"Roxas!" he heard Yuffie shout in distress from the other side.

"Don't worry." Cloud assured her. "He's alright."

"How can you have confidence in him? He's just a kid!"

The 'kid' turned and burst through again to the other side in one easy leap just as before, causing more rocks to fall away from the pile. They littered the ground, but a decent gap had grown between the stone pile and the roof.

"Told ya I'm alright." Roxas said for Cloud. He was glad for the confidence Cloud had had in him.

"We can get through up there now." Aerith said and pointed to the sizable gap.

The four of them clambered over the large pile of rocks. Cloud helped Aerith up and Roxas helped her on the way down. They turned the corner into a large open room with a few hallways off of it. "Where do we go from here?" Yuffie said. "Left, right or forwards?"

"Wherever we're going, we are not breaking through like we just did before." Cloud said. "Leon's right and I don't want any of you guys getting hurt."

"Oh, come on." The youngest said. "I just did it easily, what's the problem?"

"No, Roxas." Cloud stared him down sternly.

Roxas's voice wavered. "Oh, uhm…okay." He wanted to question why, but something that the man held in his face kept him from doing so. He would ask him later…

The rest of the time spent down there was dedicated to slowly pulling rocks and strange bits of debris out of their path where ever they went. Roxas kept thinking about Cloud and why he suddenly lost confidence in him.  
Cloud knew he could do it. And they did want to find that computer. Or maybe… Cloud didn't actually want to help him find the computer. Perhaps he didn't want him to find it. If Roxas found the computer there would be no reason to stay here and he'd probably go travel somewhere else or maybe the computer would give him some leads to chase up.

Did Cloud want Roxas to stay here? Was he afraid that when they found the computer he'd leave?

"Hmm…." Roxas mused to himself, watching Cloud kick away chunks of shattered stone.

Leon caught up with them later, announcing that it was getting dark outside and that something along the lines of dinner sound probably be arranged.  
"I know we never eat dinner together so I though it would be nice if we did for a change." He said.

"Sound's nice." Aerith agreed.

"Pizza!" Yuffie grinned and skidded down the hall.

"Pizza sounds good…" Roxas smiled.

"No. Not again." Leon called after her. "And no more rice balls either."

"Oh, me and Merlin could whip up something great!" Aerith clapped excitedly.

"I don't want that wizard in the kitchen, with his magic who knows what could happen."

Roxas caught the man's attention. "Hey Leon."

"Hm, what is it Roxas?"

"Come on this isn't a boot camp." He laughed a little. With Leon acting like this, it was starting to feel like he was in the organization all over again.

Cloud followed up as Roxas traced Yuffie's steps down the hallway.  
"I don't want to lose control over them." Leon shared with the blonde man.

"You won't. They respect you, so just go easy on them."

"Hm." Leon watched Cloud join Roxas and hold a hand to the boys shoulder. _It's nice to see Cloud being so warm to Roxas._ Leon thought to himself. _ I never thought Cloud would have a soft spot like this. But…  
_He raised an eyebrow as Roxas lent into Cloud. _I wonder just how much they can cling together. _He smiled lightly to himself, and then followed.


	10. Clearing the Way to My Purpose

They sat around a large table of soup and bread, meat and potatoes along with vegetables and plenty of seasoning. They conversed and feed their stomachs and quenched their thirsts.  
Leon sat back and admired the scene. _'Would you look at this, we could pass as a family… one very strange family_…

Once the long meal was over the group broke off. Aerith and Yuffie left the room talking, while Cid retreated back to computer in the corner.

Roxas tugged at Cloud's arm. "What's the time?"

"Late."

"We going to go then?" he asked.

"Ah-" Cloud met Leon's eyes. "You wanted to talk to me about something?"

"Yes." The other man answered.

"I'll have to see you back at the house." He fished around in his pocket for a second then pulled out the key for the house they stayed in. He pressed it into Roxas's palm and closed his fingers around it, then pulled the boy towards him.  
"Stay awake for me okay? And don't get changed yet." He whispered softly to Roxas's ear. "You'll see why later."

Roxas could feel his cheeks glow, but before his mind could start to comprehend what Cloud might be suggesting he found himself wincing away. Alcohol was steaming in his breath, and as faint as it might have been, it still stung his eyes.

"Lay off the drink, would you Cloud?"

"I'll make sure he stays respectable." Leon said, tracing a finger around the rim of his own glass. "Besides Cloud can hold his own."

Cloud lent back in his chair. "Sorry Roxas."

He shrugged. "Ah, no problem I guess." He got out of his chair and opened the door.

"Wont be a second." Cloud assured him.

"Alright." He said, shutting the heavy door behind him.

"I was right!" Roxas proclaimed to himself.  
He skidded onto his bed and rested his hands behind his head. The sheets of the bed next to him bed been changed.

"Cloud is crazy about me! He DOESN'T want me to find that computer because he doesn't want me to go -BECAUSE he's totally in love with me!" Roxas tugged his hair. "It's not only me, he feels it all too! Wait… No, no. Calm down… you're doing it again…"

'_**Yeah Roxas, calm down.'**_

"Oh shut up, Sora."

'_**Oh gimme a break Rox, I just want to help.'**_

"Well you can't."

'_**Come on.'**_

"It's my own business. None of yours."

'_**Fine… just let me know how it goes.'**_

"No."

'…_**Jerk.'**_

No, he was jumping to conclusions again.  
He thought back to Cloud's words and a looming possibility came to mind. 'Stay awake… **for me**.' Did that mean that he was going to come up here and…use him? No, no, no, no EW. Cloud couldn't possibly have meant anything, there was absolutely no way. Cloud would never do anything like that to him, never.

He hugged his arms around his body, feeling slightly sick. Somehow he couldn't bare the thought of Cloud taking advantage of him. If Cloud were to do something like that to him, then he definitely didn't really care for him.  
So was that it? Couldn't he bare to not have Cloud caring for him? After all this suspecting and wondering and admiring, he suddenly realized it would come as a hard blow to find out that there was actually nothing.

He closed his eyes.  
The sudden image of a drunken Cloud, storming up into the loft filled his mind. Cloud began to beat him and shove him around and he would smack him across the face whenever he tried to escape. And then Cloud forced him down to the bed and began to pull at his clothing. "NO!"

"NO!" Roxas screamed, throwing out his arm to push the imaginary Cloud away. Light blared into his eyes and he fell onto the floor.  
Roxas whined and opened his eyes. He had received a hard knock to the head when he'd fallen off the bed. He inched his face up, gasping at the keyblade that was lodged into the wall beside him. He must have summoned it when he lashed out at the imaginary Cloud.

He trembled, beginning to panic. In only a few seconds of imagining he had managed to send himself into a state of shock. He scrambled up off the floor and gripped the keyblade. He tugged hard and heaved, but it remained firmly in the wall. He couldn't stop shaking and he felt weak. His twitching hands couldn't find the strength to pull it out.  
"For the love of… ah god." He crumpled to the floor, lip quivering. "What am I going to do… I've FUCKED up the wall!"

A door closed downstairs. His head shot up…Cloud was back.  
He raced across the loft and flipped open the trap door then kicked down the ladder of stairs. He gripped the railing of the stairs and slid down, landing with a thud onto the wood floor. "Cloud!"

"Oh, Roxas." The boy flinched as the man looked over him with his shallow eyes. "You seem eager to see me." He laughed a little.

Roxas felt himself turn cold. "Ughmm." His mind ceased to work as he fumbled with his words. "W-what did-uh what did Leon want?" he asked, trying to act natural.

"Oh, he found out about the little incident where I let you break further into Ansem's lab. So he gave me a bit of a lecture… nothing I couldn't handle though." Cloud looked to the other blonde, expecting Roxas to blurt out some kind of unnecessary apology as he always did. He frowned when none came. "Roxas? You okay?" He stepped forwards.

Roxas stepped back a little. "Yeah, uhm-" he forced his fears out in once sentence. "Why did you want me to stay awake up here?"

The man smiled a little. "We're going to finally get to that computer of yours."

"Ah-what?"

"Leon's just gone to bed, so we should be able to get there and back in secret." Cloud said, walking up to take a hand to Roxas's shoulder.

"You're going to help me find it?" he asked, pulse slowing.

"Of course." He frowned. "Why wouldn't I want to help you?"

_See? You where being stupid. He just wants to help you… he's so good to me. How could you've even thought that before?_ Roxas sighed. "Cloud…" he bit his lip "Thanks. Let's go then?"

"Yeah."

He led Roxas out with a protective arm around his shoulders. As they walked down the streets of the tired town, lights went out everywhere, one by one blinking out. Pretty soon they were walking in the dark, down the stairs that winded down into the bailey.  
Roxas's mind drifted far beyond the path that they were walking. _What would he say if he knew what I was thinking? Maybe he would feel sorry for me… comfort me. Or be disgusted… _  
"Are you sure you're alright?" Cloud asked him again, pushing his words more persistently this time.

"Hm?" he responded dumbly from his thoughts. He went ridged when he felt several fingers crawl onto his neck. He suddenly knew how it felt when Cloud had gone stiff when Roxas had touched him.

"Ah, yes… you are." The man muttered to himself, then said. "You're trembling."

"It's cold." He said quickly. He became unsettled that his body had continued shaking while he hadn't noticed. He wrapped his arms around himself, pressing against the ache in his chest.  
His gaze settled on Cloud, eyes staring skeptically. _It's hardly cold out here, I wonder if he really believes me… I almost wish he didn't, maybe then I can just explain myself and get this horrible feeling out of me.  
_It was a feeling of guilt for thinking so badly of Cloud, for thinking he would do something so obscene, even if a little intoxicated with alcohol.  
Not to mention the growing attraction towards him, but he wouldn't mention that. Not unless he was sure the feeling to mutual.

They found their way through the dark halls of Ansem's lab with the help of Roxas's light powers. A small bead of light constantly hovered before them, shedding light all around them.  
The deep shadows were cast over Cloud's face. Shadows curved off of his features in black arcs away from the light. In the brightness the man's eyes looked as if they truly glowed.

"Ah…" Roxas hesitated.

"What is it?" Cloud insisted.

The younger stopped, turning around out of Cloud's warm arm and standing in front of him. "Your eyes…is that natural?" Roxas squinted, trying to work out if the blue from his eyes was just getting picked up by the light or if it was really shinning out at him.

At first Cloud's face was blank with confusion, then a sweep of understanding fell over him. "That's… a long story."

Roxas made the light go out and searched in the darkness for glowing blue spheres but found none. He lit another light and squinted at his face.  
"How are they like that? It's weird…"

The man chuckled darkly. "Thanks?"

"Oh-I-sorry." He stuttered. "That was stupid of me to say, I'm sorry."

"Forget it. It doesn't bother me, my body has been messed around with quiet a bit and my eyes are the smallest price I could've paid."

"What do you mean?" Roxas asked timidly.

"I got tangled up with some… ever heard of mako?"

"No…"

"It's a kind of power… magic you could say." Cloud crossed his arms and chose his next few words carefully. "People that get mixed up with mako don't always turn out so good."

"What do you mea-"

"-They get mutated… become monsters. I came into a lot of contact with it once. But I was lucky, I was rescued."

"Resuced?"

"By a friend… a good friend." Cloud couldn't suppress the genuine smile that graced his lips. He felt his heart ache inside him at the memories that scarred his mind.

Roxas didn't notice the man's hands start to shake. "A friend? Leon or Aerith or someone?"

"No…He's…" Cloud swallowed hard, as if trying to get rid of some kind of pain that was preventing him from speaking. "He lost his life."

Roxas felt a sweep of sickly warmth then cold crawl over his skin. He fixed a frozen stare at Cloud. He then pulled him into a furious hug, throwing his arms around the man. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't of-"

Cloud slid his hands onto Roxas's shoulders and pushed him down but still kept his fingers clenched on him. "No need to be sorry. I wanted to tell you about him."

Roxas pulled a shaky smile.

Cloud returned it weakly. "Yeah, you remind me a little of how I was when I knew Zack. So young…"

"Zack…" Roxas whispered. "You must have been fond of him."

"He was a great man." He said taking a deep breath in and bringing an arm around the back of the boys head and pressing it against his sternum.

Roxas tilted his face up to look up at Cloud. "But you're a great man too."

He laughed grimly then kept his arm firmly around the boy as he started his way down the corridor again. "Not like Zack was…"

"Hey!" he protested as he was half dragged down the hallway. "Don't just laugh it off. You are." He said confidently.

"Hmph." He mumbled. "I'll tell you more about Zack some other time... Right now we should focus on that computer of yours."

Roxas smiled, he knew it was an excuse. "Okay. I'd love to listen you know. But hey, can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Why did you get me to stop cuttingthrough all this rock?" he asked, breaking away from Cloud's warmth to clamber up the pile he had demolished earlier that day. He stood at the top of it and held his arms up. "I mean, look what I did in seconds. I could have easily done it dozens more times and you know that. And you could have just done it as well, so why-"

"I thought you'd ask me." Cloud said, a little taken aback. He hadn't expected such a sudden changed of subject. "I couldn't let us get to the computer, not with everyone else around."

"Huh?"

"Well I don't know what you need to do with that computer exactly but I don't think you can do it with Yuffie, Aerith and Leon hanging around." He gazed distantly for a second then said. "Maybe with Aerith there you could…and not the others."

"Yeah."

"Let's keep moving." Cloud urged, skidding down the pile.

"Hey you know-" Roxas started, following Cloud down. "I've pretty much forgotten that I've lied to them. About all this computer business and who I really am."

"It was for the best that you did lie, you know the second you said you were a Nobody everyone else would've kicked you out or attacked you or tried to get information from you. Maybe not Aerith though…"

Roxas frowned at the idea of Leon and Cid pushing him against a wall and punching him till he hit to ground. "They wouldn't do that, would they?"

"They didn't know you at all back then, they wouldn't do that now."

"Yeah. But then… why did _you _ not try to kill me then?" He smirked.

"You helped me, besides you hardly looked dangerous."

"Come on, it was because you cared." he winked slyly.

"Hmph."

"Because you're more excepting than Leon."

"He's just looking out for everyone."

They stopped in the empty room that had more blocked passage ways off it as well as a mess of pipes that showed throw a large hole in the wall. "Was all this some kind of accident or did someone block this all off on purpose?"

"On purpose I'd say, that's why there are so many pointless passages that just go in circles." Cloud answered.

"Shall I take one and you take the other?"

"Yeah good idea." He nodded, unsheathing the large sword he carried with him.

They went to opposite sides of the space, each taking a spot up by a wall. Cloud on the left and Roxas at the front of the room.  
As the smooth hilts of each keyblade found their way into Roxas's hands he could've hit himself over his own stupidity. He stared bluntly at the dark Oblivion key as if expecting it to laugh and mock him. 'I was in that wall! Remember? The one you tired to PULL me out of.' It said to him, laughing the whole time.

"Rox….as?" Cloud quickly avoided dubbing him with a nickname. "You ready?"

"Oh, yeah." He nodded stiffly and then tried to pull himself back into his usual mind frame. "Last one to Ansem's lab loses?"

"Ready-go!" Cloud signaled and then threw his thick weapon down onto the rock.

Roxas turned at his own obstacle and decided what do to. He leapt high, his hair skimming the roof as he brought a keyblade grinding down the pile of rocks and stones and mismatched pieces of twisted metal. Everything spilt down the middle and rolled towards him He crossed his blades over his chest for protection and then a shield of light burst from him, throwing all projectiles out of the air.

He was left with a clear path ahead of him, save a few rusted yellow beams that he quickly crawled under and round a corner to some stairs.

"ROXAS! Get over here!"


	11. My Purpose

"ROXAS! Get over here!"

He was dashing back at Cloud's call, eager to see if something was found.

His pace suddenly slowed when he came to the freshly cleared out corridor. His jaw threatened to drop. Meters of debris and blown apart stones stretched on around the corner. _Holy crap, it's only been like 30 seconds!_

"Wow Cloud, this is impressive." He said, turning the corner.

"Look." Cloud stood at the end of the hall by a door.  
The walls and floor suddenly changed color halfway down the hallway and became clean and free of cracks and crumbling dust. A long teal rug ran from the patterned door to his feet. "I think that's our best bet."

"Yeah." Roxas agreed with much enthusiasm, running down to Cloud, who was starting to pull at the doors handle. "Locked."

"No problem." The younger shrugged, spinning the keyblades around in his fingers then aiming at the center of the door. With the simple thought of wanting the door unlocked the keys responded with a ring of shimmering light around each tip, then a beam shot out from both keyblades, hitting the face of the door and making it glow.  
A solid 'chink' told him it was unlocked and he lowered his weapons. The light faded.

"You're full of surprises aren't you?" Cloud said, getting a hand through Roxas's hair again.

"Well I wouldn't want you to get bored with me."

"Hah." Cloud opened the door, taking his hand and leading him in.

"So you're comfortable with hold my hands now?" he blurted out jokingly and then regretted it straight away.

Luckily his only reaction was a thin attempt of a smile and then…"This is what you wanted isn't it?"

"What?!" Roxas spat out, eyes wide with surprise.

"Isn't i-" Cloud stopped upon studying the youths steadily blossoming cheeks. "I'm talking about the computer."

"Oh…Oh!"

_Just look at him, things like this just keep on happening._ Cloud thought shaking his head. _Poor Roxas, he must feel very ashamed right now…_ "There's no need to apologize because I know you're going to. I should have made myself clearer."

It took him a second to process what the other had said. "Sorry my mind's just been a little messed up lately."

"You alright?"

"Yeah, it's nothing I can't handle."

"Tell me about it later." Cloud said, fully aware of what was plaguing the boys mind. "And I'll tell you about Zack."

"Uh, sure." Roxas agreed skeptically.

"Now are you ready? Let's find this computer that knows so much about you."

"Yeah." He nodded stepping through, pulling the other with him.

The room before them was an orangey cream color with pipes going into the ceiling and floor. Diagrams were hung on the walls and a desk and matching chair sat in the center of the room. Books were scattered around the space and smashed, cylinder jars littered the ground, a few drips of colored liquids sat at the bottom of them.  
A portrait with a gold painted frame drew Roxas. The man in the frame had oak toned skin with startling golden yellow eyes that stared distantly in front of him.  
Long, dark grey laps of hair fell around his dark face and a purple neck tie sat ruffled at his throat under a white jacket.

Roxas came into the room, eyes fixed on the painting.

"Roxas…?" Cloud inquired.

"It's Xemnas…"

"Who's Xemnas?"

"…No, it must be his Nobody...I mean his…" Roxas blinked hard as if trying to rid himself of some illusion he was seeing.  
_This can't be Xemnas's other person… this guy is… I hate to admit it, but he's beautiful.  
_He scrutinized the face of the man. It seemed gaunt yet filled, thin yet shaped. It had to be Xemnas's 'Somebody'. Roxas didn't know much about Xemnas's past, but it didn't seem at all surprising that he was connected to the computer in more ways than one.

"So this isn't Ansem?"

He shook his head. "Nope."

"So who's Xemnas?"

"The leader of Organization XIII…"

"So what is his painting doing here?"

"This isn't of him; it's got to be of his other person."

"Right. Why is it here?"

"I've heard Xemnas used to be a scientist of some kind, along with some of the other members. Well until they lost their hearts… I don't know how though." Roxas sighed, thinking of his old life and how glad he was that it was over. "But I don't see a computer. This is an office, not a lab."

Roxas felt this pulse give a great thud when a chillingly familiar sound practically curled through the room. At first he thought he'd imagined it until a snide teenaged voice followed.

"Hello Roxas, fancy meeting you here."

A dark swirling portal died down behind a person adorning the Organization cloak. They're hood was up But height and voice gave them away to Roxas immediately.

"Get lost Zexion." He bit out.

"A simple 'hello' would have sufficed."

"You're not welcome." Cloud said, reading Roxas's tone.

"Oh don't threat, I'm not about to go and tell every Organization member where you are." He said, throwing back his hood and rolling his eyes. "Hmmm. If your scent wasn't so strong I wouldn't have recognized you in those clothes."

"Why are you here, what do you want?" Roxas pressed, panic building within him. The Organization had found him… but he wasn't about to go back without a fight. His fingers twitched with anticipation.

"If you must know Axel threatened me here." He flicked a long trail of his slate hair away from his eyes.

"A-Axel?" his breath hitched. "He's looking for me isn't he? The fool..." he dropped his eyes to his feet. "What did he threaten you with?"

"My life." Zexion replied simply. Roxas groaned. Axel always had to take things too far, who knows what kind of trouble he was getting himself into. "He shouldn't have done that." Roxas meet Zexion's with some sympathy.  
To this, Zexion's lip curled and nose wrinkled. "It's barely been a week and look at you. So many uncontrolled emotions, so many false emotions."

"Yeah well the past week has been the most emotional rollercoaster ride of my life. I've been living instead of being told that I can't live." He smirked.

"All fake, all false. Without a heart a true feeling can never truly be experienced and you know it."

It was the speech he had heard so many times from every superior he had save one or two. But out here, in Hollow Bastion he had many emotions and friends instead of superiors "I was told a lot of things and they're all bullshit!" he hissed, stepping closer to the short man. "If we have no hearts, if we truly don't exist… then this shouldn't hurt!" he threw a fist to Zexion's face but it was caught by Cloud's fast hand.  
"Only fight if he fights first." He said to Roxas, squeezing his fingers around his fist before releasing him.

"A wise man." Zexion noted, nodding slightly. "I'm here on Axel's business. Do you really think I'd be here to harm you?"

"Well you can stray from Axel's wishes all you want." Roxas glared. "And I don't trust anyone in the Organization anymore!"

"Roxas calm yourself, please." Cloud frowned down upon him. "What's gotten into you? I've never seen you act like this."

He knew these words would calm Roxas and they did. He dropped his eyes to his feet, looking suddenly somber, almost ashamed.  
Zexion turned up his nose at the emotion the boy displayed.

"What do you want from him?" Cloud asked, looking from boy to boy.

"I want to hold up my end of the deal so Axel will no longer be a threat to my nonexistence. Not that the superior won't kill me if he finds out I'm doing this anyway." He spoke quite casually, picking at a loose thread from his glove.

"What would your end of the deal have you do?" the man responded curtly.

"Oh I just need to reveal his location to Axel along with some proof that he is alive and well."

"Why can't Axel do this himself?" Roxas asked.

"He's tried. But after hours of neglecting his work in the Organization to track down you, the Superior has put him under tight surveillance. He can't move so much as a finger without Xemnas knowing. So he dragged me into this."

"Why you?" Roxas eyed him strangely. "You hate getting you're hands dirty."

"True but I'm the best tracker. I can pick up an individuals sent amongst thousands of others over many miles and I can disuse myself as virtually anyone. Who better qualified?" Zexion busied himself with a book he'd picked up from the floor. He tore the back page out and held it out to Roxas. "Write a note to Axel and sign it so I can finish this idiotic mission."

Roxas sighed, streaming fingers back through his locks. He looked to Cloud then back to Zexion. "Sorry about all this, Axel's taking this too far...."

Zexion rolled his eyes. "Anger then sympathy followed by more anger and yet more smypathy. You're simply a rollercoaster of emotions now, numb...ex-number 13."

"Jealous?" he eyed him and smirked.

"Of your fake feelings? Not in the slightest."

"Who says they're fake?"

Zexion paced up to look Roxas slyly in the face and press his finger tip into his chest. "That empty space that's void of a heart." he said, grinding his finger against him with every word.

Roxas knocked his hand away. "My heart may be gone but I can make emotions fine on my own." he grunted back then turned to the trashed desk to locate a pen.

As the stoic Nobody watched the younger pull out draws onto the floor he shoved a hand out to Cloud. "Zexion." he announced, eyes still trained on Roxas.

"Cloud." he replied, sensing no real danger in the young man and shaking his hand.  
"He's an interesting case…" The young man babbled to himself. "He always has been."

"You're talking about Roxas?"

"Indeed. He's always been the most rebellious to our ways. He insists that his emotional dispositions are no less real then he is. When in fact both are quiet false in this world."

Cloud could see Zexion's mind tick over and his eyes turn to haze in thought. "Roxas has recently become closer to Sora. Maybe that has something to do with it?" Cloud suggested.

"Hm. It's interesting enough that Sora is a sane, whole hearted person. This could have an effect on Roxas's ability to reconnect with his memories and the emotions that come from them."

"What happens to the person that a Nobody comes from?"

"They become a heartless. A mindless, obsessive little demon." His lip twitched unpleasantly at the thought.

"What happened to Sora then?"

"…You're well informed." Zexion noted, glancing up at him.

"I've also been close to Roxas and he's taught me a lot." Cloud smiled a smile that curled sweetly on his lips.

"I've had many theories on Sora." He said jumping back in the conversation. "But my best guess is that the Kairi girl had a piece of his heart, the piece that Sora had given up to save her. And she simply returned it and he was a heartless no more."

Roxas had quickly located an old pencil and was scribbling as fast as he could down on the paper. More and more ideas of what to say rushed into his head and he had to find a new bit of paper because the first one was already filled. Filled with promises of his safety and assurances of his happiness. The second page was soon overflowed with wonderings of how Axel was doing, apologies for his sudden departure and explanations of why he couldn't of stayed. Then the third was packed with memories, all their stupid little inside jokes and times they'd shared. At the forth page his hand slowed.

_Don't ever forget me okay? Got THAT memorized you idiot? We WILL see each other again. Please don't do anything reckless like this again for both our sakes._

_I miss you… I think I've only just realized how much I've been missing you. The little wet bits on the page where here before by the way… _He wrote as he pressed his soft sleeve to his wet eyes.

_From your (hopefully still) best friend._

_ROXAS._

He took his time to draw a small key symbol next to his name and then pressed the pad of his finger to it, making it shine with light. "There." He whispered to himself, taking each page and piling them on top of each other. He rolled up the stack and held them out to Zexion, cutting off the quiet conversation he was having with Cloud.

The other Nobody took them and flicked to the last page to locate the signature. "Very good. I'll take my leave." He looked between them then creased his brow and pressed a curled finger to his lips thoughtfully. "How did you two get down here?" he suddenly asked them.

"Cloud's strong." Roxas smiled proudly.

"Ah… You have no idea where it is, do you?"

"The wha-"

"Computer."

Cloud perked up. "And you do?"

"How do you know we're looking for it?" Roxas puzzled.

"I've been following you of course."

"Where is it?" Cloud pressed again.

"You really have no idea do you?" Zexion smirked; clearly enjoying the blondes' obliviousness. He strode over to a wall and peeled his glove off. He studied the wall and then pressed his hand to the flat surface. A huge part of the wall glowed brightly before disappearing to reveal a passage behind it. "Not much reason for me to stay. Not as much as there is reason for you Roxas." Zexion said bluntly, indicating his eyes clearly to Cloud before letting another snigger grow up one cheek. Roxas wasn't sure if he was smirking at that fact that they could've never figured out how to work the wall or something else entirely.

He turned and spilt the air into a dark portal that swirled up from the ground. He cast his head back over his shoulder as he stepped through. "Goodbye." He somehow managed to say it slyly.

"Bye Zexion…" Roxas mumbled.

"Bye." Cloud said blankly.

The darkness closed around the small man.

"Why did he help us?"

The smaller blonde sighed. "He just likes being smarter than everyone else. He hasn't changed a bit."

"By the sounds of it, you have changed though."

The boy stepped to the section of wall that had disappeared into the air. "I guess I have…" he said as he slowly walked into the new passage way.

He didn't know how far the computer was from here as he started walking through and with each step a million new thoughts burst into his head.  
Now was the time. When he found the computer everything would be decided. He felt like ever since he'd set out from the Organization his life had been leading up to a point and then all would become clear. But now it felt more like his existence was hurtling towards a crossroad. A crossroad where he couldn't choose his own path, he would just have to sit there and watch himself follow a path that formed under his feet. And if he could choose his own path? Well he didn't even know what he wanted anymore.  
To find information in the computer would be to leave this place and build up a new life again. A life made from a combination of what the computer had told him and the broken pieces of the life he'd leave behind. If he were to learn anything new about his existence, he knew he'd be spurred on by answers and perhaps return to Xemnas… he'd have to return to Xemnas to press him for more answers. Xemnas knew more about Nobodies then anyone. It would be dangerous but more than worth it.  
And if there was nothing? If the computer told him nothing? Then maybe he would be able to forget about it all. There would be no spark to light the hungry fire for knowledge. Blissfully ignorant about his purpose and how his mind and body worked… he might be able to pull it off. He could stay here and live out this life… with Cloud.

He turned and looked back to the man who was following him. Cloud had always been following him. All the way, all the time. No matter what he'd done. Roxas felt something within him cry out and he wanted to reach for Cloud, to hold him before the judge slammed their hammer down on Roxas's life.

And there it was. A keyboard with large buttons and a long screen built into a large block like counter.  
His eyes scanned the keyboard with hesitance. He located a button in the top right corner labeled 'power on/off'.

Before he even raised a hand he knew it couldn't do it. "Press it." Roxas commanded weakly of the other.

"Roxas?" Cloud leaned around to look at his face.

"Just do it."

He washed a suspicious look over Roxas's frozen form before tapping in the button with a selective finger.


	12. I Love to Fail

The screen buzzed into life and whirring sounds came alive around them as the computer started. The monitor went blue then grey before flickering back to blue. A box came up, the top of it labeled 'Start up menu' and Cloud read out what was written underneath.

"…Password?"

Roxas felt like he had just managed to stop himself from throwing up all over his shoes. "W-we need a password?"

"…It would seem so. Zexion knew all along didn't he? He let us in just so we could be locked out again a passcode…I'm so sorry Roxa-"

He threw himself at Cloud, arms tight around his neck. "I'm going to stay here for ever and ever with you and I never want to leave!" That thing inside him cried out again, it urged him to grip tighter.  
Nervous arms responded ever so slowly, bringing themselves around the boy. A smooth voice whispered. "…I know."  
Roxas didn't let go. "What?" he mumbled, pressing his cheek into Cloud's one.  
"I know and I'm glad because I'm not…I-I'm not strong enough…"  
"What?" he asked again, more shakily this time.  
"I knew what could be on this computer might drive you away from here, off to some far away world to look for a heart or emotions or information. I told myself I'd have to let you go but…" his voice crumbled away with every word. "…I'm not strong enough to let you go. Or maybe I'm just selfish…"

Tears rolled down from blue eyes and smudged where their warm cheeks meet. It was impossible to tell whose they belonged to. "I don't care who I am or why I'm here anymore."

"I know…" Cloud murmured, moving his hands onto the boys' shoulders and gently pushing him back. "This whole computer ordeal has been bothering you hasn't it? I know you wanted to stay."  
Roxas nodded and Cloud curled his hands around the back of his warm neck.

Roxas looked around the small computer room and realized he really hadn't taken anything in when he took his nervous steps to the computer.  
A huge expanse of space stretched out beyond a glass window in front of him. The walls of this giant space were lined with strange glass structures. They seemed to be in a small control room above it all. "I hadn't noticed any of this stuff. I was so nervous I didn't even pay attention…" He chuckled, and it sounded a bit like one of Cloud's light chuckles… he liked that. He looked at Cloud and familiar, secure feelings rushed to his chest.  
"What are you thinking about?" he was asked.

"Just you." He grinned bravely. "…Come on. He should get out of here!" Roxas said with a happy jump in his voice. Maybe he could get Cloud to take a little detour with him…

The man nodded. "We'll need to cave the halls back in. We can't make it obvious that we were ever here."  
Roxas didn't like hiding things from the others. He'd done enough of that already. But he agreed. "Alright… I just don't want to risk my friendship with them." He thought for a second, bringing a frown to his face. "Though you've bee risking it by coming down here with me.

"You know I don't care."

Roxas considered this. "Yeah… you're right I did know...." He laughed smiled again.

"Good." Cloud nodded. He reached out and held Roxas protectively by him with one arm.

They walked out, not bothering to figure out how to close the mysterious entry to the computer room. Roxas pulled away and marveled as Cloud's drew is sword. The man gripped it in both hands and swung it around his body then slashed it into the ground. Three huge cracks webbed out along the floor and ran up the walls and onto the ceiling. At first nothing happened, nothing but dust was shifted. Cloud put his hand out to warn Roxas not to step any closer then stepped forward to run his hand along one of the large splits in the wall. His eye caught something long and yellow in the wall. A beam. Immediately he thrust his sword into it and then jumped away.  
The side of the wall burst out, huge debris and flimsy metal crashing to the ground.

Cloud waved dust out of his face. "There."

"Woah…" Roxas suddenly felt twitchy. "I want to try!"

"Go on then." Cloud pushed him in the small of his back.

Roxas ran to his own demolished corridor and summoned his keys to his hands. He forced a keyblade into the ground and then another into the wall. He stepped back, rubbing his hands together. "Time for some demolition." He focused on the keyblades and then closed his eyes, breathing out slowly. "GO!" he commanded and the keyblades exploded with a lot force.  
When Roxas opened his eyes the pile was inches away from his face. He coughed. "I don't know how much more this place can take."  
He reached out his hands and each keyblade shot into his fingers. "Good." He told them before letting them disappear.

He heard a sudden cracking sound above him. Roxas shot his head up to see a thick spilt in the ceiling. "Uhm…" he edged away. _It's probably best to get out of here…._

The blondes met back up and when they got outside they both sighed when the fresh night air hit them. "Hmm that's nice." Roxas said and a long yawn followed.

"Sleepy huh?"

"Yeah." He admitted. It had been a long, worry filled day.

Cloud brought a hand through Roxas's hair as he had been doing recently. Then he turned around. "Hold onto my shoulders." He said, kneeling down.  
He did as he was told. "You're going to get me to ride on your back aren't you?"

"Yes." Cloud said, taking Roxas's legs under his arms and straightening to a stand. "Wow, haha cool!" he hugged his arms over Cloud's shoulders and rested his face in his neck.  
The walk back wasn't slowed at all by Roxas, he was light to Cloud. "This feels just like I thought it would be." The younger said with a slightly laugh.  
"And what did you think it would feel like?"  
"Weird."

Roxas's enthusiasm died down fast and he yawned more and more. Soft bits of Cloud's soft hair reached down and brushed his cheek with each step and the smell of shampoo and some other lovely sent that he couldn't place filled his senses. He breathed heavily into Cloud warm neck and he became nothing but a slumped body against his friends back.

As the boy slipped, Cloud hoisted him up further with a shrug of his shoulders. Roxas stirred. "Ughmmm. We there?" he mumbled quietly.  
"Not yet."  
"I'm…" he yawned, bring tears to his eyes. "I'm still not used to all this traveling over short distances. I used to use portals to get-oh." Roxas giggled softly through his sleepiness. "I should'a just…" he twitched his fingers a little and a black portal swirled up in front of them. Cloud could just barely see it through the night. "This will get us back to my place?"

"Yup…."

"Alright then." He said and stepped through it.

"Ah god!" Cloud shivered unpleasantly. They were back in the dark loft of Cloud's house in a second, but the man was left with a chill through his bones. "I feel like I've been thrown into the ocean. So cold…"

"Really?" Roxas perked up. "Maybe it's a human thing; I don't feel that at all."

"Probably. Do you want to give us some light pal?"

"Uhm hmmm." He yawned then set the key symbol that still graced Cloud's window ablaze with light. "There…."

"Now lets get you to bed slee-what the-what happened to the wall?!" Cloud blinked and frowned.  
Roxas was suddenly awake again. And freaked out. _Oh god, oh god. you bloody idiot.  
__**'Oooooooh, how you going to get yourself out of this one Roxas?'  
**_"SHUT UP!" he yelled at Sora, fisting his hair.  
Cloud dropped the boy to the ground and spun around to face him, looking rather shocked. "Roxas, what did I say?"

"No, nothing. Ugh." He bowed his head into his hands.

"What's wrong?" Cloud asked, hugging him to his chest and stroking his back. This calmed Roxas and he curled his fingers in Cloud's shirt. He could've stayed like that for a while. In fact he did.

"Not falling asleep on me again are you?"

"Sorry."

"Don't be. Now what's wrong? What did I say?"

Roxas shook his head. "No, it was Sora. He's just talking to me and getting on my nerves."

"What did he say?"

"It doesn't matter." He said, pulling away and closing his eyes. "I uh…" There was nothing for it but to just tell Cloud. "…I screwed up your wall."

"Was there some kind of accident? Did you get hurt or anything?"

"No, no. I'm fine. But… look this is going to sound really bad of me." He said, suddenly fiddling furiously with his sleeves.

"Just tell me, Roxas."

He flicked his eyes to the young mans gentle face, then to the shattered planks of wood in the wall. "I-I uhgm. Well okay. You know how you told me to wait up here…for you and don't get changed or anything."

Cloud pulled a face. "Yeah…"

"I kind of took that the TOTAL wrong way." He was doing anything he could to avoid the others eyes now.

"…How so?"

"Well you whispered it all slyly and you were a little drunk and you said to stay awake for you and it sounded really… dirty kinda-ish… so I thought you were going to use me or something stupid like that…" His cheeks were hot with embarrassment and his tongue moved fast in an attempt to get this over with as fast as possible. "I know that's not what you meant but like I said, my minds been really messed up recently and I couldn't help it. I'm sorry it's really horrible for me to of eve-"

"-Roxas I would never do anything like that." Cloud said, trying to not sound as shocked as he was.

"I know. But I-I don't know what I was thinking." He could've cried with shame at this point. "Forgive me."

"I already have. Now come here." He gestured.  
Roxas took a few slow steps into Cloud's arms. "So much hugging." He said.  
"Well it's probably the most I've given in a day." The man smiled one his small smiles, which fell all of a sudden. "…That still doesn't explain the hole in my wall…"

"Oh yeah. Uhmm…"

Cloud lifted his chin with one finger, bringing their faces into a close stare. "If you tell me, I promise I won't make you pay for it."  
Roxas smirked and pulled his face away, only to have it caught again in Cloud's palm. "W-why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you look at me like that?"

Cloud chuckled in his face. "Like what?"

"Like you're expecting something from me."

"Well I'm expecting you to tell me what happened to my wall."

"No, I mean you did it just before…I think…" he put his own hand over Cloud's, which was resting against his cheek. "And…

"Annnnnd?" he stretched the word in a questioning manner, quirking an eyebrow.

"And your looking at me like that again." He poked out his tongue. "And I freaked out. That's why you have a whole in your wall." He started to twiddle his thumbs nervously. "When I thought you were being really weird and… suggestive…. I got this horrible image in my head of you being all drunk and I just freaked. Then before I knew it there was a keybalde in the wall… Sorry. What a thing for me to do."

Cloud couldn't deny the uneasy feelings it gave him as well. "It doesn't matter, you couldn't help it."

"Yeah probably not."

Roxas shivered when Cloud pressed his lips in his hair. He wanted to know how that kiss would feel against his skin. He yearned to know if it would perhaps feel awkward and make him flinch. Did kisses have to be restricted to the top of his head, or if they felt just as good against his flesh?

Somehow Cloud managed to usher Roxas into bed. As the boy lay his body out over the mattress, his muscles ached with pleasure. It was lovely to finally rest everything after another long day. Just how many more of these he could handle?  
He tilted his head and watched Cloud through the darkness. Gentle, tough, soft, rough, Cloud. He felt drawn. He also felt suddenly displeased as he counted every wide floorboard that lay in the distance between them. 14 floorboards, and he was annoyed at every one of them.


	13. My True Purpose

Cloud's eyes snapped open. A grinding sound had stirred him from his thoughts.  
He flipped over and saw a bed moving towards him, scrapping over the wooden floor. The two beds joined with a thud and then Roxas came crawling along the beds out of the darkness.  
The boy connected their eyes anxiously. His crystals of blue pleaded for acceptance.  
Cloud responded, stroking a hand over his hair. Roxas smiled shyly and started to settle on his own bed. "What's up Roxas?"

"I don't know. I can't sleep over there by myself."

"Lonely huh?"

"A bit." He admitted.

Cloud rested on his pillow, staring into the dark ceiling, still very aware of the boys presence. Every second seemed to be another that Roxas inched closer to him. He imagined the uneasiness going through the others head. He would be timid and skeptic as Roxas always seemed. Every daring gesture that brought Roxas closer to Cloud tested them. It made Cloud wonder. "Come on then."

The remark startled Roxas, but he took it in his stride. He rolled right onto the other bed and into Cloud's awaiting arm. He was held tightly against the man's bare chest and kept his hands safe behind his back to avoid any accidental brushes or nudges.  
Cloud curled his hand around Roxas's shoulder and started absentmindedly twiddling his familiar blonde locks. Comfortable silence stretched on as the man became relaxed within his own solitary mind. He barely heard the delicate whisper in his ear. "H-how did…"

"Hm?"

"Can I ask you something about your friend?"

"Zack?"

"Yes."  
Cloud was pleased at the determined tone in the boy's voice but it wavered soon. "How did he die?"

"He-" Cloud paused, moving his warm fingers onto Roxas's neck and his breath stopping for a second. "I suppose he died to save me." He felt a quick gasp beside him. "I was sick, and frankly I wasn't very strong anyway. He fought off hundreds of armed men. He knew from the start that it was hopeless but… he didn't understand the meaning of the word 'hopeless'. Eventually he was shot down… but I got to be with him at the end…"He closed his eyes, powerless against his own emotions.  
A gentle hand touched his own. Cloud smiled a pathetic smile in a vain attempt to assure Roxas. "It's okay. It was a long time ago. I want… more than anything to think of him and smile now. He was an amazing man." Cloud still remembered his voice. A confidant, uplifting voice, that forever inspired him. He'd cling to every word. And still he was clinging to them.

"Zack." He heard Roxas say.The boy looked over himand then out the window into the heavens above. "Thank you, Zack."

Cloud smiled a genuine smile this time.  
"He saved you Cloud. And you saved me."

"I hardly saved you, you collapsed and I brought you inside. Simple as that."

"And we're great friends!" Roxas proclaimed, rolling joyfully onto his stomach and propped himself up on his elbows. The sudden emotional swing amused Cloud. "And now we can stay like that."

"Well this Organization of yours is posing a threat…"

"We'll beat them up!"

"And say they knew the password to that computer? What would you do then?"

Roxas frowned. A frown that was dangerously close to being a pout. "They can get stuffed Cloud. I might not have been sure whether to stay before but now I've realized that I don't want to go anywhere without you. Anywhere I went I'd get you to follow me and I'll follow you where ever you go too." He said eagerly.

"You are a bit like me whenever I was around Zack. Accept cockier." He chuckled.

"You're just a shy person."

"Am I?"

"Yes!" Roxas half laughed. "What do you mean? Of course you are. The only people you really talk to are me and Leon."

"I just don't really like talking to other people."

"Yeah! That's called being shy. Not wanting to talk to people."

Cloud rolled his eyes. "What would you know about being shy, Roxas? You don't even have emotions."  
Suddenly the warm body that was beside him shifted away. "Rox-"

"Cloud how could you? I…" the boy shook his head, holding a hand over his quivering mouth. "I can't believe you just said that…"  
Cloud saw through it straight away and gave his shoulder a gentle shove. "You really expect me to believe that? You fool." He gave him another prompt shove.

The little blonde was pushed away where he rolled up in the mess of the blankets from the two beds. He laughed happily. Cloud grabbed a blanket that had bundled up in and tugged it back over his cold body. He tucked it neatly back into the end of the bed. "Rox, you're making a mess."

"Clow, you're being mean."

Cloud pulled an amused face but shook it off. "Okay Roxas, let's settle down now. It's very late."

Roxas crawled to him immediately like a small puppy being called by its master. He settled on the side of Cloud, who was back to looking into the roof.  
The boy laid a cautious hand on the blanket over Cloud's chest. Cloud rested his hand on top of Roxas's

Roxas chuckled. He instantly regretted it when Cloud remained silent. But soon he spoke up.

"It's nice to be like Zack for you… how he was for me."

"Well I think it's honorable that I am the Cloud to your Zack."

"You're not really how I used to be."

Roxas tilted his head in question. "What's different?"

"I was…Shy."

The boy smiled. "I knew it."

"And…"

Roxas rested a cheek on Cloud chest, a sweep of warmth washing over his body as he did. "And…?"

Cloud battled with his brain over whether or not he should let the next few words slip his tongue. "And I was…" He decided that he should. For the sake of honesty. He would take whatever came from the words he'd say. "I was in love with him."

Silence.

"Surprised?"

"Auh…"

Cloud looked down in the boys bemused face. "Roxas? Come on it's not that shocking."

"Yes it is!" Roxas retaliated. "You loved him and then… you lost him." His eyes saddened as his face dropped. "That must've felt…" Roxas's hand tightened suddenly "Horrible."

"It was a long time ago." Cloud said, starting to stroke the small blonde head beneath him. "But I still feel regret… I never even told him."

"He didn't know?"

"No." Cloud smiled grimly and closed his eyes. His sheepish days of admiring Zack flashed clearly behind his lids.  
He felt Roxas's head shake in disbelief, as if he couldn't understand how Cloud had managed to handle Zack's death. How did he manage it really?

"You know, for years I pretended that it had never really happened. I couldn't cope with facing Zack's death." He managed to avoid mentioning his metal breakdown, which was a little bit closer to the truth. Where his mind snapped and he quickly pieced it back together. He couldn't truly live without that gorgeous, strong man. So he turned all his morals into Zack's. All of his deceased friends' dreams, wants, fears, strengths, weaknesses, quirks and downfalls where turned into his own. And so he lived being just like Zack. And for a while it had worked.

"Have you always ignored that it had ever happened?"

"No. I stopped. By the time I faced the facts, it had been so long that it didn't really hurt anymore."

Roxas sat up to curl his arms around Cloud's neck.

"What's this for?" he whispered.

"For your pain." Roxas's voice wavered.

"I'm fine…" he felt Roxas shiver against him as his breath warmed his ear.

Cloud brought his own arms around Roxas's small frame. It made the boy smile into his neck. "Can you tell me about Zack? What did he look like?" he asked and he settled down on top of Cloud, full flush against him, arms still linked behind his neck.

Cloud pondered to himself for a bit. Not that he needed to. Zack was burned well into his memory. "Well he had black hair. It was long and came down in all sorts of directions and around his face. Then he changed it and it was smoothed back… though a bit of it still always hung over his face. He was a few years older than me…"

Roxas wolf whistled. "Nice one Cloud."

Cloud shook his head disapprovingly but laughed along nonetheless. "He got a scar on his face." He continued, streaking a finger up his chin to indicate where it was. "He came back with it one day. I don't know the details but I heard that he was forced to kill his own friend when they attacked him."

"…What kind of place did you live in Cloud?"

"A twisted one."

"…"

Silence stuck in the air once again, both we're left with their own thoughts for a while.

"He had nice blue eyes." Cloud sighed.

"Like yours?"

"No, they were more like yours."

The boy pulled out of his neck and smiled brightly at him. For a few seconds he stayed like that until he suddenly said. "I see it."

"See what?"

"Well sometimes I see things from Sora's memory when I look at people or things."

"Yeah, I know that."

"There's something I always see when I look at you." Roxas said, making Cloud wonder.

"What do you see?"

"It's called a…Papou fruit."

"A what?"

"I didn't know what it was ether. But I asked Riku and Sora what it was. Before they left I drew it on a window and they told me it was a Papou fruit."

Cloud pulled a face. "So when you look at me you see…fruit?"

"They told me that when two people share one…their destinies become intertwined." Roxas smiled shyly.

"That must be a sign." Cloud laughed, taking the boys' hand.

"That we'll always be like this. Friends?"

"Probably."

"But…You mean so much more to me, Cloud. More than you know" He said before he could stop himself.

"I bet I do know how much I mean to you." He said absently mindedly twiddling the boy's hair around one of his fingers.

Roxas laughed mentally. "Uh, no. You don't."

Cloud leaned in close, past Roxas's face and to his ear. "I bet I do." He whispered and brought a hand stroking all over the pale skin of the boy's neck and shoulders.  
Roxas shook out one long shiver at his touch. Did Cloud really know how he'd been feeling? The way he was suddenly acting suggested that he did know… Impossible. "No you don't." he sighed, arms becoming suddenly lose as they hung around Cloud's neck. He could feel Cloud's heartbeat against his chest. He lay directly on top of the man, wearing the large pair of black silk pajamas while Cloud remained shirtless as he always did at night. Cloud was warm and the rise and falls of this breathing relaxed him.

"Roxas. Please."

"Uhm?" he opened his eyes, not remember ever closing them.

"Why do you think I don't know?"  
It took Roxas a while to figure out what he was talking about. "Because you couldn't feel all the happiness that I feel when I'm with you. You'd explode or something." He grinned lazily.  
The hand that was still dancing over his shoulders, stopped. Their eyes locked, they both saw easily through the darkness. "Roxas… I need you to say it."

His chest lurched. He gaze grew wider on Cloud but still he remained silent.  
The older blonde turned somber, but his eyes seemed to be screaming at him. They were clawing at his mouth for some kind of response.  
"I'm not going to wait." Cloud said strongly, taking the side of his face in his wonderfully familiar palm. Roxas leaned into his hand.  
"Waiting and wondering didn't get me very far last time with Zack." He continued. "But I still want _you _to say it. I'm not going to hazard a guess, I want to hear the words."

Roxas was struck still and he immediately avoided the others eyes. Cloud had never demanded anything from him, only given him things. Given him happiness, safety, friendship and a new life that was all his own. So of course, Roxas could do one little thing now for him. But why did it have to be something that was so hard? "H-how can you be so certain that I even know what you're talking about?"

"Roxas you're-look at me." When his friend stubbornly shut his eyes he sighed and carried on. "Roxas you're just like me. Just like when I was around Zack."

"Then what are YOU like?!" he asked desperately. "If I'm like how you were then…"he was growing angry and he didn't know why. "Then… where do you stand?! What do you feel?"

Cloud still spoke so calmly. It made him feel like a small child. "I'll be your friend. But if you're not satisfied with just that then…then I'm not going to deny the fact that…"

So Cloud had trouble saying it too. He finally meet Cloud's brilliant eyes. "I love you."

Cloud's heart ached when he saw a small tear escape the boy. He stroked it gently away only to have more follow. They were silent tears and Roxas smiled through them. Cloud wiped his own stinging eyes just to be sure he hadn't started crying as well. He hugged the boy against him. "How could I have let myself do this Roxas? You're so young…"

"That doesn't matter…" he was shaking. "C-Cloud?"

"Yes?"

"How long have you…"

"Loved you?"

Roxas felt a surge of happiness hearing Cloud say those words. "Yeah." He sighed.

"I don't know but… I think I realized it when you had fallen for Riku."

"..Sorry."

"Don't be. He's a beautiful boy."

"Ha! So you liked him too?"

"No. I couldn't admire anyone on looks alone."

Roxas laughed nervously. "But…What will the others say?" he asked, clinging to the man.

"I don't know. But Leon already knows."

"What?" Roxas pulled away.

"That's what he wanted to talk to me about before we went to the computer."

"You said he was scolding you for letting me break though the lab."

"Yeah I lied about that... so please don't mention that I let you tear down the walls of those halls because he actually has no idea."

"But… how did he find out about… how we felt…?"

"I didn't tell him anything. He could tell, he said it was obvious by looking at us."

Roxas's cheeks burned. "Was I that obvious?"

"No, I was the obvious one." He laughed.

"I couldn't tell."

"That's because you haven't seen much of how I normally act. You just know how I act to you." He ruffled his hair.

"Roxas batted the hand away from his head. "You're always messing with my hair."

"I like your hair." He stated.

Roxas reached out for Cloud's hand and intertwined their fingers. "I can hear your heart."

"Can you now?"

"Yes…"

Time past. It must have been a long time because Roxas was nearly asleep again. He had been talking to Cloud saying things he couldn't even remember, mindless drivel and half asleep thoughts, all useless words but Cloud answered every one of them.

"Goodnight Roxas."

"Ummmhm… Cloud."


	14. Angel

Cloud watched Roxas fall asleep. The boys' eyes slipped shut, then his shoulders relaxed and his breathing evened out, becoming slow and heavy.  
As he began to mumble inaudible things, Cloud knew for sure that he was asleep. He smiled, his heart pounded hard against his chest at the sight of him.  
He settled down, ready to drift off himself.

But a sudden flash of red shone through his lids. He cracked open an eye to find the sun had broken its first light over the blue hills. He groaned. "That was a long night…"  
He sighed heavily and slid very carefully out from under Roxas and placed the small blondes head on his pillow.  
He reached his hand down but pulled away, not wanting to wake him. Instead he bowed down and pressed a hesitant kiss to his cheek. He nervously checked to see if he had stirred the boy. Lucky he remained silent and unmoving.

He slunk quietly out of the house, stepping out into the chill morning street while stifling a yawn. He made his way down the street and he slipped a key from his pocket and slotted it into the door of the Restoration Committee house. Upon entering he powered up the old computer, lit a fire in the ash ridden threshold of the stone fireplace and then exited again, leaving the door unlocked. Back down the street he trod until he heard his name called out to him.

"Cloud!"

He turned to greet Leon. "Good Morning."

"And to you too. It's good to see that you're up this early and not sleeping in again." Leon said with a slight smile.

"Forgive me, my priorities have been elsewhere."

"I'm kidding, there's no need to be so formal with me."

Cloud shrugged. "I know."

"Where are you heading then?"

"I..." he had been planning to go to a high ledge above the canyon to watch the sunrise. "Just a walk. Do you need me for something?"

"I might do. Where's Roxas?"

"I let him sleep, he's only young and he needs it."

"Also have you seen Cid?"

Cloud remained silent, thinking of Roxas, mind ticking over.

"Cloud?"

"Me and Roxas." he started.

Leon frowned. "What's happened between you two?"

"Nothing, we just both... have acknowledged what we…" Cloud rolled his head away, keeping the heat from his cheeks. He didn't enjoy talking to Leon about this.

Leon sighed woefully."Cloud remember what I said-"

"I know. And remember what **I** said, I'd rather this hadn't of happened. He's so young."

"Yes, but despite what both of us have said... there shouldn't be any problem with this. Not if you're both sure."

"Sure of what?"

"Each other, I guess."

"Yeah..." Cloud keep his eyes away, slightly embarrassed.

"But let's not talk about this; it's none of my business really." Leon continued promptly. "Do you think you can give a little extra hand on clearing out a path in those dusty old hallways to Ansem's room? It's taking far too long at the moment and we could really use you to speed it up."

On the inside Cloud groaned. Not that it showed. "Yeah, anything to help out." he agreed.

"Thanks, I'll send Yuffie over as soon as she's up."

Cloud nodded and turned to walk back down the road. "I should've just forgotten about the committee house and left straight away." he muttered to himself. As he passed his own house he looked up to the top loft window and smiled and his heart gave a twinge.

-------------------------

Bright light burned behind his eyes. He stirred, turning over and rubbing his lids. "Ugggh." he groaned into the pillow. He raised his head of messy blonde locks, his shining blue eyes flicking around. He rolled onto his side and saw that there were two beds pressed together. Then a sweep of warmth burned in his stomach and swept over his skin. Roxas hugged a pillow and his cheeks turned rosy with smiles. "Cloud-aheh."

After quickly changing he headed out, wondering where Cloud could possibly be. He decided he should be a bit annoyed at Cloud for leaving him by himself, but he couldn't really bring himself to be. He walked through the small house and out the door with a bit of a spring in his step, he felt like running and skipping and spinning and laughing and singing all at the same time. But what he wanted more then all of that was to find Cloud. He quickly straightened his hair by combing his fingers through it outside the Restoration Committee house. Just the possibility of his allusive man being on the other side of the door twisted his stomach tightly. He turned the handle with bated breath and tried his best to sweep gracefully into the room. He cast a sidelong glance and flashed his teeth in a quick, confidant smirk. Though his efforts in charming the room went to waste. The purpose for is suave actions wasn't even there. "Where's Cloud?" he asked immediately, the chic look vanishing from his face.

Aerith looked up from the tablecloth she was smoothing over the table."Hello Roxas." he smiled.

"You're up pretty late." Leon said.

"Am I? What's the time?" he asked, blinking with a blank look.

Cid spun in his chair at the computer. "Half one! Some of us have been up at the crack of dawn!"

"Yeah and you're not one of them." Leon retaliated.

"Cloud's with Yuffie working away into Ansem's lab." Aerith said while the two men quarreled. "Lunch is very soon though so you should hurry along if you want to make it back for some food."

"Thank you." he nodded, walking out.

He scolded himself for acting stupidly. Then he began laughing. He didn't know he had it in him to act alluring in order to impress anyone. The idea amused him.

Roxas then opened a portal in front of him and stepped through.

---

"Yuffie?"

"Yeah?"

"What's the time."

"1:25. Do you think we should head back for lunch now?"

"Yeah, come on."

---

Roxas stepped out in the first long corridor of the catacomb of halls. He paced through the place, being stopped by many blocks of rubble, He started to call out. "Cloud!?" But he never got a reply. He huffed, spinning on his heels and heading back. Perhaps if he hurried he could catch up to them on their way back. He navigated his way back out and stepped onto the large metal ramp. He walked up onto the platform that sat on the side of the castle and over looked the blue canyon. He crossed the length of the large metal structure. But then an unexpected voice sounded behind him. "Clou-...oh."

He turned his head over his shoulder.

"What do we have here?" the voice spoke again.

Roxas looked over to the person who was studying him. A tall man with strange black clothes. The most amazing sheet of sweeping silver hair whipped all down his back in the light breeze, while a long trail of it sat on each side on his thin face. A long black, flaring cloak and straps across his bare chest completed his rather sinister, but admittedly breath-taking look. Piercing acid eyes burned him even from a distance. "Hello..? What did you say about Cloud?" he asked the strange man.

"You look like him."

"A-and...Where did you come from?"

The man didn't answer, instead just stared through him. '_Uch. This guy is so... Creepy... I want to get closer but I also want to run... I can't do anything...I can't even move_…'

"You know Cloud, boy?" the man asked, his voice was smooth like a wave of velvet that rolled over his skin, leaving Goosebumps in its wake. He became even more unsettled.

"C-Cloud? Uhmm..." '_Cloud where are you?'_

The daunting man shifted, moving towards him. He turned to circle around him, studying him from all angles. He gave him a wide birth as he paced around him like a vulture. But he still felt close, far too close.

Roxas suddenly gapped as his eyes rested on the sword that sat at the mans belt. His eyes followed it for six...eight...ten...twelve feet.

Now he suddenly knew. The weapon that he carried, the talk of Cloud and the unnerving feelings that persistently plagued him…

"Sephiroth." The word that spilled from his very own mouth chilled his bones.

"Ah." the look on Sephiroth's face was a pleased one. "So you must know Cloud."

Roxas was overwhelmed with cold dread. How he wanted to be strong, how he wanted to stand up to Cloud's great enemy and speak confidant words into his face. He knew he never could. Instead he concentrated on keeping his face as straight as possible, but it was not easy while he also had to keep his eyes on Sephiroth's every move.

Roxas painfully remembered the sight of Cloud's body, sliced and bloodied. Such a strong man, reduced to a bleeding mess. He shook his head, attempting to dispel the image from his head. It didn't work. He stared in fear at the sword that had done that to his friend. It was unsheathed, bright and clean in the morning sun... for now.

His head snapped up to Sephiroth's pale face, suddenly realizing the man had stopped his pacing. His frightening green eyes thinned on him and began to roam all over his body, every inch of him drunken into acid wells. He felt sick; he hated people staring all over him. He always did.

"You're so quiet." A long smirk stretched up his gaunt cheeks. "What did Cloud tell you about me that's making you so frightened?"

Roxas's didn't deny his fear. "W-what do you want?"

"Me? I'd like for you to deliver a message to your friend Cloud for me."

Roxas finally felt his legs shift under him, stepping away.

Sephiroth watched his feet and instantly touched a hand to his swords hilt. In the spilt second it took for Roxas to start to frantically turn, Sephiroth crouched down and shot forwards.

The boy threw his arms up in front of him, his two keyblades materializing in his hands faster then they ever had before.

There was a loud clash and it took all of Roxas's strength to keep the blades clenched in his fingers."What's this?" the daunting man said, arching a slender eyebrow at his keyblades. Roxas looked down and saw the hilt of Sephiroth's massively long sword was pressed against his blades.  
"W-what?" the panic stricken expression on his face twitched when a drip of sweat rolled into his brow. "Why did you attack with the handle?!"

Sephiroth ignored him."Tell Cloud, if he waits too long, people will start dying."

Roxas hardly felt the grip on his arm before the crack and the surge of pain that swept into it. Before he could do anything a sheet of blood that rippled into small drops flew out in front of his eyes. The second he could distinguish where all the pain and blood was coming from he felt the hard hilt dig far into him. It felt as if it was going to tear right through his skin, and he flew back into the ground.

He hit the floor at the same time his keybaldes did, he knocked his head hard on the metal platform.

He gasped deeply, trying hard to draw breath back into his winded frame. And then steps… he could hear every step that Sephiroth made towards him in the cold metal. He didn't want to feel fear, anymore of it and he would be sick. Anymore terror and he'd start to wish for his own death. So he shut out his emotions, refusing to succumb to them and went into true Nobody mode. In one deep, shaky breath he forced himself into an empty void. Everything inside him stopped and he went blank.

Roxas attempted to bring his normal breathing back, but every breath hitched hard in his chest as he tried.  
He made to move his arm, but its bones were shattered. He tired to move the other one, but the deep cut up the length of the forearm limited its movements to painful twitches. He gave up and let the arm lay in blood that pooled from the wound. The warm crimson turned cold against the metal. He couldn't think of any words worth speaking, he couldn't think of anything.

Sephiroth stood over him, shadows stretched menacingly over his face. "Don't die on me now."

The velvety voice caressed his soul but he remained silent.

He turned his head when he felt something wet seep through the clothes on his side. Red soaked into the fabric. With some struggle he lifted his arm from the puddled blood and turned it to inspect the cut. "That's not good." he said, staring with much scrutiny at the flowing wrist. It felt hot and it pulsated with pain. He did his best to ignore it.

As he moved his legs Sephiroth pointed his swords tip at his knee. "Please don't stand for me. I think its better that you're just found here."

Roxas dropped his arm and pressed his fingers into the metal ground beside him. The floor turned to black and swirls of darkness curled up out of the ground.

"But I think its best I take my leave." he said the best he could with a winded body, avoiding Sephiroth's toxic eyes. He knew that if he looked into them, emotions would flow back. He quickly kicked the thin blade away and pushed his foot into the ground to flip himself over into the portal.

______________

For a while he lay on the smooth stones that paved the street, the portal he had conjured up evaporating around him. He was a mere meter from the house of the Restoration Committee and he could hear the chattering voices within. '_They must be having lunch.'_ He thought blankly '_I am hungry now that I think about it.'_  
He lay there, calmly thinking more things to himself. His mind was ticking slowly, repetitively, blankly, emotionlessly. Like a real Nobody. He felt a new pool of red liquid seep into his side again and still he didn't move. _'I shouldn't really disturb them during they're nice lunch.'_ He cast a glance to the deep gash up his forearm and the blood, shinning under the mid day sun. _'They'd lose their appetites.'_

He listened to their calm chatter. Mostly Yuffie boasting and laughing loudly while a few gruff comments came from Cid. Sometimes a kind remark from Aerith. Until…  
"How long ago did he leave?"

"Clou-!" the gasped word refused to be sucked down, stopping abruptly in his chest and making him choke. But upon hearing the muffled voice a rush of yearning had hit him. He had to see Cloud, to be with him and tell him how afraid he was, how much pain he was in, how happy he was to be in his arms and how much he loved him. At least that's how the scene played out in his head.

He drew in a breath as far as it would go in his pained gut and shouted. "CLOU-D!" he coughed into the pavement, his body violently rejecting the yell.

He heard chair legs groan against the floor as someone stood up.  
"Was that…" Yuffie's voice trailed off inside the house.  
He tried again. "CLO-AUH!" his chest resisted again and more painful chokes followed. It ached low down in his chest, above his stomach where Sephiroth's hilt had dug in.

There were fast footsteps coming to him now and he looked up, a breeze from the swinging door hitting his face.  
Two pairs of identical eyes connected. Cloud stood, frozen and yet starting to shake. His lips parted as his mouth slowly dropped a little.  
Roxas felt his lids burn and his vision blur. The entirety of the situation had sunk into him and he had to blink away tears. He'd never imagined, when Cloud first told him about Sephiroth, just how frightening he was. Just one look had endued so much terror into him. He hadn't been able to think of anything but the fear as those smirking eyes burrowed into his core.

Though the longer he stared at Cloud, the more it all seemed to wash away.

"Cloud?" Aerith said from somewhere behind him. "What is it?"

Roxas saw all the color had been drained from the mans face. "Hel-"he clutched his stomach. "-elp. Help."  
This seemed to snap Cloud out of his frozen stare. He dropped to the ground and crouched over Roxas. A knee sat by ether side of his pale body.  
Cloud's warm hands spread out on ether side of his face. He felt so safe and he smiled. He closed his eyes and just leaned a cheek into one hand.  
"Roxas! No don't close your eyes!" he practically shouted. Roxas's eyes flew open. He'd never heard Cloud so distressed. "I'm fine…" his winded frame had trouble drawing breath in. "… your hands are just so nice."

Cloud smiled, glad to hear that Roxas was okay despite how bad he looked. "What happened?"

"Hukg-ah…Sorry breathing is hard…" he croaked. "But before you get all worked up just remember that I'm okay… Hgkuk…ah…ugh…it was… Sephiroth."  
"What?!" Cloud yelled, one hand balling into a fist and slamming down next to Roxas's head.  
"No don't get angry…ah-" still he choked. "…I don't want you to be angry I just want you t- ahughk…"  
Cloud dipped down close to him, their foreheads touched together. "Want me to what?" he whispered.  
"Want you to be with me." He breathed, leaning up to brush their cheeks together. He felt Cloud's cheek getting hot against his. He closed his eyes. "I was so scared…" he quietly admitted.  
"It's okay now…"  
"Yeah." He gasped sharply. "Can I get healed now?"  
"Oh-oh! Yeah, sorry." He jumped up. Roxas saw that only Aerith stood outside of the door. She had ushered everyone else back inside, letting him and Cloud have their little moment. Roxas blushed.

"Aerith, we have plenty of potions I trust?" Cloud said, suddenly turning serious. Roxas smiled up at the man.  
"Of course." She nodded.  
"Okay, Roxas." Cloud started, kneeling down just by his side. "Where does it hurt?"  
The boy raised an eyebrow at the vast amount of blood still dripping from his drained arm. "Uhmm… I'm gonna have to say my arm hurts."  
The blonde man chuckled. "How about you just tell us what happened."

"Well… he attacked but I blocked. And…bu-…But then he broke my arm, I could hardly tell it was happening. I just felt his hands on my arm and then snap…" his breath grew shorter and shorter.  
"So he just snapped your arms with his hands?" Aerith asked sympathetically.  
"I think so…it was so fast I couldn't tell what was going on. Then he cut my arm like this and…" he paused to strain for more breaths.  
"Roxas…" Cloud held a pained look on his face, eyes saddened.  
"I'm winded… After he ruined my arms he shoved his swords handle into me."  
"Into your chest?" Aerith asked.  
"Yep…"  
Cloud nodded. "Where abouts?"  
Roxas put his fingers on the tender skin.  
"We'll check it out in a few hours once it's bruised, then we can tell how bad it is." Aerith said, turning to go inside to fetch a potion.  
He could hear everyone stand up and ask questions the second she was through the door.

"How did you get away?"

He looked up. The look on Cloud's face concerned him. "Portal."

Aerith slipped back through the door. "Okay." she said, kneeling down, her long hair sweeping against the ground. She uncorked a potion with her delicate hands. "What's wrong Cloud?" she suddenly asked. It seemed the tense look on his face troubled Aerith as well.  
"What if this doesn't work? When Sephiroth injured me he made sure I couldn't get healed again… what if he used the same technique with Roxas?"  
"We'll just have to find out."  
Roxas watched carefully as she poured a stream of the glittering liquid onto his arm. He could feel the wound heal up under the blood that covered it.  
"Better?" the woman chimed.  
"Yeah, thanks."  
"If your arm is broken then this should be more painful. Sorry Roxas."  
The second arm was doused in potion. This time he felt something shift within it, he winced. The broken bones scraped against each other and Roxas had to suppress a yell. He sighed when it suddenly stopped.  
"Do you think it's worth giving him some for his winded chest?" Cloud inquired.  
"I'm not sure…"  
"A potion wouldn't cure it, would it? It's just cramped up muscles."  
Aerith nodded. "That's true. It's best we wait for his diaphragm to relax its self."  
"Damn, I was looking forward to breathing properly again." Roxas muttered.  
"Don't complain." Cloud tried to smile. He reached down a hand and Roxas grabbed it. He heaved the boy up and pulled him against his chest.  
"I'm sorry you got caught up in all of this."  
Roxas tried his hardest not to rasp. "Not at all…"  
After those exchanges of words Cloud quickly stepped away. "The others deserve to see that you're okay." He said, guiding him through the door.

Cid and Yuffie sat around the table, lunch set out before them. The warm room looked strangely empty.  
"Roxas!" Yuffie jumped out of her chair.

"Yer a lucky kid." Cid said.

"Suppose." He shrugged.

"I think you might want swap your clothes." Aerith stood by him and took some of his stained shirt between her fingers. He almost wanted to stop her, her pristine skin looked so undeserving of filthy blood.  
He nodded but said nothing.  
"You a'right?" Cid said. "Yer as pale as a sheet."  
Yuffie rolled her light brown eyes. "Well what do you expect? All his blood is on his shirt!"  
"Try to show some consideration to the poor boy!"  
"Hey I-"  
"It's okay guys." Roxas intervened. "I just wanna…" he cast a glance to the door. "Go get changed and forget about this."

"Go on then boy."

"Cloud?" his small voice reached out to the man.  
"I'm right behind you."  
"That's good." Roxas said easing open the creaking door.  
He felt cold.


	15. Almost

Cloud lay over his bed, foot tapping. He prodded the sodden knees of his pants. "Hmph." He swung his legs over the bed and stood up, brushing his blonde fringe from his sight. He slid out of the stained, dark pants and dropped them by his heavy shoes. He peered into the dark closet that stood alone in the corner of the loft.

He felt fresh and untouched, warm shower water often had that effect on him. He kept an eye out for new pants, he felt he didn't want to be sweltering under thick clothes. The idea of sweat against his newly clean skin was undesirable to him. In a spur of the moment he grabbed one of the two pairs of shorts that he never thought he'd wear. Not only that, but he had picked the pair that wasn't black.  
A thin, faded pair of white shorts now sat high above his knees.  
Showing the true style of a man who wore the same thing everyday, he pulled off everything on his top half and paired the shorts with a long sleeved button up shirt with cuffs. At least it was white like the shorts.  
Most of the clothes that filled this closet were ones that Aerith had bought. Though it's certain she didn't intend for these two articles of clothing to be mismatched. But some how Cloud made the 'look' of covered arms and exposed legs look decent enough.

Feeling much freer in his light clothing he crawled back onto the bed, wriggling his toes amongst the bed sheets. He felt quiet juvenile but comfortable in his new attire.

He sat up when the distinct noise of footsteps came from the floor below. Slowly he padded to the trapdoor and opened it. "Roxas?" The ladder went rolling down on its rails and landed with a thump on the floor.

"Yeah." The boy acknowledged as he climbed the ladder up through the floor.

"You're still wearing your old bloody clothes." He noted.

"Yeah, I don't actually have anything else to wear." He said, shutting the door in the floor.

Cloud went to the closet, liking the sound that his bare feet made against the smooth wooden floor. He flicked through the items draped on the clothes hangers.  
All the way to one side hung a long black cloak and on the hangers next to it were Roxas's black t-shirt and pants that he'd arrived in Hollow Bastion in.  
Cloud may not go into this wardrobe much, but he never remembered seeing that cloak in there. Though he had seen it on that Zexion boy. He swept it out. "Roxas is this yours?"

"Oh! Oh god." Roxas frowned. "Yeah it's my Organization cloak."

"That explains it." Cloud pressed his nose into it for a second. "It smells like you."

Roxas laughed, wheezing slightly. Breathing was still proving difficult. "You okay Cloud?"

"It's you we should be worried about, not me." He said, hanging the cloak back.

Cloud retreated back to the bed and resumed to mindlessly staring through the glass. His back was propped up on the bed head, hands cupped behind his neck.  
Roxas changed quickly behind him. Getting back into his clean black t-shirt and pants.  
Cloud could read withdrawn confidence written all over his young face as he settled down next to him, legs crossed neatly on the bed.  
"I'm not sure what I'm going to do now." Cloud stated with no explanation.  
"What you're going to do? About what?"  
"Sephiroth is hitting me where it hurts."  
Roxas rolled his eyes, but behind the action was amusement. _'Hitting YOU… what about me then?'_ Not mouthing his thoughts he said. "You mean me?"  
"I mean the ones I love."  
Roxas couldn't keep the smile from twitching up his lips. He chuckled happily and glanced at Cloud from the corner of his eye.  
"I see that." The man teased, still not drawing his head away from the window.

There was a sudden silence that left them inside their own heads. Both were evidently thinking of the same thing.

"I never even thought there was anyone that could stand up to you… someone as powerful as you are." Roxas drummed his fingers on his cheek. "But now I see why he is your enemy and why you're…cautious of him."  
"I'm not afraid of him." Cloud said, picking up on the way Roxas had politely covered the word scared with 'cautious.' "Just of what he will do."  
"To the ones you love?"  
"Yes. Do you remember if you ever mentioned anything to him about our closeness? Anything about us relationship wise? Does he even know that you know me?"  
Roxas reluctantly thought back. What had they said? He definitely was aware that he knew Cloud. He remembered that voice, cold and smooth like marble. 'Ah so you do know Cloud.' What had made him say that?  
"When I said Sephiroth's name without him telling it to me… then he thought that I must know you." Roxas said slowly.  
"Anything else?"  
Had anything been said about how well he knew Cloud? He pondered, a finger slipping absentmindedly into his mouth. He sucked on his finger and thought. Until his quivering eyes were counting the feet of that sharp sword, his brow was sweating and he watched his own blood fly out in front of his face… venomous green eyes opened into a lethal stare.

His hands flew to his face and a shaky cry tumbled from his open lips. Something had been triggered.  
Cloud saw it immediately. "Roxas!" Cloud turned onto his side and put his hands on the boy.  
Roxas squeezed his eyes shut, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. "I'm afraid of him… and what he'll do…" he quavered.

"Open your eyes and look at me…Roxas." Cloud said strongly, his insides acting the very opposite to his voice.

"I…" he gasped, chest choking up. This made him panic further. "I-Ugm..I can't breathe!" he clutched at stomach where he'd been hit.  
"Look at me Roxas!" Cloud didn't shake him and instead took the boys face in his hand. "Roxas... Love!"

"Auh!" he stared up at Cloud finally, stomach aching but his breathing slowed. Unblinking, relaxing blue eyes calmed him. They were the intense blue of the sea that claimed the reefs around the dock of a sandy island. An island dotted with palm tree perfection. Sora's home. His home. "I want to go there one day." He said blankly.

"Rox…You're okay?" Cloud wound his arms around the boys' sides, spreading his fingers on his boney back.

"Yes." He nodded, suddenly not sure which eye to look at. He had drawn himself in close enough that he couldn't tell which one he should pay attention to. He slid his head over Cloud's shoulder.

"You freaked out…"

He shook his head, banishing all bad thoughts from his brain. "How could I just lose it like that?"

"But you're alright now?"

Roxxas laughed nervously. "Aheheh. Yeah you calmed me down… it was your eyes…you called me 'love'."

Cloud nodded and smiled. But when Roxas laughed nervously, he could see a drop in his face. "You're still afraid." Cloud stated.

Roxas wheezed but and said nothing.

"Don't let it get to you, please. It's not worth giving into… it used to torture me endlessly."

"How'd you manage?"

"Barely. But it's stopped since…" he trailed away and chuckled a little. The boy eyed him suspiciously.  
"Whaaat?"  
He squeezed Roxas's hands and played with his small fingers in his own. "Since I meet you."

"Really…?" he tilted his head, biting his lip to stop his smile.

He nodded slowly and watched those sweet little fingers curl and wind around in his hand. Once again he started to understand how he had let himself slip. How he'd managed to depart Riku's presence with a knife of envy in his hand every time. Pulling the burning blade away as it tried to pierce his heart.  
He spited himself for it. Every shy glance that spilled from young Roxas's eyes. All the smiles that Riku had coaxed from him. He cursed every moment that he caught himself catching a glance. All the smiles he watched himself watching.  
He began to understand how he let himself feel something as disgusting as envy. Though it was no kind of envy for Riku. Simply his charm, his cool charisma and natural grace. Not to mention his soft, shiny looks. Just everything that Roxas found worthwhile to ignore Cloud for.  
He was loosing his friend as soon as he'd gained him. And that's when he recognized the hurt. That familiar pain. The blade that had destroyed him at Zack's death was now easing slowly into him once more.

Cloud rubbed his temples. He thought about battles too much. There wasn't one surge of pain that he couldn't think of as a blade anymore. Physical or emotional.  
He just tried to smile and look to Roxas. Relishing in the small moment.

For he understood how he'd managed to throw all caution to the wind and fall for this boy. At first he hadn't even realized it, and when it finally hit him he had no understanding of how it could've possibly happened. But a fleeting catch of the eye and a shy perking smile that was all for him... then everything was thrown upside down and he suddenly couldn't see how he had resisted for so long.  
How dare Sephiroth so much as touch young Roxas.

He'd been staring for a while. "…Stay close to me at all times okay?"

"Huh?"

"I'm going to protect you from Sephiroth. He won't hurt you." Cloud fingered the boys' hair.

"I know." Roxas bit his lip.

"You're still nervous…"

"…Yes but… I don't need to be right? You won't let him near me?" he asked to reassure himself.

He chuckled. "Of course not."

Roxas advanced on him, making him draw back instinctively. The boy put his hands on Cloud's legs and crawled into his lap.

"Roxas?"

The young blonde bowed into his chest, expecting arms to fall around him. And they did. He sat, huddled in a warm hug. He could get used to this.  
He buried his nose into the man's neck. He smelt clean. He wondered what he washed his body and hair with; he wanted to use it too so that he'd be able to smell Cloud everywhere he went. As he began to try and describe the allusive sent to himself, something else came to mind.  
"Where was Leon? I saw him before but he wasn't at lunch."  
"He went out on patrol."  
Roxas drew back. "We have patrols?"  
"No. Leon just thinks we should, and since no one goes he does it himself."  
He laughed. "Sounds like Leon."  
"Yeah…I told him this morning that we're…that we had…"  
"Uhm…. Confessed? Kind of…" he tried to find the right word.  
"Yes."  
He felt fingers on his chin, sliding up to his cheek. He shuffled in Cloud's lap. "Am I squishing you?"  
"No."  
"Okay…" He pulled away from the hand that touched him and reached up to link his arms behind Cloud's neck. He looked up into his face and Cloud looked down on his. A sigh was breathed onto his face. "What is it?" he asked.  
"Nothing."  
"No… what is it?"  
Cloud leaned down and touched his nose to Roxas's. "Nothing really." He said.  
The way Cloud had smiled after he'd said it only made Roxas more suspicious. "You're teasing me." He said, poking his tongue out.  
"No, you're just thinking that there's something when there isn't." he said, bringing his face back to shake the hair from his eyes.  
"I didn't trust that sigh. What are you thinking about?"  
Cloud stayed silent as he stared him down and then dipped back down to let the tips of their noses meet again. Cloud must not have been paying much attention this time because their noses slipped past each other. His name was whispered over his lips from mere inches away. It was then that Roxas realized it was no mistake. "Roxas…"

It was as if all the blood swept out of him and he turned cold. Cloud's nose brushed his cheek. He could feel the warm air against his skin.  
When Roxas looked sheepishly over at Cloud's eyes, he found they were watching him with much curiosity.  
The young blonde tightened his arms around the mans neck, inching them into what space there was left between them. It seemed every part of them was touching save one.  
His lashes curled on Cloud's skin when he closed his eyes, hoping things would come naturally to him if he did.

But instead when he closed his eyes, images flashed before his lids._**  
A tall midnight blue castle and a ballroom lit with a large, golden candelabrum. It hung from the ceiling. And hidden from its light behind a pillar, two figures conversed.  
"Everything. Everything that he said about Roxas is…"  
He shifted his arms on the pillar behind the young brunettes head. "Everything is…what, Sora?"  
The boy smiled. "Everything that Cloud had said about him is what I've felt for…you."  
The smile he got in return was not much bigger, but many emotions radiated from it. One being relief. "I'd wondered how long it would take you."  
"Oh, but I was waiting for you."  
The older paused for a moment, reading the gleam in his eyes. "…If Cloud said to you that he felt he loved Roxas and wanted, more then anything to be able to put that smile on his face everyday…then I'd have to…"  
They kept their gaze and it was beautiful the way their lips found each other. Surreal…perfect. In a magnificent ballroom on a clear starry night.  
Sora found a gap in which to sigh contently. "R**_-iku…"

"What?"

Roxas's eyes inched open. "Uhmm…what?" he released Cloud's neck and sat back into his lap. He dreaded the thought that he had spoken that name aloud… but he knew he had.

"You said…Riku?"

"No I…" he stopped right there. It was stupid to deny it. He sighed, a much more troubled sigh compared to Sora's one. "I saw him again…I saw Sora."

"You did? It's been so long since you had any visions of him…. Hasn't it?"

"Yeah." He had just screwed up the most important moment possible between them. Surprisingly he felt no guilt, instead he felt saved…Now he felt guilty for feeling saved.  
He looked up somberly into Cloud's eyes.

"You feel bad don't you?"

"And embarrassed." He felt the sudden urge to cry.

"Don't." he said kindly.

"But… I saw Sora and Riku in a big nice castle room that was all perfect and pretty and Sora said that he loved Riku… in a really sweet way and Riku looked all charming and perfect and then they…" he gulped deeply. "They kissed and it was…perfect."  
It struck him hard. What a fairytale time they were having, living in a dream. They had had the perfect kiss. Why is it that all he got was awkward situations and uncomfortable looks?

Cloud chuckled, only a usual, brief chuckle at first. But it escalated and he was laughing loudly and shaking his head. What was so funny?  
"Oh Roxas. Don't think everything will be so perfect, you'll only get disappointed. Just let things happen." The man tucked his hair behind his ear for him and smiled.  
Roxas still was not satisfied. "Why were you laughing?"

"Because you're cute." His lips rose higher.

It was the largest smile he'd ever seen on Cloud. It made him look so young and it suited him beautifully.

It made Roxas think and tilt his head like a small dog in wonder. "How old are you Cloud?" How could he have gone so long without even thinking about his age?  
And suddenly Cloud's smile disappeared along with his youth. "I…" Some look of guilt spread over him and he began to fidget with his hands.  
Roxas couldn't see what was wrong. "Did I say something?"  
"Oh no, no not at all. It's only… my age compared to yours. The distance doesn't make me feel all that… comfortable with what I've done."  
He raised an eyebrow. He thought it was a bit of a harsh thing to say but he shrugged it off. "What do you mean?"  
"I'm too old for you, Roxas."  
The boy looked disheartened. It made Cloud feel obliged to kiss his cheek. So he did. "You should've met some nice boy like yourself and had one of those young, teenaged romances that everyone is supposed to have."  
The boy turned to him. "But I do right no-…You're not a teenager?" he seemed surprised.  
He shook his head and looked guilty again.  
"Well… Young love doesn't last long right? It never does. So why bother with it? I can have you." Cloud could tell Roxas was trying to make him feel better.  
He shrugged.  
"Cloud…?"  
"Yeah?"  
"How old are you?" he asked again, eyes locked.  
"….Twenty two."

Roxas forced his face to remain straight, but his brain raced. _Shit, I thought he was 19 at the most… he looks so young._ Then he suddenly felt very pleased with himself. _Wow! A 22 year old. You really outdid yourself Roxas. _And then he remembered something.  
"Didn't you say Zack was older then you?"  
"Yeah…"  
Roxas smirked. "How much older?"  
"He was twenty three…"  
The boy laughed when he saw the beginnings of a blush rise on Cloud's face. Cloud blushing was a rarity. "And you were…?"  
"…Sixteen."  
"HA! It's exactly the same! You hypocrite!"  
Cloud quickly counted in his head. "No, there's eight years between us. There was seven years between me and Zack."  
"No… I'm fifteen and you just said you're twenty two. Seven years."  
Cloud frowned, eyes flicking quickly between Roxas and the ceiling. "I thought you said you were fourteen." He shrugged. "My mistake."  
"Oh well I probably was fourteen when I told you that."  
"What!? Your birthday has passed?"  
Roxas couldn't see the problem. "Sora's birthday has, so that technically makes me a year older too."  
"You don't celebrate your birthday at all?" he asked.  
"Nope. You humans are so sentimental." He laughed.  
"When was it?"  
Roxas thought for a second. "Four days ago. But it's no big deal. We usually acknowledge the day we became a Nobody, but it's not something to exactly have a party about…"  
Cloud held him closer, breathing in the smell of his skin.

The man caught the proud look Roxas had as he leant against him.  
"What's that for?"  
"I'm just impressed."  
"At what?"  
The boy smiled slyly. "Myself." He announced, sticking his nose in the air.  
"Do I want to know why?" he asked, pulling back the boys fringe and running it through his fingers.  
"Yes. I've made it with a twenty two year old. That's pretty damn impressive."  
Cloud huffed. "Don't be so proud about it."  
"Why not?" he turned to him with a questioning glance.  
"It makes me look bad… I feel a bit guilty…" he squirmed.  
Roxas shrugged dismissively. "I don't see the big deal. But if you have a problem with it you can just leave me."  
Cloud gently pushed Roxas from his lap. The boy lay on his back, face looking innocently at his. "Don't say such things. You know I wouldn't do that." He muttered.  
"Yeah." Roxas turned his head to stare out the window and smile. "I know."


	16. Pleasure to Pain to Pleasure

Roxas stretched out over the bed. His eyes followed Cloud so carefully that he could've counted every blink. The man leant over him, planting one hand next to his hip on the bed. When his fingers slipped under Roxas's shirt he gulped.

Cloud knew the expression on the boys face without looking at it, in fact he was making sure not to look at his face. It would make him feel even more awkward then he already did. So he concentrated down on Roxas's abdomen. He lifted his shirt.  
Roxas craned his head over his chest when he heard Cloud gasp sharply. "Is it bad?"  
The older blonde pulled a face. "It's pretty big." He said, fingers hovering just above the discolored skin. The bruise was a circle of purple and black sitting just above his belly button. If the had been attacked any higher then it would of hit and broken his ribs. "Can you feel it at all? Does it hurt?"  
"A little…it hurts more when I bend over."  
"Only a little?" Cloud wondered whether Roxas was just trying to be brave. "It's very dark and purple and looks rather sore. No wonder you were so badly winded."  
"Yeah and I do still wheeze a lot and sometimes I can't breathe in."  
"When you're winded your muscles do sudden convulsions when you try to breathe. And a potion won't fix that, same with disease." Cloud pulled his shirt back down after one quick last look.

Roxas sat up and turned around, eyes travelling to the sky outside the large pane of glass. "It looks like it's getting late again." He said, wheezing as he drew breath.  
"It is."  
"What a waste of a day." He sighed.  
"Come on we should help with dinner." Cloud said, pulling Roxas off the bed.

Helping with dinner consisted of being shouted at endlessly by Cid about what do to. It also involved getting burned by almost everything. Roxas had never cooked anything in his life. Everything he used to get was in packets or cans. The most he'd ever had to do was heat things by pressing buttons. He never realized so many things could be so searing hot.  
"Roxas!" Cid yelled for the tenth time.  
"What am I doing wrong NOW!?" he spun around, the look on his face absolutely feral.  
"Yer' getting in my way!" he said, holding a steaming pot of noodles. "Get lost."  
"Fine I will!" he huffed, walking out of the kitchen and sitting crossed legged on the sofa to nurse his burns. He heard voices carry on talking in the next room.  
"That boy of yers' Cloud."  
"Give him a break, he's only fifteen, he's not supposed to be good at everything."

By the time they had transported all the food out of the kitchen in Yuffie's house to the large table in the committee house it was completely dark. When the meal started Roxas found that once his stomach had started to fill with warm food his eyes grew heavy. The conversations around him turned to a deep buzz in his ears. He wasn't sure how he'd gotten tired, he'd done hardly anything today. Maybe his mind was so eager to get the day over with and just forget everything that had happened.  
His head become heavy and sore. He was swaying in his chair by the last bite. When he swayed just a little bit too far to the left he bumped into something. He looked up into Cloud's half-smiling face.  
"It's you…" Roxas murmured.

Cloud didn't say anything as he picked the boy up off the chair, nestling him securely in his arms. Gently he deposited Roxas on a sofa in the room and then went back to the table. An hour on and Cloud was still at the table, swirling wine at the bottom of a wide glass and talking with Leon, who had been at dinner.

"Seven years?"  
"…Yeah."  
Leon leaned back and scratched his neck. "I thought you were younger then that. I've assumed your age but I've never asked."  
"Surely you must have thought I was around the same age as yourself."  
"Yeah I did."  
Silence.  
Leon coughed.  
Cloud blinked.  
"…How old are you?" The blonde asked.  
"I'm seventeen, Cloud."  
More silence ensued.  
Leon laughed. "You thought I was in my twenties?"  
"Yeah, you look it. I wouldn't have any problems if it was you because you at lest look and act a bit beyond your years."  
"……Yeah Roxas would love that."  
_Damn wine_ Cloud thought. "W-when I said I wouldn't mind I meant- uh. You know that's not what I was…implying. I just meant if-if Roxas looked a bit older then…uhm. You know."  
Lucky Leon had been laughing the whole time.  
"I'm glad you find this amusing." He eyed his glass. "I hate this stuff."  
"And it hates you too." Leon grinned.

"Ah-uhmm."

Cloud turned in his chair. "Did you hear that?" he asked, pointing to Roxas's sleeping form.  
"Yeah, he's been mumbling in his sleep for a while."  
"I thought I might have been imagining it…" He watched the boys face. His brow twitched and he looked pretty tense.  
"We haven't had _that_ much, Cloud."  
After one hard stare he turned back. He held his forehead in his hand in thought.  
"Something wrong?"  
Cloud winced when Roxas groaned again in his sleep. "Did you hear about what happened today?"  
"…I don't think so. What happened?"  
"Roxas had a run in with Sephiroth today."  
"With… is he okay?!"

The boy gasped and wheezed, his winded body contracted.

"…I suppose Aerith's told you all about Sephiroth... Roxas managed to escape but he was badly injured."  
Leon shook his head in disbelief. "How did he get away?"  
"I don't think Sephiroth wanted him dead, I think he wanted to send some kind of warning to me. Anyway, Roxas had a bit of a panic attack before. It seems Sephiroth is messing with his head, something he's done to me often."  
The brunette's eyes flicked to Roxas. "You think that's what's happening now?"  
"It wouldn't surprise me."  
"Should we wake him?"  
"…I don't know. It might just make him afraid of going back to sleep. Better a troubled sleep then none at all."  
"I guess… I must apologize Cloud. I was beginning to doubt the existence of this Sephiroth of yours."  
"It's alright."  
"How bad was he?"  
"Injured?" Cloud inquired.  
"Yeah."  
"One arm had a long deep wound, the other was broken. Also he was winded, Sephiroth had apparently hit him hard in the stomach with a swords' hilt. The bruise he has is not pretty and he's been winded ever since."  
"…You mean he's still struggling with breathing?"  
"Yes."

As if on queue, the boy gasped and he was fighting to breath normally while moans of discomfort also pursued.

Leon looked troubled all of a sudden and he stared over Cloud's shoulder, watching Roxas intently. " He looks very pale…But you gave him a potion right?"  
"For his arms yes, but it would have been a waste on his stomach because it would've had no effect." Cloud explained.

Leon stood, his hands slamming down on the table. His chair flew back and clattered against the floor. "You …didn't?!"  
"What? Giving a potion when it's not required can be unhealthy. We can't have his body depending on potions all the time." By the time he had finished his sentence Leon was crouched over Roxas. "He's awake…Roxas!" Cloud joined him by the sofa. "Calm down Leon. There can't be anything wrong, his stomachs been fine up until now. It's got to be Sephiroth again."  
"I really don't think so."

Roxas was squealing and he squirmed, eyes clamped shut. He opened his mouth to say something. "I-" he retched forwards and a flow of blood poured from his mouth. Leon didn't jump back when it all splattered into his lap. Cloud was shocked. "H-how could Spehiro-"  
"-Don't be so naïve! Get a potion!" Leon ordered him. He did as he was told, running to the cupboard and trying to ignore the retching sounds coming from Roxas. The younger man forced the boys eyes open and studied them with a frown. Then he snatched the potion that Cloud had returned with. He cupped Roxas's head in his hand, lifting it up. "Roxas drink this for me okay?" Leon had to hold the scruff of his neck tightly as he began to thrash around, tears coming down in streams. "Calm down, Roxas. I know it hurts, calm down!"

Cloud stood helplessly, fear gripping him. This was not Sephiroth's work. What could be wrong? Leon seemed very worried so it must be serious, but there wasn't anything he could do. "Cloud." Leon turned to him sharply. "I can't get him to calm down and drink."  
Perhaps there was something he could do. He took Leon's place, kneeling next to Roxas's thrashing body. Blood dribbled from his mouth and he whined and whimpered. Cloud stayed strong and didn't let himself panic. He was handed the potion. "Roxas…" he called, not daring to touch him incase it startled him.  
"Ng…Gagh."  
"Shhhhh. Leon grab his hand."  
"Okay…"  
"Now Roxas please don't move your body around, just squeeze Leon's hand okay? As much as it hurts, squeeze his hand that hard. Just don't move."  
Immediately Leon's hand came under attack, blunt nails digging into him. Still Roxas's body twisted, but only slowly. Cloud poured some of the bottle into his hand.  
"Come on Roxas." Leon encouraged. At this the boy cracked open his eyes. His gaze was so distant and his pupils were dilated. "That's right." Cloud said and held his potion-filled hand to the boy's lips. "Drink Roxas…love."  
"Hmgh-'kay…" The boy slowly brought his mouth open; he looked like he was screaming silently with the pain creasing his eyes. Cloud tipped the potion out of his cupped palm and into Roxas's mouth, along with the rest from the bottle. In mid-gulp he saw the young blonde retching forwards again and the man quickly covered his mouth with his hand to stop any of the precious potion being brought up. He saw the strain in his eyes as Roxas forced it back down his throat and Cloud took his hand away, fingers dripping with green and red that had escaped the others lips.

"He's stopped squeezing." Leon informed him. Roxas turned over, away from them and hugged his knees to his stomach. Cloud stroked his back, hoping to remind his friend that he was still here for him. "What just happened?"  
"I think it was his stomach where he was struck. I'm pretty sure he just went into shock."  
"But how? He's been fine up till now." Cloud persisted.  
"If he was hit hard enough he would've been bleeding internally. He might not have felt it but if he bleeds enough then…well…" he gestured to Roxas. "That happens."  
Cloud looked up at him, distressed. "I let that happen?"  
"Oh, don't start. I know you and you're going to find someway to blame yourself for this. Stop it. There's not much way you could've known. I'm studying this stuff to keep you guys safe."  
Cloud caressed Roxas even more tenderly. Cloud heard Roxas mumble and wanted nothing more then to turn the boy over to see his face but he was too afraid of hurting him. "Thank you, Leon."  
"How does he feel?"  
"What?"  
"His skin, what does it feel like?"  
"Oh." He moved his fingers to the back of his neck. "Sweaty."  
"Cold at all?"  
"…Just a little."  
"He's getting better." Leon could tell that the silence from Roxas concerned Cloud. "He'll be fine. I promise."  
"Okay…What do we do now?"  
"I don't feel very good about him facing away like that where we can't see him." Leon said, slithering a hand under Roxas and turning him over. He then put the back of his hand on the young ones cheek. Cloud was already fidgeting slightly when Leon peeled the boys' shirt back. Cloud felt something unpleasant rise within him, something that wanted to pull Leon away from Roxas or yell at him to stop touching the boy. "Roxas…"  
Leon mistook it as a whine of concern. "Don't worry his abdomen doesn't look too bad…"  
"There was a large bruise there before, it must have healed a bit."  
Leon pressed his fingers into Roxas's skin at different points all over his stomach and chest, eyes flicking quickly between the boys' expanse of bare skin and his drained face. Cloud looked away, hoping to calm the disgusting feeling growing in his stomach.

Then a large breath was let out of Roxas's body along with a moan. "….Ow."  
Cloud turned back, suddenly excited. "Does it hurt?" Leon asked.  
"No…" Roxas trailed off and said nothing more.  
"Roxas! Stay with me, what's wrong?!"  
Cloud panicked.  
"Nothing's wrong… I'm just so tired." He mumbled, eyes remaining shut.  
Leon launched into a rally of questions. "Who am I?"  
"Leon…"  
"What did we just have for dinner?"  
"Soup and stuff…"  
"Are you in any pain?"  
"No… now let me sleep, Leon."  
The man seemed satisfied "His stomach is fine and his mind is okay from the shock. He's perfectly fine."  
Cloud dropped onto his knees next to the couch. Relief swept away his guilt. He smiled. "Thank goodness."  
Roxas opened his eyes when he heard that voice. "Cloud!" The older blonde came to him, pulling a knee onto the sofa and leaning over him. "You're here…"  
"Of course I am, Roxas… as long as you're here too." Cloud wasn't going to deny that he had feared for the others life.  
Roxas took one look at Cloud's somber face and cupped his hands to the mans' cheeks, just like Cloud often did to him. "Rox…" he watched those young eyes that were upon him, dancing over him with much interest.  
"Oh no I've worried you… You're crying." Roxas said, smudging cold tears into his thumbs. "Or you were crying."  
Cloud was surprised and he chuckled. "I didn't notice."  
"You look very beautiful. When you cry as well…" He said distantly, eyes getting lost within the mans' face. Cloud pressed a hand to his forehead, checking for fever.  
"I'm not delirious. I'm okay." Roxas sat up slowly, putting an arm around his neck and kissing his cheek very gently.  
Cloud cradled the young boy in his arms before gently laying him back onto the sofa. Roxas let his arm fall limply away from his neck and the boys' eyes fell closed. Cloud saw his face and the healthy color returning to it. He felt the even breathing beneath him. And he knew it was going to be okay. _Thank god… what if he turned out like…Zack? I can't possibly handle something like that again. Not to Roxas…not Roxas… _He felt insanely desperate to keep Roxas, to not let a thing in the world touch him.

He tried to be cautious for his boy, but he was so overwhelmed, there wasn't much in this world that could've stopped him. He held Roxas's cheek, dipped down and let his relief flow from his lips to the boys'. He tasted blood on Roxas. Everything inside him felt as if it was pulled tight and he ached with affection that deepened with every second he lingered against the boys' lips. When Roxas's mouth twitched suddenly beneath his, he held a hand on the young blonde's shoulder and realized how tense he was.  
The reality of it all caught up with him and he shrunk away. Like a small, colorful flower in reverse, he bowed his head and pulled back as his cheeks bloomed.

Roxas's lids hung heavily over his eyes as he watched Cloud shrink in on himself. "I'm-uh…I'm sorry Roxas, I don't know what came over me I just…" Cloud returned to him, hands reaching for him but not bearing to touch him.  
"…Where's Leon?"  
"I-ah!" he stared around, Leon was nowhere to be seen. Had he really managed to slip out of the room silently? "I don't know…"  
"Cloud…" Roxas whispered. The boy took one of his hesitating hands and placed it onto his neck.  
"Is your stomach okay?"  
"It feels just fine."  
Cloud took his hand off Roxas's neck and guided it under the boys' black shirt. He touched the grey mark with the delicateness of a petal. But that simple sweep of a touch ignited unpleasant feelings within him. The bruise was like a shadow of the past that refused to be shifted, forever lingering on his skin. Cloud's hands balled around Roxas's shirt as he held it up. Some kind of emotional strain must have been reflected on his face. "What is it Cloud? Is it still bad?"  
The man shook his head slowly at the question "I have to kill him Roxas…"  
"You…"  
"He's become too much of a threat to everything I have." He dared his thumb to contact the sensitive flesh. As they're skin slid together Cloud looked up to read the boy's expression. Cloud's eyebrows lifted in slight surprise to find Roxas's eyes were tensely closed and he clenched the side of his bottom lip between his teeth.  
He wasn't sure what to make of this reaction, so he dipped down and lightly graced Roxas's stomach with a kiss.

The heated breath Cloud breathed onto the wet mark as he pulled away made Roxas's shiver. The man went back to Roxas's face with his eyes for a second, then pulled his whole body up so their heads rested beside each other, Cloud's deep in a couch pillow. Roxas turned and imitated Cloud kiss on his stomach but against the mans' ear. The older blonde closed his eyes in lack of knowing what do to as Roxas's mouth folded around his soft lobe.

The two shifted together and exchanged matching smiles and affection for each other.

Cloud had never known such a deep feeling and warmth. Their mouths kept coming together and his chest kept swelling and making his head spin. Roxas was quite some angel that brought all these wondrous things upon him. He felt as if he was going numb from the heat instead of cold, and all he could make out through the fog was Roxas. Coming to heal him, coming to save him, coming to clean everything away, making him into someone different that he didn't recognize.

Roxas slipped away from one of Cloud's embracing kisses, but remaini ng in his safe hold and keeping his hands up Cloud's shirt, on his warm back.  
The man held the boy against him as he turned onto his back, letting Roxas settle on his chest, head in the crook of his neck. Hazy sleep spilt their thoughts apart from each other. For a second one of them would be brought back to take a kiss from a still mouth, stirring the others sleepy lips. Roxas mainly practiced this; his mind was troubled with the burden of not knowing if he would be brave enough to do this in the morning. He feared it was a lucky night that spiked his courage and brought them together. Cloud's head was much more at ease, knowing that there would be many more of these moments. He was not content with the amount of kisses he'd taken from and given to Roxas this night.


	17. Still

A breath of consciousness swept back to his body when he was tipped to one side. He stirred rather delicately for a teenaged boy. A light moan and a quick tense of his fingers saw him coming back from a long night of sleep.

Cool air brushed over his arms, coaxing goose bumps to the surface of his skin. He turned over, determined to ignore the draft. He swirled his tongue inside his mouth, chasing away the dryness on his lips and tongue. He frowned into the rusty taste of blood and something else.

Roxas cracked open his eyes, smudging his palms into his lids and tousling his hair back. He rose up on his elbows to find himself on a sofa. Upon spotting the yellowish brown puddle of dried blood the night's events flowed back to him like memories spilling through a crack in an unreachable bowl of his mind. The realization sure hit him as sobering as water in the face. He would've blushed if someone else were around, but as it was just him he smiled lazily to himself. The puking blood hadn't been much to smile about, but he would've done it all over again just to relive the moments after that.

But then where was Cloud? His departure must have been what stirred Roxas. So where was he going? Why?  
He parted with the comfy couch and stepped through the door that was left swung open. Cloud must have been in a hurry if he didn't close the door, or maybe he didn't want to wake him?

Roxas didn't have the capacity to be angry, he was too curious as to why, he could judge later once he knew the reason.

It was eerily silent outside; the creak of the door on its open hinges was the loudest thing to be heard. Mist gathered at his mouth with his breath. Bumps layered his arms like a second skin now, the harsh cold nip rendering the sunlight of the morning useless. Birds had gone quiet although it should have been ideal for them to sing.

Roxas felt as if frozen in time and at peace. As much as he would've liked to stand there he pressed on, curiosity taking him away from the quiet square.  
He began to notice that every corner he turned found him in more silence. It was like the world had been plunged deep underwater, where not sound can reach and everything drifts slowly, lifelessly.

He arrived at the Bailey, resting a hand on the thick sill of the open window that overlooked the vast expanses of blue rock. His scan on the land was quick as two figures caught his eye. They were just walking. Roxas could pick out the strong blonde of Cloud's hair right away. The other figure had a long sheet over silvery white that caught the light like a mirror.  
"Shit…"  
They disappeared into the sheltered rocks where the lucid blue crystals sheltered up the stone walls. Roxas blinked and then sprinted.

He didn't remember the scenery blurring past as he ran. The cold met his face welcomingly, whipping at his cheeks until they showed a deep pink flush.  
If it really was Sephiroth then he didn't want to be anywhere near him. The memory made him slow his feet and wonder why he was running head on into danger. The long blade haunted his brain as if he could feel it splitting his skin apart, sinking slowly, torturously into his flesh. He stopped and clung to a rock wall. The canyon fell deep and hazardous on the other side of the path that he stood on.

Sickening bile chased away the taste of blood from his tongue. Venomous green eyes burned behind his lids like potent acid, eating his sanity away. The sting of warm tears on his icy cheeks told him he was crying.  
He hadn't cared before. What was happening to him?  
He remembered Cloud telling him that Sephiroth did things like this; hurt you through your head, your thoughts, and your dreams. Roxas had never fully understood it till now. And it hurt. He felt sorry for Cloud but not as much as he felt pity for himself right now. But it seemed to be subsiding. The feeling of vomit pushing up on this throat calmed. He swallowed deeply and it was gone completely. Thoughts of Cloud helped. The man had such a relaxing voice and he could almost hear it now.

And if he stood here, trembling against a rock he risked loosing that voice forever. His man was in trouble. He had to go. He didn't plan on letting Cloud face it alone. If he died when Roxas could've done something he'd never forgive himself.

He smashed his fist into the stone, grazing and cutting his knuckles on the sharp rock. He grabbed it, squeezing it tightly, and forcing blood through the small splits in his skin. The pain cleared his head. He'd much rather weep over a hand then get swallowed whole by his own brain.

He pelted off again, blood warming his hand. He slowed at the fissure in the stone with the crystals dancing light along the walls. Nothing was there. He pushed on.

They were standing at the large ledge that overhung the canyon and gave a wide view of the crumbling castle. They stood as if they were two friends just causally strolling and talking. Sephiroth looked casual enough but Cloud's body was tight, jaw stiff like he was a puppet whose strings were pulled taught to breaking point.

Cloud turned to the panting boy, whose eyes were glued, glassy and unreadable to Sephiroth.  
"Roxas."  
The boy quivered and panted for the chilly air. His cheeks were red and raw, sleek marks of dried tears lined his face. Both hands were wet with blood which webbed almost artistically over his fingers in thin rivulets. "What happened to your hands?"

"N-nothing." He mumbled noncommittally.

"Get out of here." Cloud said.

"No."

"I'm not having his argument with you." Cloud said angrily. Not doubt, no fuss and no room for dispute.

Roxas objected anyway. "Not without you."

"I'm not loosing you too for fucks sake!"

Roxas was startled and finally looked at Cloud.

"I shouldn't have to swear to get you to listen to me."

Sephiroth laughed, low and rhythmically. It would've almost been charming if it didn't make Roxas want to throw up. "You're like a parent disciplining your child. I know you don't like to let your friends have any fun but this is ridiculous."

"Leave." Cloud ordered Roxas.

"…Why?"

"You know why."

Sephiroth joined in again. "Or do you just favor this one? Looks like I choose the right one to bait you with. Or maybe…"

Roxas turned back to the nightmare that was Sephiroth. "What?" He asked timidly.

"He's afraid." Sephiroth observed, eyes flicking to Cloud. "Why was he sleeping on you?" He asked suddenly, walking slowly towards the boy.

"Get away Roxas." Cloud said again.

"Why are you so desperate for his safety?" Sephiroth continued to advance on Roxas. "He's a fair fighter. I'm sure he could a least defend himself…

Roxas backed down, touching the wall behind him but not letting himself run.

"Why is he so important?"

"He values all his friends." Roxas whimpered.

"Why does he care about a small scrape?" A gloved hand reached for his, long thin fingers brushing the skin on the back of his hand. He bent over the boy, long hair falling around them in an intimate tent. "Why where you crying?"

Roxas would've liked to correct him there. But saying 'No! I was tearing up because you scare me shitless' didn't seem like a tactful thing to say. Sephiroth might've used his fear against him though he was pretty sure Sephiroth could already tell how scared he was.  
"I'd stop moving Cloud, you know I could kill him in a second from this range."

Roxas hadn't even heard Cloud move. Sephiroth took his hand in his icy glove and spun him around, flipping their positions. Roxas was pressed against Sephiroth's chest by a strong arm. They were facing Cloud now, who was frozen and his face was blank and utterly still.

Sephiroth raised the boys hand to his mouth and watched Cloud. "Do you care for his body… his warmth? Is that it?"

Roxas felt himself sweat. He lost the control of his own breathing, struggling to pull air from his lungs.

"It doesn't matter what I say" Cloud said. "If I lied or said the truth or maybe not even say anything you'd still think the same. And you'd still hurt him."

"True."

Roxas could feel warmth flowing over his knuckles. He looked up to see the man's mouth parted, hovering over his hand. He looked down when Sephiroth's tongue reached for his cuts, sliding right under his skin into the blood and thin flesh. It was more gross then painful and Cloud's solid face curbed his fear greatly. He wasn't getting hurt, not really. Cloud was in a lot more pain. Roxas could see his neck getting red and the tendons pressing against the skin in anger.

"It's okay." He found himself saying to Cloud. He looked to Roxas with curious eyes, trying to read his face for lies.  
Sephiroth looked down at Roxas. "You always surprise me Cloud. He's so young too."  
Roxas was swung around again, hitting the wall. He tried not to whimper. Sephiroth held him against the rock. "What's so special about you, hm?" Suddenly Sephiroth was gone and the end of Cloud's blade was coming at him. It entered his shoulder and was out again so fast he could've sworn it never happened. But then the pain came and his chest was warm. He fell to the ground immediately in tears, screaming. He couldn't feel the arm on the end of his shoulder at all and had to look to make sure it was still there. The wound was like a black whole, sucking his mind into it, destroying it until he thought of nothing else but how much it hurt, how much he wanted it to end. His body went into shock, rattling him all over, shaking so violently that he knocked his head on the ground. Adrenaline pumped through him and the pain vanished. He continued crying but he didn't know why, sobbing and too scared to move his arm while the rest of him shook.

He looked up to see Cloud leap high in the air and then he saw Sephiroth come crashing down to the ground. A plume of dust went up but when it cleared Sephiroth was standing. He met Cloud with a block and with the long sword, threw him off to one side. Cloud landed perfectly vertical on the wall he was cast into and bounced back. The rest from there was too hard to follow. Blurs, yells and streaks of red blossoming out of thin air to spatter along the ground. Air blasted past him sometimes as one of them came close. Every so often there was a ringing clash and everything stopped to show Cloud and Sephiroth locked in a stalemate block. Then they broke apart and the madness ensued.

Roxas watched them, wishing he could help. His tears ran onto the ground although he wasn't sad or in pain. His body had blocked out the hurt and would now only let him cry silently. The blood chilled on his skin in the crisp air. In an explosion of wind Cloud stood over him, feet braced and sword raised against Sephiroth's, who pushed down on his.  
Cloud braced his sword against his chest, bringing Sephiroth's blade dangerously close to his neck. Cloud took one hand off his swords handle, balancing the entire weight in one hand and his chest. He took a potion out of his pocket and instead of using it on the various wounds on his body, dropped it to the ground before Roxas. The boy looked up at him, tears still trailing his cheeks for no reason and eyes full of question. Cloud gave a somber look and mouthed 'sorry.'

Before Roxas could do anything Cloud returned both hands to his sword and swung upwards. The block was broken and they zipped up into the air as blurs and with a last ring of metal they disappeared.


	18. Looking

He took the potion, swallowed it down. He stood as his flesh re-knit itself back together.  
There was nothing. Both men were gone. Only blood patterns were left. And everything was deathly quiet again.

Anger and desperation bubbled. His fingers tightened on the potion bottle and it shattered. Glass spilt and stuck into his palm but the dregs of potion water left at the bottom of the bottle spilled into his hand and Roxas pulled out the pieces, unharmed. "Where are you Cloud…" He turned on his heel and began to run back before stopping himself and splitting open a portal.

He walked through and was met with another blade point. "Roxas?"  
The portal closed and Roxas stared at Leon. His long scar twisted as he frowned. "You can use dark gates like our attackers…"

"When was the last time the Organization attacked you Leon?"

"You don't deny it…" His face fell but his blade rose higher, up to his Roxas's face.

"I left them ages ago Leon." He was too shattered to deal with this situation carefully. "Look I'm sorry I lied but you wouldn't of trusted me when you first meet me. You're far too cautious."

"…And who said I trust you now?" Leon said harshly, swallowing as if downing a bitter pill.

"Please don't do this to me… Cloud's gone and I don't know what to do…" his voice cracked.

"What?"

"He was fighting Sephiroth and then they both just…vanished."

Leon said nothing but still held his long gunblade at Roxas, holding his resolve. Couldn't feel sorry for the enemies now.

"Drop your weapon goddammit!" Roxas yelled.

"I can't endanger everyone else. I need to be sure… how do I know you didn't kill Cloud?"

Roxas grabbed the blade head on, pressing his palm into it, splitting his skin open.

"Let go." Leon tugged it away and then honed it back on Roxas. The young blonde went for it again, this time holding tighter when Leon tried to pull away. "Let go!"

"This is what you want isn't it? I'm your opponent! Why would you be raising your weapon if not to hurt me!" Emotions were so difficult. He shot up and down, from a crying wreck to overjoyed and in love to boiling anger.

"Please let go Roxas. I'll drop it I promise." He asked calmly, giving in.

He released it and cradled his hand to his body. "Sorry." He mumbled.

"Me too. Now let's go inside, tell me what happened."

He ushered the boy inside before he could pull any more crazy stunts. He poured the slightest amount of potion on his hand and set a steaming mug of coffee in front of him and told him it would help. No one else was awake yet. And they sat in silence for a bit.

"What happened this morning Roxas… how did you get blood on your shirt?"

The young nobody swallowed hard, a pain tightened in this throat. "I woke up and Cloud was gone. The door was open so I went outside." He huddled in on himself, recounting the silence of the morning that had surrounded him. "Something felt wrong. It was quiet. No birds or anything. I just looked for him. At the bailey I saw he was with Sephiroth."

Leon reached out and cupped a hand under Roxas's chin, lifting those blue eyes, heavy with pain to look into his. He'd been looking like he was on the verge of tears for half an hour now but never cried. He just sat, broken with no means of pulling himself back together. He was young and too much had happened to him in the space of a few short days. Till now he'd had someone to run to. He was just a kid. Leon didn't know how to help him.  
He dropped that small chin and scooted his chair closer. He draped an arm around Roxas's shoulder and pulled his body against his chest. "You can cry if you want Roxas." He whispered, as if talking any louder would break the boy beneath his arm.

"I can't…"

"Okay. Then what happened with Sephiroth?"

"I ran after them…I reached them but…"

"But?"

Roxas's voice was soft and distant. "Cloud told me to go but I didn't. Sephiroth started messing with me to get Cloud angry."

"Messing with you?"

"Sephiroth worked out thing… about me and Cloud. He just started licking my cuts on my hands. It wasn't horrible or anything but Cloud got all wound up and he attacked. But Sephiroth disappeared and I got stabbed. After that I was too injured do anything… just watch."

"How were you healed?"

"Cloud got a potion out of his pocket. He was blocking Sephiroth with just one hand… after that they shot up into the air and… disappeared. What happened to him Leon?"

Leon would've loved to say he knew what was going on. Where Cloud and gone and when he'd be back. But he had no idea. He hated to say it because it hurt too much when Roxas stared up at him, face broken but hopeful.

"I… I don't know Roxas."

"He said sorry to me before he vanished… is it because he's left me forever?"

"I don't know Roxas. But I don't think he would." Though Cloud was known to go to great lengths for his friends. Even deserting them completely if he felt it was for the best. "Maybe Aerith will know."

"What if she doesn't?"

"I don't know…"

"Won't we look for him?"

"We have no idea where he could be. He may not even be in this world." There was a chance he wasn't even alive but Leon would've been foolish to say it.

"But he could be hurt…"

"Where do you propose we even start Roxas?"

"Anywhere!" Roxas yelped, pulling away from Leon. "He's your friends isn't he! Why won't you look for him?"

"Roxas I…"

"No! I'm going!" He announced, standing suddenly, the chair crashing to the ground.

Leon was too fast for Roxas to even start heading for the door. The man had Roxas's arm in his grasp. "What are you talking about Roxas? We haven't even asked Aerith yet. Calm down."

Roxas glared with wide eyes. He tugged his arm out of Leon's squeezing grip then fell to his knees. He rolled forward and hit his forehead on the wooden panels. His fist slammed against the floor. "Why does nothing ever go right Leon? Because I'm a Nobody? Was I damned from the start?"

"Of course not. It's just life Roxas."

"We must be damned. That's why we don't have emotions… so we don't have to feel it."

Leon sighed. He didn't know how to help. Angsty teenagers were always difficult. And he had every reason to be angsting. He circled around Roxas and fell to one knee beside him. "Cloud would never leave you. He's known to do this sort of thing to protect his friends but you… I think you might be one person who he really couldn't bare to be without."

He heard Roxas sob then and wondered if getting emotional was the best thing to do. But crying usually helped, holding tears back was almost like denial.

Leon gathered Roxas up and ushered him to bed, the boy hadn't taken a single sip of coffee anyway. Soon after he realized this might not have been wise. Roxas and Cloud slept up in that loft so sending him there would provoke painful memories.

Later in the day Aerith rose. Her hair was loose and swallowed her shoulders. She smiled as she always did and just before Leon was going to comment on how nice it was down, she got out her ribbon and tied her hair up.

"Morning."

"Good morning Leon. How long have you been up?"

"About an hour or two and I've already had more then I can handle."

Her soft face tensed in concern. "What's the matter?"

He recounted the story and asked if she knew anything about the disappearance.

"Things like this happen with Sephiroth."

"So you know where they've gone?"

"No…But they're both very strong and when they fight… the weather changes, stars fall from the sky and they pass through worlds, sometimes so quickly that they themselves don't even notice. Weak planets can get destroyed when they battle." She said, staring off distantly. Her eyes recalled past events and were swimming with memory.

"You're worried about him aren't you?"

"We all are. I know he can over come Sephiroth but… he always comes back.."

"How long do these fights take? When will he be back?"

"The battles can go on for days… I can't imagine when they'd have breaks. It's scary to think about. But once the fighting stops Cloud doesn't come back for a long time. Maybe his body and mind are too fragile. Or maybe he just needs time alone. I don't know."

"…A long time?"

"Months…"

"Damn."

"Does Roxas know?"

"Yes. He's pretty upset."

"Oh dear." She sighed. "It's hard getting close to Cloud. There's so much going on in his life. What's worse is he won't let you help, he has a strange way of letting you know he cares." She smiled. "Where is Roxas?"

"Up in the loft, I sent him there to get some rest."

Her face fell instantly. "Oh no."

"What…?"

"I was just up there, Leon. He's not there."

"Oh… can this morning get any worse?" Leon groaned.

Roxas ticked off places in his mind, next opening a portal outside Ansem's lab. No Cloud or Sephiroth here either. This was the last place he'd checked and was out of places he knew to look. "Hmm…" He pondered calmly, blank of anyemotion. He figured that he couldn't break down in tears every time Cloud wasn't somewhere he looked. So he'd tried to wipe is mind clean of emotions again, slowly switching into that stagnant, hollow Roxas that he first was. It had become harder to do since the first time but the longer he stayed emotion dead, the easier it became to keep up.  
"He must be in some other world…" An entire sky of worlds was a big place to look but it didn't overwhelm him. He couldn't have been overwhelmed unless he really tired. Instead of panicking he came up with an idea.

In a whirr of black smog a portal closed behind him and he stood before the massive structure of Castle Oblivion. The vast castle should've cast a shadow over the whole town but the city was already dark in the eternal clouds and night. Harsh blue light radiated off the ramp, as long as a football field, up to the castle entrance.  
"Interesting…who left the front door open?"

"My apologies, that would be me." A voice answered.

He spun around, keyblades already in his hands, ready to make anything that moved bleed. Zexion stood at the end of them, eyeing the keys fretfully.

"Just the guy I needed to see." Roxas said, dropping his weapons slowly.

"You stink of blood, what have you been doing little 13?"

"I need your help." He asked bluntly.

"Oh great, another person looking to hire me."

"Wow, you've been practicing your emotions haven't you? That sarcasm was very convincing."

Zexion huffed, crossing his arms curtly. A very Zexion thing to do. "Hmph. I was merely emphasizing my point. A basic English technique. Not an emotion."

"Hm. Defensive."

"I'm at the end of my tether, things are getting hectic, and I don't have much patience."

Roxas looked up at the castle. "What happened here?"

"Xemnas is no more. Axel and Marluxia lead an attack against him."

The boy curved an eyebrow. "You all took him down?"

"No. Vexen, Lexaus and I didn't help. Saix defended Xemnas… so naturally he fell as well."

"Didn't want to get your hands dirty eh? Who runs this place now?"

"We've all scattered Marluxia and I have taken up residence here. Demyx insisted on staying as well to the misfortune of my ears." His jaw tightened when he said it. "Now what did you want?"

"I need you to find someone for me."

"You sound just like Axel. Funny too, I was sure you would've asked about him. It seems your emotional high from last time didn't last too long." Zexion sniggered.

"Can you find someone for me or not?" Roxas asked calmly.

"Not. Why would I help you? You can't kill me, in a second it will be three on one and you will die instead."

"I'm willing to risk that. It's Cloud that might be dead and I need you to help me find him. I can take you to where his blood is all over the ground and you can get a smell of it-"

Zexion's eyes narrowed harshly. "I am not some dog. I remember what that man smells like." He said, a thick smog swirling up his body suddenly. At first Roxas thought it was a portal but the smoke cleared and Cloud was standing in front of him. "This man? Am I correct?" Zexion asked from Cloud's form.

"Yes." Roxas grit his teeth, not looking this fake Cloud in the eye.

"Oh have I touched a nerve, Ro-" Zexion halted his speech as the wind blew past them. Zexion breathed the air in and shut his eyes that belonged to Cloud. "He's not in this world." Zexion said, turning on his heel and walking off.

"Hey!" Roxas snarled, grabbing Zexion back by the shoulder. Cloud's form shot him a dirty look and he accidently whimpered. Zexion smiled triumphantly through Cloud's lips.

"Pathetic." Zexion said.

"Please Zexion? What do you want? I'll give it to you, just do this for me. I won't leave you alone. I'll just… kill you if you don't." He said, squeezing Zexion's shoulder. "I'll wait till you're asleep without Marluxia or Demyx around and kill you. Or-or I'll kill Demyx for you, then you can get some quiet from his guitar." Roxas said, scared by his own relaxed offerings.

"It's a sitar." Zexion corrected, Cloud's form bubbling away into the shorter mans form. "If I help you will you leave me alone?"

"Of course." Roxas nodded.

"Fine… You're still taking residence in that run down old world?"

"Yeah." Roxas said, almost proudly.

"I'll tell you if I find anything… or don't find anything. In the mean time go away." He said, batting the boys hand away from his shoulder.

"…Thank you." Roxas said, a bit of gratefulness and relief breaking through his emotionless wall.

"Go away." He said again, turning away and treading up the ramp to the castle.

And so Roxas dissipated back into Hollow Bastion.

That was the start of his time without Cloud.


	19. Comfort

Roxas returned with a bitter taste in his mouth. The corners of his mouth were soured into a frown. Leon had given him a bit of a talking to.

"I'm not your kid, Leon." He'd said and walked off while the man was halfway through his speech. This only prolonged his fate it seemed.

"Where did you go Roxas?" He brought up again over a plate of hot food. The table had been neatly set, with no help from Roxas. Leon sat across from him, eyeing the boy over the water jug.  
"Drop it okay?" the boy defended, staring at the ceiling.  
"I meant while we were all making dinner. You should've helped."  
"You did not mean while dinner was being made. You meant when I was missing for a measly hour."  
Aerith busied herself with re-braiding her hair and Yuffie gave her undivided attention to the food she shoveled into her mouth. Cid very smartly kept silent for once.  
"Well that would be nice to know too…" Leon took a slow breath in, trying to calm his voice as he talked.  
"You know what I was doing. I was looking for Cloud. At least I care enough to even try."  
"You don't understa-"  
"I'm sorry, you're right. It's adult talky time huh? How could I possibly understand a grown up situation could I?" Roxas asked, toneless. His words came out not to hurt or scorn anyone. They just came out. He just didn't seem to care anymore unless it involved Cloud. Everything else was effortless, blank, hollow, dead. Zexion would've been proud.  
"What's gotten into you Roxas!" Leon demanded, finally getting fed up with moving his head around the jug and shoved it aside.  
"Rough day I guess."  
"We've all had our share of rough days Roxas."  
"But I'm sure you adults can handle it." He assured sarcastically.  
"Cloud is gone and now all you can do is act like you don't care anything? Where's the common sense? Your whole life can't revolve around him Roxas, that's just not healthy. I'm not saying to forget about him but don't let this get to you. You can't obsess over him! " Leon said, anger building.  
"I can't lie to myself like that Leon. Cloud is more important to me then how I feel. More important than common sense." He said, not blushing in front of the table of slightly uncomfortable people. "Excuse me." He said, raising from the table.  
"Get back here Roxas!" Leon growled as he headed for the door.  
"Calm down Leon." The boy advised before he shut the door carefully behind him.

Roxas bit into his lip all the way back to the loft. Thoughts of Cloud reared their pretty blonde heads again. He came out of his emotionless trance and crashed. It hurt to cry, like he was pulling barbed wire out of his eyes but he couldn't help it. The fact that it was the hundredth time he'd cried recently didn't make it any more or less painful.

He sat on Clouds bed and kicked off his shoes. He released his lip from his clutching teeth. It was swollen and red but it gave him something else to think about.

He awoke, blinking dumbly, not aware that he had ever fallen asleep. It was still dark and he held the sheets tighter, yawning into the dark. The blank silhouettes of the room were lined with a soft blue light from the crystal fissure. The wide window displayed all of the town and the hills beyond. The world watched Roxas as his eyes fell again, content to fall back asleep.

Wood in the house creaked under the shoes of someone who was walking up to the loft. It got louder as they went up the ladder. Roxas was just asleep by the time the floor hatch was opened. A mans voice called out to him. "Roxas?"  
The voice pulled him reluctantly from his sleep again. The footfalls stopped. The man was at the bed now.  
"Roxas? You awake?"  
"No…" He mumbled.  
The voice chuckled and the bed sunk as someone sat on it next to him. A cold hand touched his cheek. "Sorry Roxas, do you want me to leave?"  
"No… it's okay Leon." He said, working out whose voice it was. "What's wrong?"  
" I am… what I said Roxas… I'm sorry it was totally out of line. Completely unnecessary."  
"It's okay." He said, opening his eyes to give Leon his full attention. "I know I'm acting weird. I can't help it. I just don't know how to handle this… Nobodies don't do emotions."  
"I'm sorry." He said again, taking his hand off of Roxas's face.

Though the power to pick a persons sent out of the wind would be a lot more useful, the boys' light abilities served him well. He could see Leon's face clearly in the dark. And it didn't look happy.  
Roxas pulled himself up. "It's okay." He assured, linking his arms around the mans' waist. Leon gave him a very confused look before Roxas pulled them together in an embrace. "It's called a hug Leon. Don't worry." He let out a laugh which quickly turned into a yawn. "…Where is he Leon?"

Leon shuffled further onto the bed, crossing his legs on the mattress. "I don't know Roxas." He placed a hesitant hand to the boys back, signaling for him to come into his lap if he'd like.  
Roxas was grateful to get out of the awkward hug. His back was starting to hurt. It was a lot less painful without him leaning over the mans' long legs.  
"But…" Leon went on. "He wouldn't abandon you."  
"What if he has no control over that? What if he doesn't end up coming back because he can't? Because…"  
"He's dead? Hah, Cloud is much stronger than that."  
"Have you ever battled Sephiroth? Have you ever even been near him?" Roxas asked bitterly.  
"Well no…"  
"If you ever get close to him then you'd know how afraid I am." He said grimly, stifling another yawn to no avail.  
"I should go, you need to sleep."  
The arms tightened around him. "You don't have to do you?"  
"Do you want me to stay?" He asked, surprised.  
"If you don't mind."  
Leon rested his back against the headboard and let his arms settle around the smaller body. Roxas flinched when the arms touched him, not expecting them.  
"Sorry, uh, I'll just-"  
"No, it's okay. I just didn't expect it." Roxas said. Leon was no Cloud but he was warm and comforting. He smelt different and was handling him rather skittishly. Roxas's could blame him; he'd never seen Leon so much as hug anyone. It did feel a bit weird, but he needed someone right now and was thankful for Leon's company. He wondered what Aerith smelt like.

"Are you sure you want me to stay? I'm not so good with this…comforting and…"  
"You're doing fine." Roxas said.

Leon moved them down so his head was in the pillow. He slowly moved the boy off of him. He really didn't feel comfortable having him there, there was no way around it. Roxas buried his face in Leon's shoulder, and had one arm over his chest. This was much better, he felt he was still giving Roxas's some comfort without having his personal space invaded completely.

Roxas mumbled, half alseep when the skin on their arms brushed. "I've never seen you without your jacket on…"  
Leon laughed quietly. "Go to sleep Roxas. You're tired."  
"Okay…"

And that was the last he heard of the boy that night.


	20. Shutdown

A spread of warmth over his neck awoke him. He curled his shoulders up as the uncomfortable warmth assaulted his skin again. He turned over, keen to get away from this invasion of his neck. Light hit his face and he opened his eyes into the powerful mid morning sun. He sat up and rubbed the harsh light from his eyes. Something slid off his chest and into his lap. Leon's arm.

Roxas smiled at the sleeping man. Whose head was buried deep in the pillow. "Thanks Leon." He cast a glace to the window to find the sun well into the sky. "Looks like you're the one who's sleeping in today." He whispered and snuck out of the room, bringing some clean clothes with him. He eased the front door shut on his hinges and was met with a chuckle.

"You stink of another man already, Roxas. You were quick to move on. Did I do all the work for nothing?"

"Hah. Don't assume things so quickly, Zexion. Do you have any news?"

"Oh so you do still care?" Zexion pulled his hood away. "In that case I'll afraid have to disappoint you Roxas." He said, not looking sympathetic about any of the news he was delivering.

"…Nothing?" Roxas dropped his clean clothes on the cobbled ground and grabbed Zexion's front. "You've searched everywhere!"

Zexion did not look pleased about being handled. "Everywhere, Roxas. Every world I know and trust me I know plenty."

Roxas hissed between his teeth, tempted to punch Zexion. "But it's only been a few hours! You can't have searched everywhere you know, there must be more!"  
"I can detect anyone anywhere on an entire world with one blow of wind. I assure you I have already checked everywhere."  
"Damn it!" Roxas cursed and shoved Zexion away. The man caught himself rather gracefully, not stumbling for a second. And now that he was out of Roxas's threatening grip he felt quiet safe to insult him again. "Looks like you're cycling through emotions once again Roxas. Not a good look on you."

But Roxas wasn't listening. "Fuck fuck FUCK!" He yelled, slamming his fist into the nearest building.

"Who taught you such profound language? Was it Cloud?"

The boy reared to Zexion's taunt and marched towards him, his keyblade suddenly tight in his fingers. The other Nobody backed away but still had the gut in him to keep talking. "If that how you thank me?"

Wind blew down the alley, throwing the fringe from Roxas's eyes and showed his lethal glare to Zexion. His snarling lip bared teeth that looked ready to bite his head off in a second. But Zexion stopped and slowly turned his head over his shoulder, frowning into the distance. "Now that's… does Cloud have a brother?"

Roxas tilted his head and stopped advancing. "What? No… I don't think so… why? Do you smell something?" Roxas's heart skipped and he ran to Zexion's side, keyblade still in hand.

"It's very similar… they both stink of Mako… "

"Like… Mako?"

"It's a kind of life energy tha-"

"I know what Mako is." Roxas stopped him. "You must have Sephiroth. "

"Whosever sent I have it's rather strong. "

Roxas perked up. "Like he's here right now!"

"No… His body isn't but his blood certainly is. A lot of it. Cloud's too."

Roxas sighed. He was having enough of these disappointments. "Yeah it is."

"What happened to him?"

"It doesn't matter. Get out of here Zexion, you can't help me."

Zexion turned to Roxas. "Someone with that much Mako in them must be seriously twisted. I don't know why you could possibly want to find someone so messed around with."

"Fuck off Zexion."

"As you wish." And he was gone.

Roxas fell into a corner of the alley, tossing his keyblade aside. He fixed his eyes onto the ground. A small ant wound through the gaps in the cobblestones. Roxas distracted himself with the small creature. He blocked its path with his finger and watched it find an alternate route. He wondered where it was going, as if this ant's destination was the most important thought in his head. Well he could pretend couldn't he?

Roxas suddenly dared himself to look up. Dared himself to face the fact that Cloud was gone and now there really was nothing he could do. He caught his own reflection in the window of Cloud's house on the opposite end of the alley.  
He stared at himself and wondered if he really did look like Cloud as people said. He tried to imagine what Cloud looked like sitting next to him but found he could not longer remember. He wondered if he'd ever get to see the man again. Maybe he'd never get to remember exactly how he looked. Smelt. Felt. But he needed to. Desperately. An unnerving lust had begun to creep along his skin, a fragile need for a warm body to press against him instead of the chill morning wind. He touched his own cheek. He felt cold. He wished he didn't. Roxas let his fingers taper down his face, along his neck and onto his shirt. He pulled back the collar of his shirt and pressed his lips on the shallow skin of his shoulder. His body was nothing but a ghost of Cloud's old touches. He flinched. His lips were cold on his shoulder but his breath was warm. He panted softly onto his skin, trying to chase away his own cravings for warmth but only making them worse.

Roxas looked back to the window. His own sheepish eyes watched himself and his stomach twisted in an angry knot. Why had he been left alone? Did Cloud not think that it was more important to keep Roxas sane than to fight Sephiroth? Roxas was so ready to give himself over.  
He stared into what had become of him without Cloud. Reduced to touching himself to find the warmest and most comforting parts. Cloud had never really done something so intimate to him but Roxas felt suddenly prepared to let him. If he ever saw him again.

He crawled over to his discarded keyblade and he flung it through the window, shattering his image into uncountable pieces that all fell to the ground. Roxas thought it matched how he was feeling perfectly. He stood, suddenly furious with the world. He stepped on the shards, grinding them against the stone before sprinting away.

He had probably woken Leon up but he didn't care. He slowed to a walk once he got out of the town. He kicked stones off the edge of the winding canyon path and watched them hurtle down and bounce off the stone walls. He wondered how much damage the drop into the canyon below would do to him. Roxas decided to move on before he thought too much about it.

And then he was at the scene of the battle. The blood was slowly fading, the ground soaking it up like a sponge and leaving black dried up patches. He couldn't tell whose blood was whose. He wished for Zexion's keen smell so he would know what dried black puddle he should lay down next and which he should spit on.

He took refuge in a clean patch near the end of the ledge. He curled up into the dirt, forcing himself to lie on the uncomfortable ground. It wasn't so bad, after a while he stopped caring. He felt dead. He didn't think about anything. He didn't feel anything. Like a good Nobody should do.

Roxas could smell the tacky blood now. He couldn't tell the smells apart; they had melded together into a ripe stench that made him feel sick. A sickness he ignored.

The sun was soon strong and he moved for the first time in hours to peel his black shirt away from the sweat on his body. He threw the mess of material to the side and went back inside his hollow mind while his eyes watched the hours go by like minutes. His stomach didn't cry for food, it didn't know how. His skin burned under the sun but the pain didn't register. Soon he didn't even feel hot anymore.  
This sort of inner shutdown had scared him in the past. But now he encouraged it. Maybe he didn't have the capacity to feel scared or maybe he was just so ready to never feel anything again.


	21. Awakening

Dusk had started trickling into the air, making it dark, cold, and cooling Roxas's thoroughly burnt skin. The crystal fissure shone out between the rocks, lining everything in a soft light like a blue, luminous dust that had settled over the canyon.

It was a truly beautiful sight but the only one there to see it was a boy who was so lost in his own desolation that he couldn't even find the will to open his eyes. The only thought he had left was 'lead me away'. He could no longer recall what made him decide to give up. He didn't know what he used to be like, or his name or how he even came to be lying here. The resonating sound of his will to live was slowly fading, waning into the wind. Soon it was going to play so quietly that, even in this silence, he wouldn't be able to hear it.

"Why am I always the one to find you, Roxas? Not that I mind."

Roxas jolted. As if he had been falling for hours and had suddenly hit the ground. His eyes opened and the world came back to him in a rush of soft blue light. He gasped, tasting the air instead of just breathing it in.

"Are you okay, Roxas?"

He turned his neck, flinching as pain came back to him with a twist of his raw skin. He looked with hollow eyes at a familiar face. But who was it? Roxas knew this guy. He did. He was sure he did. Whoever it was the blue light was stunning against their hair.

"You… you're...?"

"Roxas?" The person seemed concerned. He put a hand on Roxas's arm. Both people pulled away immediately. "You're really warm. Do you have a fever?"

"I don't know…" Roxas said, looking at his skin. A reddish burn was all along his back, right arm half his front and feet. A black mass at his feet diverted his attention for a second. His shirt. "I think… I'm sun burnt."

"Sun bur… how long have you been out here Roxas?" They asked, silver curtain of hair falling in front of their face as they leaned in to look at Roxas's arm.

"…Riku?"

"Yeah?"

"Ri…Riku? What are you doing here?"

Riku smiled. "We said we'd come back didn't we? We're not here for long mind you. We wanted to see how you were all doing."

"Sora's here?"

"Of course." Riku looked over him with his bright aqua eyes. "You're a mess Roxas, what are you doing out here? "

"I…" He looked over the scene. Blood and rocks white with scraps from swords. And Riku, crouched over him with a hand perched above him, too scared to touch his burned skin. "I don't know." He mumbled weakly. "I can't just wait. I want to do something, I have to try and get him back but… I can't do anything else. I feel so useless."

"…Cloud?"

"Yeah…"

"Leon told me."

"Great." Roxas muttered.

Riku bit his lip, eyes flitting over the ground in thought. "Why don't you come with me and Sora? We can look together."

"And intrude on you two love birds? I don't think you'd two would be so keen on that."

Riku's eyes went wide and he drew back. "W-what? How do you know about… that? Is it obvious? Did Sora tell you? He didn't say he told you. Or is it just really obvious?" Riku had suddenly taking a great liking to his own hair, furiously touching it and tucking it behind his ear. The blue light from the Crystal Fissure turned the blush on Riku's cheeks a purplish colour.

Roxas watched him fidget awkwardly and avoid his eyes. He'd never seen Riku so flustered. It was rather funny. "Jeez Riku, and you called me a mess." Roxas laughed, tipping his head back and grinning. "You must really like him huh?"

"How do you know?" He asked again.

"I saw you two in the ballroom. I didn't mean to, it just happened. It never really happens anymore, I think that was the last thing I saw through Sora.."

Riku stared at him, trying to read his eyes somehow. "What did you see?"

Roxas snorted. "What did you to DO!"

"Nothing! Nothing."

"You sure don't make it sound that way." Roxas chuckled, sitting up. His skin flared in pain but he ignored it. "You guys just talked. You said you loved him. I saw you guys kiss for about a second and that was it."

Riku let out an agitated sigh. "Don't tell anyone."

"Why not? You love him don't you? What's wrong with that?" Roxas asked, trying not to laugh at Riku anymore.

"That'sexactly what Sora said… but I'm not ready."

"Why not?"

"Just-" Riku looked about ready to shout but he closed his eyes and shook his head. "I hurt him. I hurt Sora so much. I've hardly squared it with myself yet. And yet Sora… he…"

"Half of what you did… that was Maleficent and Xehanort wasn't it?"

"How do you love someone that you've put through hell?" He asked bitterly.

"You're… thinking you don't deserve him?" Roxas asked. He was suddenly very tempted to dip into Sora's mind and find out how he was feeling about all this. Somehow assure Riku that Sora had forgiven him. But Roxas did not want to make the connection between himself and Sora any stronger. "Because of Sora's feelings, I nearly fell in love with you myself last time you were here. You're such a big part of him that everything he likes about you overflowed into me."

Riku smiled awkwardly to himself. They sat in silence while Roxas turned his back into the cool wind, trying to get as much cold breeze on his inflamed flesh as he could.

"Surely you want to come with us?" Riku started into the silent night. "You must care more about Cloud than you care about intruding on us?"

Roxas leaned back on his palms and let the wind tousle his hair around his burned neck and half red face. He looked into the outlines of the black blood puddles morbidly.

"You've given up." Riku stated. "Just like that? Sora's found several people that were lo-"

"Do NOT mistake me for Sora." Roxas said firmly. "I'm not as stupidly optimistic as to think he's still alive. Cloud didn't just disappear; he was battling the one person who was powerful enough to scare him. He was wounded, and-and battered and he disappeared. He KNEW how much he meant to me. If he was alive he would've come back!" He shouted.

"If you cared so much you wouldn't give up." Riku said. "Look at you, you're depressed. And you're a Nobody. I have no idea what kind of effect that must have on you. And I can't begin to imagine how it must be messing with how you feel. But you can't just turn around and say you don't care."

"You think I'm depressed?"

Riku nodded. "You've been here for… what I've heard the good part of ten hours."

"Maybe you're right." Another refreshing whip of wind kicked up. Roxas sighed gratefully.

"The first thing you can do is don't kill yourself by staying out here. " Riku smiled. "So can we go back Roxas? I'm worried you're dying right now as we speak." He laughed nervously and Roxas laughed along with him.

"…Alright." Roxas nodded.

"Do you need a hand up? How badly are you burned? If I need to carry you I'll be car-" Roxas opened up a portal right next to them as Riku talked. "-Oh… useful." Riku smiled. "I forgot about those."

"I'm sorry; I could tell you were so eager to carry me." Roxas smirked. He rose to his feet. His legs were a bit shaky but otherwise he seemed okay. He ambled through the portal.

Roxas tenderly eased himself onto the sofa, bodying aching and skin sizzling. Lying on the ground for hours on end sure was tiring.  
"I'll go tell everyone to stop looking." Riku said, leaving the room with Roxas nodding wearily and Leon frowning and tearing himself away from his glass of wine as he realized what had just happened.


	22. Friends

"You… I was sure you'd left this world!"  
"Really?" Roxas asked, eyeing the wine. "It seems like you cared more about your drink then checking I was still here."  
"What were you doing Roxas? That's the second time you've disappeared! I'm trying to look out for you okay? How can I do that if you keep running off?"  
"I wasn't trying to Leon, alright? I just went for a… walk. And I ended up lying down and… I don't know something happened."  
"What happened?"  
"I dunno."  
Leon was on his feet and standing above Roxas. "How can you not know what happened?"  
"I don't know what happened." Roxas said again. "I was worrying about Cloud but I knew I shouldn't so I just… everything just suddenly got shut out. It's happened before remember? Except this time I wouldn't even move… It was like I was dead… and I wanted to be dead. I just don't know how to handle being so…" he chose the word Riku had called him. "Depressed." Roxas said. Looking up at Leon he could tell he had made him feel a bit guilty for yelling. But Roxas wasn't looking for sympathy. Just a little help.  
"… You a…Hey." Leon suddenly said, glad for a distraction from those big blue eyes. "Your skin, is it burned?"  
"Yeah, sunburn."  
"It looks nasty… Stay right there." Leon said, hurrying to a cabinet to hide his uneasy face behind while he looked for something to help the boy. "Remind me to thank Riku for finding you."  
"Okay." Roxas breathed, smiling weakly. What would've happened if Riku hadn't found him? Maybe he would've indeed died. "He…ah. You know he asked me something."  
Leon returned to his side. "I've mixed a bit of potion into this, it should help." He said, showing Roxas's the small tub of clear gel like mixture that was tinted with green. The man helped Roxas sit up and then scooped some of the gel out onto his fingers. "What did he ask?" Leon said, showing he had not forgotten what Roxas had been saying.  
The boy shivered when Leon's hands touched his back. The cold glob of gel was heaven on his back. As it was rubbed in the gel was soon warmed by his skin. Every time Leon put a fresh, cold smear onto his back he nearly sighed. It made him want to go swimming in the coldest water he could find so he could get the same sensation over all his body. "He asked if I wanted to go with him and Sora. To help me find Cloud."  
"That sounds like a good idea."  
"You think I should go?" He asked, leaning his neck back into Leon's hands as the cool fingers reached his nape.  
"You'd be safe enough with those two. Besides I think it's more dangerous for you here right now. You're just getting more and more depressed."  
"Yeah… I feel so helpless. I can't sit here doing nothing."  
"Exactly." Leon agreed, moving around to the boys' front and starting on the burned half of his chest. Roxas looked the other way, slightly uneasy as the hands spread the gel all over him, lightly massaging it in with circular motions.

Roxas started to rub the mixture into his face with his unburned arm before Leon got there. "I didn't mean to be gone for so long. I just wanted some time alone… I didn't know I'd shut down like that. I'm sorry."  
"Oh no no no. I'm not mad. I understand that it must be hard. I'm trying to look after you but I must admit I'm not doing it very well." He chuckled. "I just try to look after you physical health because that's all I can do. I'm not good at keeping you happy."  
"You're doing okay." Roxas said, suddenly feeling like a child that needed taking care of. He supposed he didn't have anyone but himself to blame for that.

"Done" Leon concluded, smoothing the last bit down his arm.  
"It's gone all dry on my back. It was nice and cold though, while it lasted."  
"Let's go outside then, it's cold out there."  
Roxas nodded. "See you there." He said, concluding it would be too awkward to move himself there. He swallowed himself in a portal and was instantly sitting on the cool carved rock in the square. He hummed with pleasure and laid his back on the cold stone. "This is great." He said, staring up into the sky as he cooled his back. "The window from the loft in Cloud's house has a nice view but… I think it needs a window in the roof too." He said as Leon sat beside him.  
"Nice sky hm?"  
"Yeah… Do you think Cloud could be up there?"  
"Hm?" Leon leaned back on his palms and looked up.  
"Saying all those stars are other worlds… you think he might be on one of them?"  
"Could be."  
"It makes me feel better. Knowing that I could be looking up at him right now but… Also a bit scared. There's so many places up there he could be. It's going to take a long time but I'll have to check everyone of them."  
"Are you going to come back here if you find him?"  
Roxas was startled by such a question and looked up at Leon, who as in fact also looking down at him. "Of course."  
"Good."  
"Why wouldn't I?"  
"I thought maybe you'd be happy with just Cloud."  
Roxas shook his head slowly. "You guys mean just as much to me. If you went missing I'd look too. Or if Aerith did, or Yuffie or Cid or-"  
"But you wouldn't be so lost and depressed as you are without Cloud." Leon said.  
Roxas's face was already hot and burnt so he couldn't tell if he was blushing or not. "Y-yeah but I can't help it. He's made me feel so human and now it's like… it's not there anymore."  
"Going on a journey to find him isn't just looking for Cloud. It's also looking for a bit of yourself." Leon said. "I think I get that now. That you need to go and look for him. Keeping you here isn't protecting you at all."  
"No, bu-" Roxas paused at the distant and very familiar voice.  
"You would've lost anyway, that's why you didn't want to. You're afraid you'd lose!"  
"Sora…" Roxas whispered.  
"You keep telling yourself that if it makes you feel better, Sora." Riku's voice followed.

The boys stopped in the square. "Why would you want to sit out here? It's freezing." Sora asked, gaze fixed on Roxas. He couldn't help it. It was like looking in a very weird mirror and the more he stared the less he understood.  
"It's nice for me, I've been burning up in the sun."  
"I'll get something warmer and sit out here too, the stars are nice tonight." Sora observed.  
"There's blanket under the couch." Leon said.  
"The stars are the same every night, Sora." Riku said, shaking his head. "There's just no clouds tonight."  
"Sure isn't" Roxas sighed.  
"Are you going to sit out here Riku? I will if you will."  
"You don't have to follow me, Sora."  
"Yeah but I want to."  
Riku turned and went inside, tucking his hair back nervously. "Let's get something warmer then." He muttered as Sora looked on fondly, then followed.  
Roxas chuckled. He eased himself over onto his stomach, letting his front suck some of the coldness out of the ground.

When Riku and Sora returned he didn't hear much of what they said. He thought of Cloud. He shut his eyes and imaged one of the voices around him was Cloud's. When the sound of footsteps crept around him and a hand touched his hair he looked up and wished the smiling Aerith was Cloud. Roxas's tried to remember the last few things the man had told him. All he could recall was a final 'sorry' before he'd vanished. Did Cloud disappear knowing that he would never return? Is that what that sorry meant? A farewell forever sorry? All Roxas could do was yawn and pray that that had not been what he'd meant.


	23. Sleep

_Roxas, wake up._

Go away, let me sleep. I'm tired.

_But we need you here, we're all worried._

I don't want to wake up. I don't think I even could if I tried. Too tired…

_Let me help you._

"Come quick! Guuuys, come on!"  
"Nnnh don't… shout." He groaned, turning his back to whoever had offended his silence. However even moving was no simple task. His arms were stiff and a great ache ran the length of his spine.  
"Hey, don't go back to sleep. Roxas, don't."  
"And why the hell not?"  
"Because you've been sleeping for days!"  
"Days… ? Sora, what are you on about?" He asked, pulling himself up to sit in bed. Sora looked pleased to see movement from Roxas. A bit too pleased. The crease in the blond's brow deepened. "What's going on?"  
"You've been asleep for three days straight. I thought it was weird that you were able to take a nap on the cold concrete. You slept all through the next day and Leon said to let you. We got worried when you were still there the next morning. I thought maybe you had gotten up in the night. There wasn't anything we could do, you wouldn't wake and Leon said you checked out fine. Not in a coma or anything just… sleeping. And yesterday you kept on sleeping. We've tried everything... what happened?"  
"I… I don't know." Roxas stretched his still dozing joints and rubbed his warm cheeks. He was a bit in awe. It just felt like the next morning. He was in Cloud's loft and the new morning light was enough make his eyes sore and alert until he got used to it. "Are you sure? Have I seriously been sleeping for three days?"  
Sora laughed. "I can tell the difference between one night and three days Roxas."  
"Haha, yeah sorry… Shouldn't you and Riku have left by now? Not to be rude, I don't want you guys to go but I thought-"  
"Me and Riku didn't want to go, not without you." Sora defended, sounding almost offended that Roxas would ask but he flashed a quick smile. "You gotta think you're worth more than that, Roxas. We're your friends."  
Roxas couldn't help but return an identical smile. "You can be such a sap, Sora."  
"Hey! Why does everyone say that?"  
Roxas had made it out of the blanket and to the end of the bed, sitting with his back against the backboard. He had been re-teaching his body how to move as him and Sora talked. It was unnerving to feel his bones clamped up and his muscles too stiff to fully bend. He felt he knew why this had all happened. Cloud had been heavy on his mind as he'd drifted off a few days ago. He'd felt fine at the time. When he was surrounded by his friends the cold memories in the night had been warm and comforting. Maybe Roxas was a sap too. Even now he felt a warm swell his in chest. But once Roxas had gone to sleep where the voices of the others couldn't reach him did he fall back into nothingness? Did he have nothing to anchor his mind to his body? Without Cloud he was miserable but without any friends he was as responsive as the pillow he sat staring into. Losing people like this was tearing him apart from his body. Was something in him restless? So desperate to have Cloud back that it was trying to escape his body and float away to find him? It was a strange thought. Maybe Nobodies weren't meant to have emotion for a reason. They seemed downright lethal. What would happen next time he felt drowsy? Was sleeping about to become dangerous?

"What woke me up?" Roxas asked, wondering if he'd come to by himself.

"Oh I…" Sora looked into his own palm.  
Roxas raised his brow. "You…?  
"I touched your chest… there wasn't anything I could do. I mean, you don't have a heart so I used mine instead. But we kind of have the same one right?" Sora asked, smiling.  
Roxas put his own hand over his chest where it felt warm. "I was wondering what that was. It's warm. But what exactly did you do?"  
"I don't know. Your mind was talking to me. I know you don't like it when I mess with your head but this was important." Sora defended, clenching his fingers. "I told you to wake up but you wouldn't. Do you remember any of that?"  
Roxas moved his gaze from the pillow to Sora's face, narrowing his eyes at the boys' inquisitive look in thought. "I think… I thought it was a dream."  
"It wasn't a dream… or maybe it was. I dunno." Sora laughed, his carefree air returning around him.  
"You said you'd help me…" Roxas said, feeling the heat in his chest flare when Sora laughed.  
"I think I did, I feel whiped. Some of my strength is inside of you now, I tried to give it to you. You woke up so I think it worked."  
"Yeah you look a bit pale." Roxas had wondered why Sora was leaning quietly against the wall as he talked instead of moving about with his usual vigor. Roxas stood, feeling his calves whine gratefully when he used them. He felt springy and ready to run a mile as his body remembered how amazing it was to move. "You alright, Sora?"  
"Yeah, just a bit drained." He nodded.  
"You know I didn't notice till you mentioned it. You're always so… motivated that it's hard to tell when something's wrong."  
Sora brimmed with joy, taking this fully as a compliment.  
"Should we go find Leon and the others? Tell them I'm okay?"  
Sora started. "Oh yeah Leon was supposed to come and help me get you on the couch down in the main room so we could keep an eye on you. What's so funny?"  
Roxas took his hand from his mouth which was holding in his chuckle. "You have no idea how much time I spend on the couch. God it's like I'm always injured somehow."  
"That's what Leon said. Come on, Leon was supposed to be right behind me and help take you down. He sai-"  
"SORA! Get down here we've got a Heartless problem!"  
"Riku!" Sora shouted and Roxas said in unison. "Come on!" Sora said, pulling away, a little unsteadily away from the wall.  
"Yeah just don't fall over." Roxas said as they raced down the ladder.

A bit of a short chapter but I decided to split this one into two, the rest will hopefully follow soonish. This makes it shorter but at least you guys get it sooner so win right? ...Right? :D


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